


Just What the Doctor Ordered

by AngelsintheImpala (Halzbarry)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Porn, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Bottom Dean, DCBB 2018, Dean/Cas Big Bang Challenge 2018, Doctor Castiel, Gabriel Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Idiots in Love, M/M, Minor Sam Winchester/Max Banes, Porn Star Dean Winchester, Top Castiel, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Top Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 10:56:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 53,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16554461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halzbarry/pseuds/AngelsintheImpala
Summary: Opening his own clinic, Doctor Castiel Novak is doing his best to get his business and brand out and established in his new community. What he doesn’t expect is to come face to face with his high school crush and first lover, Dean Winchester at a local LGBTQ community health event. He’s even more shocked when he learns that Dean is the popular bisexual porn star Dean Smith, who in between shoots volunteers at the local community college LGBTQ organization.Though Castiel tries to brush their chance encounter off as nothing more than a sheer coincidence, suddenly Dean is everywhere. Dean makes it clear that he wants to see more of Castiel, but Castiel isn’t sure what to do about these conflicted feelings for Dean he’s had ever since he and Dean last saw each other years ago. Add in a brother and best friend/employee who seem determined to meddle in his love-life and Castiel is beginning to think the universe might just be pushing him and Dean Winchester back together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my DCBB for 2018! I'm so excited to share this with you all! Also much thanks to [Icarusinflight](https://candybarrnerd.tumblr.com) for beta-ing my fic for me! And so much thanks to [Destimushi](https://destimushi.tumblr.com) for the amazing art!

Castiel always hated the idea of opening his own business. When he decided to be a doctor and good to medical school, he told himself that he wasn’t going to ever open his own clinic. His passion was treating patients, not running a business. He’d be content to just work quietly beside another doctor and let them handle all the business stress. 

And yet, somehow, he’s been the proud owner of Lazarus Medical Clinic for the last five months. 

The worst part of owning his own clinic, though, is having to market it. Which is how he finds himself giving up the rest of his day at the clinic and waiting outside an nearby community college auditorium. Marketing means having to deal with people who aren’t his patients which isn’t what he signed up for when he gained his medical license. If it were up to him he’d never do marketing again. He thinks the clinic should be fine with the patients who moved with him from his old practice, and the slow trickle of new patients which come from word of mouth, but Meg, his nurse and close friend, is insistent that he get his name out there. 

This is the fourth local community event he’s done since moving his clinic into the area and he’s praying that he’ll get enough patients from this meeting that it’ll be the last. 

“Dr. Novak?” a voice calls out from somewhere in the small crowd of volunteers that have come out for the  _ ‘Celebrate the Gay’ _ event. Castiel hadn’t known much about it, but he knew it was an event for the LGBTQ students on campus and in the community. It was also — as Meg had pointed out —  a good way to get the clinic’s name out. 

“Here,” Castiel answers, raising his hand. He’s immediately greeted by a very perky red-haired girl who is all smiles when she walks up to Castiel. “Are you Charlie?” he asks. 

“Yep! And you’re… not at all like I figured you’d be when we talked on the phone.” 

Castiel squints his eyes and tilts his head to the side just a little, trying to take her in. 

“Is that a bad thing?” 

Charlie grins, seemingly not off-put by the look he’s throwing at her. Instead, she sticks her hand out which he shakes hesitantly. 

“Charlie Bradbury! I forgot to mention on this phone, but I’m the computer science teacher and the sponsor for the Spectrum LGBTQIA alliance! Thanks so much again for offering to help out again!” 

“It’s not a problem. I’m happy to support the local community,” Castiel answers, offering a tiny smile despite the churning in his stomach at the thought of the day to come. 

“Well, everyone’s going to appreciate it. We’ve got a lot of kids who are scared or embarrassed about getting tested so we’re glad we’ve got a doctor here to put their mind at ease. I’d been trying to work it out with a few other places, but I’ve never been able to get anyone.” Charlie’s response is earnest and it actually has Castiel smiling even wider. She reminds him of why he got into medicine in the first place. He’s been openly bisexual since high school and, despite his mother’s tacit disapproval, he’s had a great and supportive group of people. When he went to medical school he knew he wanted to give back to the community somehow. 

“Well, I’m glad I can help put their minds at ease then.” 

Charlie responds with a beaming smile. “Cool! If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you to where we’ll get your area set up!” 

Charlie bounces her way through the crowd into the auditorium. Castiel quietly follows behind, stopping when they reach a booth where Castiel assumes he’ll be doing the testing.  There are three chairs set up for him, though he won't need them. There's only one of him, and even if Meg had of attended he'd only have needed two. But with Meg politely declining (steadfastly refusing) to attend there was no need, he opened his mouth to tell Charlie they cold take them away when she spoke

“So, we’ve got you set up here and Dean should be along any minute to help out.” 

“Dean?” Castiel asks curiously. There’d been no mention of someone else helping with the booth.

Charlie’s face lights up. “Oh yeah! He volunteers a lot with the alliance. He’s really big into sex education, and he’s just so great at it. He’s a real hit with the group. You’ll love him! Or at least I think you will if would get his lazy ass here already.” 

Castiel chuckles, setting down his bag on the desk. 

“I’ll be fine on my own if he can’t make it.” 

“Charlie!” 

The voice is booming and Castiel startles. There’s no need to yell in a space so small, and the noise echoes in his skull.

“Over  here,  Dean,” she yells back, and Castiel winces at the flash of pain at his temples. When he looks up at their visitor, shock pushes aside his annoyance.

Castiel’s never been overly loquacious, but he’s speechless now as he comes face to face with _Dean Winchester_. Dean smiles when he walks up to Charlie, and he looks just as good, if not better, than the last time Castiel saw him. He’s all chiseled jaw, peach fuzz, and green eyes that outshine emeralds. The way Dean’s face goes blank when he turns to Castiel is another story. 

“Dr. Novak, meet Dean. He volunteered to help you out today!” Charlie says , ignoring—or not noticing—the way Dean and Cas have frozen . 

Castiel wonders if Dean remembers him. He couldn’t forget Dean;  Dean has never been forgettable, unlike Castiel.

“I’ve got to check on the other volunteers, but you two get acquainted and I’ll be back to check back on you later.” 

With that she’s gone in a flash of red hair, leaving them in shocked silence. Castiel isn’t  entirely  sure this isn’t a dream. 

“Uh… wow, Cas. I haven’t seen you in forever,” Dean says. Dean was always the  cocky  kid in the leather jacket. Seeing him scratching the back of his head while blushing is a new thing for Castiel. “How ya been, man?” 

“I… have been well. How have you been?” 

Dean laughs. I, and it’s  deep and rich , like something out of Castiel’s fantasies. “Not too bad. Can’t complain too much.” Something about Dean seems to ease up and that bright smile comes back. “So, you  went and  became a doctor, huh?” 

A smile tugs at Castiel’s lips, and he feels like a shy sophomore again. “I did. I just opened a clinic in town actually.” 

“Hey, that’s awesome. Even cooler  that  you’re volunteering down here with the Spectrum Alliance. Charlie was freakin’ stoked when you agreed to  do the testing .” Dean’s attention shifts  to the bag on the table. “You need help setting up?” 

Castiel remembers why he’s here. He needs to get his station set up. “Oh, umm, yes. That would be great, if you don’t mind. Meg, my nurse, isn’t here to help.” 

“Course not. It’s what I’m here for.” 

They work in  comfortable silence as Castiel pulls everything out of the bag for set up. Dean arranges the tests and gets the sign-in log and waiver forms ready while Cas gets the waste container and supplies ready. Castiel feels like he should say something, anything , to break the silence . “So, what do you do now, Dean?” 

“Oh, well, I’m  actually  in adult entertainment.” Castiel’s brain stalls. He’s not sure if he’s misheard, misunderstood, or if Dean is joking. 

“Adult entertainment, as in…” 

Dean chuckles. “Porn, Cas. I’m a porn star.”

_ Oh. _

Dean Winchester is _literally_ straight out of Castiel’s wet dreams. 

“Haven’t hated it so far,” Dean says with a laugh. “But, uh, yeah, I’ve been doing that for a while. Which, uh, just to be on the safe side, my name’s Dean Smith if anyone asks. I go by my stage name while I’m doing public events and stuff. Helps keep the creeps away, you know?” 

“Of course. Your secret is safe with me.” His brain is still struggling to comprehend that Dean is  _ a pornstar _ . He doesn’t think he will ever be able to forget his porn name. He shouldn’t use this newfound knowledge to look up Dean’s  _ entertainment _ but he can already sense that resolve slipping, he’s only human after all. Desperate to stop his mind from going down  _ that  _ rabbit hole, he changes the subject to the only safe topic he can think of. “How’s your brother doing?” 

“Sammy? He’s doing alright for a moppy-haired know-it-all. Grew up tall though. Like freakishly giant,” Dean says, smiling fondly. Castiel can still remember Sam Winchester, a giant with mop of shaggy hair that used to fall over his eyes when it grew too long. If there were two things Castiel remember Dean Winchester loving, it was his car and his baby brother. “He’s almost finished law school now. Sonuvabitch got a 174 on his LSAT. He’s been doing some pro bono work with this law firm. They might even take him on when he finishes stuff.”

Castiel grins. “We all knew Sam had a bright future ahead of him. He had a good head on his shoulders” 

Dean beams at that as he finishes getting the clipboards ready. “How about your folks? You’re older brothers still kind of douchebags?”  

“That’s an understatement,” Castiel laughs. “My dad passed away a few years ago, but my mom is still very much the same. Michael and Lucas are trying to run his company in Boston. Gabriel left it all behind and now he’s running a confectionery company in town.” 

“Sorry to hear about your dad,” Dean offers. “My old man passed not too long after I graduated high school. I stuck around to take care of Sammy until he was off to college.” 

“I’m sorry for your loss as well. It’s admirable that you helped take care of your brother though. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been.” The words feel awkward, stilted, but Castiel has never been good at communicating feelings with people. But if Dean’s offended, he doesn’t show it and instead giving him a smile, even if it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“It, uh, wasn’t easy that’s for sure. I mean… I know it’s not the best thing in the world, but, uh, I started doing porn to help out a bit. Then it turned out I was good at it. Been in the business ever since.” Dean rubs the back of his neck. It’s so odd that Castiel remembers the gesture Dean did back in high school when he was embarrassed. “But, uh, it’s cool running into you, Cas. I think it’s kinda badass that you’re a doctor. I, uh, was thinking about the good ol’ days back in high school not too long ago. And I thought about you.” 

Castiel is at a loss for words the moment Dean speaks. He hasn’t thought much about high school since he left it. And if he’s being honest with himself, it’s not something he likes to dwell on, especially since he wasn’t exactly Mr. Popular back then. But even he can forget high school, he could never forget the first man he fell in love with, and the person that took his virginity. Castiel opens his mouth to speak, but he hears the sound of footsteps, and stops before he ends up with an audience listening to a conversation he doesn’t want them to hear. When he turns he sees Charlie’s back this time, looking all business as she inspects everyone’s progress. 

“We’re gonna open the doors soon. Do you have everything set up and ready to go?” she asks. 

Castiel nods. All he’s going to do is prick people’s fingers and then either make them wait for the results or have Meg call them tomorrow which will probably irritate her. 

“Cas and I are ready and rarin’,” Dean answers, sidling up to Castiel and throwing an arm over this shoulder as if he does it all the time. Castiel’s only been reacquainted with Dean for five minutes, yet Dean is slipping into his space like they’ve been friends for years. 

“Awesome! And keep an eye on this one, Dr. Novak. You let him get started and he’ll take over the whole damn show. Porn stars. Can’t trust ’em not to steal the spotlight.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Go find a computer to hack, Moon Queen.” Charlie sticks her tongue out at Dean and flips him the bird before she walks off to the other booths that are set up in the auditorium while Castiel watches mildly amused. Dean turns back to Castiel and smiles. “Alright, Doc. Where do you want me?” 

The double meaning of the words isn’t lost on Castiel, and seeing Dean smiling and looking like something out of wet dream, the answer he wants to give is  _ naked in his bed _ , but those days are long gone. Castiel swallows and reaches for the box of gloves. 

“If you can get them to sign a waiver and collect names and numbers that would be perfect. I’ll handle the testing and results.” 

Castiel puts his gloves on, letting the latex slap against the skin of his hand in that cliche way that’s done on television. It earns him a chuckle from Dean, and he feels proud that he can make the other man laugh, even with a cheap joke. 

“That’s kinky, Doc. Kinda remindin’ me a bit of Dr. Sexy right now.” Castiel’s mind goes blank and he quickly looks down as if that will somehow hide the blush in his face. When he looks up, Dean just winks at him before taking the clipboard and forms. 

Somehow, he’ll survive this. He survived four years of medical school. He survived three years of his residency under Dr.  _ Devereaux. He can  _ get through four hours with Dean Winchester. 

He hopes. 

 

**~***~**

As if today wasn’t already off to a strange start, the day only seems to be getting stranger. Initially, Castiel only expects to get maybe a handful of people willing to get their finger pricked for a free HIV screening. After the event gets underway, he gets even more than he could’ve imagined. 

Dean seems to be dragging people into the booth with a pull Castiel couldn’t have predicted. Dean’s practically glowing, striking up a conversation with anyone who so much as glances their way. He’s completely open and honest about his porn career although many people seem familiar with him, and be familiar with his career. Even the people who approach the desk with hesitation are easily won over by Dean and his energy. 

“Cas, I got another comin’ your way!” Dean yells over his shoulder. 

Castiel stifles the groan and focuses on the person seated on the seat in front of him. He’s already texted Meg to bring more testing supplies. Despite her only response being an angry face emoji, he hopes she’ll come through for him. And soon too. 

The patient, Kevin, is young and obviously shy. His face is almost grey, and he looks almost ready to pass out. Castiel really hopes he doesn’t pass out. When he’d first walked up he looked terrified of the test, but somehow Dean was able to calm him down, talking to him with quiet and calm tones until Kevin had felt ready to take the test. 

“You’ll feel a tiny prick, but you’ll be done after that,” Castiel explains as he prepares the HIV test. He gets a sterile wipe to clean the person’s finger and carefully sticks them before handing Kevin the gauze and a small bandage. He begins preparing the test. It only takes a couple of minutes, and he pours both the blood sample and the testing solution into the testing membrane. Kevin watches anxiously and Castiel feels bad for the guy. 

“Alright, you’re good to go. You can either wait for the results, they will be ready in twenty minutes, or you can call or stop by our office for them after tomorrow. If we haven’t heard from you after a couple of days, we’ll give you a call with your results.” 

“Thanks so much.” Kevin’s still a bundle of nerves, but seems slightly calmer now. “Umm, is it weird if I got tested even though I’ve… I’ve never had anal sex before?” 

Castiel smiles. “Of course not. In fact, it’s highly encouraged that you get tested for HIV whether you’ve had penetrative sex or not. Starting good testing habits now will help you when you do engage in penetrative sex.” 

Kevin smiles a bit at that. “Thanks. Oh and will these tests be confidential? My mom doesn’t know that I’m here, or that I’m…” Kevin stops and Castiel already knows exactly where he’s going with that, it brings back memories of when he was in the closet. It had taken a long time for him to be ready to tell his own parents. 

Castiel offers a reassuring smile. “The results are completely confidential and won’t be released to anyone except yourself. There’s no way anyone else would find out.”

Finally, Kevin seems to break out of his shell a bit and gives him a smile with his eyes shining with it. “Thanks so much, Dr. Novak.” 

Castiel stands up from his stool and takes off his glove before shaking Kevin’s hand. “You’re welcome, Kevin.” 

Kevin smiles and nods before he walks off out into the auditorium. Castiel looks at the table and counts exactly two tests left. When he looks up he sees Dean chatting up people, a small distance from the booth. He needs a break anyway. His back is sore from sitting, and until Meg arrives he can’t do much more anyway. 

He figures there’s no harm in mingling a little, and if that also means he can get closer to Dean, he’s not going to complain. However, when he gets closer he realizes that the little crowd around Dean has nothing to do with the offer of free HIV testing. 

“So, in order to give good head, you really gotta tease. A little tongue underneath the head is always good. Really gets a guy going. Oh, and don’t be afraid to lick and suck on the thighs when you’re down there. It’s all about taking a guy apart with feeling,” Castiel hears Dean say. He freezes where he stands, unsure of whether he should approach, if he can handle listening to Dean talking about  _ giving head _ . The small gathering turn their attention to Castiel who realizes his face is probably giving away just how mortified he is. 

Castiel’s pants are feeling tighter now, but that mixture of being turned on by Dean and then having people looking at him makes his heart feel like it’s about to burst out of his chest. 

Dean turns around, eyes landing on Castiel and his mouth falling open just a little. Castiel exhales and sucks in a deep breath to bring himself back to reality. “I can… umm… come back,” Castiel mutters. His face feels like it’s on fire.

Dean smiles and shakes his head before chuckling a bit. “Nah. Don’t worry. We were just talking about sex stuff. I, uh, usually have a sex tips table I do here and give... I call it Pro-Tips with a Porn Star. I, uh, decided to drop it to help out with the HIV testing booth, but I guess I just couldn’t help myself.” 

Of course Dean Winchester is giving sex advice. Castiel can’t say he’s had as much sex, probably not as much as most people, but even after all these years he can’t forget how Dean could have him writhing under his touch. The way Dean had made him feel is nothing like he’s ever experienced since — or possibly ever will again.

“Oh, umm, that’s fine. I was just stretching my legs.” Castiel’s knows he sounds absolutely mortified, listening to Dean Winchester,  _ his high school fuckbuddy _ , talking porn with students. 

“Well, we were just talking about how to give the best blow jobs. Got anything to share doc?” 

Castiel definitely goes beet-red at that. His body feels like an inferno and he thinks  he could melt into a puddle of goo on the floor. His saving grace is Meg walking in with a bag of tests in hand and one of the fiercest bitch faces he’s ever seen on her. 

“Umm, if you’ll excuse me,” Castiel says before he scurries off to Meg. Even if she looks ready to murder him, it’s a safer bet than getting involved in this conversation. 

“You owe me for this. I was about to get my nails done. And I had to cancel my hair appointment just to bring you a bunch of stupid tests.” 

“I will pay you back for both. I just really need you here,” Castiel blurts out, speaking so fast he’s not even sure if even he understood what he said. 

Meg pins him with a perplexed look. “What in the world has you so flustered?” Meg’s ability to figure situations out is both a blessing and a curse. It makes her a great nurse, but it also makes her a terrible friend who can read him like a book. She looks over his shoulder and Castiel has no doubt that she’s seen Dean. 

“Is that… Dean Smith?” Meg asks. 

“You know him?” Castiel asks. 

“Anyone with a computer and an internet porn subscription knows who Dean Smith is, Clarence. He’s only like the hottest porn star in the world.” Meg’s suspicious glance becomes gradually more suspicious. “What is he doing here? And is… that why you’re panicking?” 

“I am not panicking,” Castiel growls. 

Meg smirks. “You’re totally panicking. In fact, I think you’re panicking because you have a crush on Dean Smith.” 

“I do not have a crush on Dean Smith.” Castiel sighs as he looks over his shoulder at Dean who’s completely engrossed in conversation with another group of people. He’s glad that people seem more interested in Dean than HIV tests, for the moment at least. Castiel grabs Meg’s arm and drags her back behind the booth. 

“Is there a reason you dragged me all the way back here? I was enjoying the eye candy,” Meg gripes. 

Castiel rolls his eyes and mentally steels himself to tell Meg the truth. “It’s because… I know Dean Smith.” 

“Well, I’d hope so. If you’re not out there dating, I would at least hope you’re watching some quality porn. You need to relax more anyways.” 

“No!” Castiel says, emphatically. “I mean I know who Dean Smith really is.” He closes his eyes and he can see an image of Dean back when they were in high school. So much about Dean is the same, but so much is different. Of everything that has changed the thing that has remained the same is that confidence that still makes Castiel weak at the knees even thirteen years later. “We… went to high school together.” 

That seems to get a rise out of Meg. “Interesting, but still not much of explanation for why you’re practically hiding from him right now.” 

“I… lost my virginity to him in high school,” he blurts out.

Meg’s eyes shoot wide and she looks like she’s about either breakdown into a laughing fit or choke. 

“Wait? You… lost your virginity to Dean Smith, the porn star?” Meg says, it’s a laughing fit certainly, judging by the faces she’s making, and she looks like she is barely able to contain her laugher. 

Castiel shushes her and looks around, scared that Dean could walk up to them at any minute. “Yes. We had a fling in high school.” 

Meg is grinning from ear to ear now and he’s fully aware that having this conversation with Meg is making this entire situation worse now. “Damn, Clarence. I didn’t think you had it in you, but younger you had some serious game if you landed Dean Smith.” 

“I don’t even know why I told you this.” 

“Because you love me,” Meg schmoozes. Castiel resigns himself to the complete embarrassment that today is going to bring. He’s not going to win at all now matter what he does. The only worse thing right now would be if Dean walks up. 

And of course when turns around that’s exactly who’s standing there face to face with him.

“Hey, Cas.” 

“Oh, Dean. I thought you’d be busy handing out sex tips for a while?” 

Dean shrugs. “Nah. I’m here to help you. Didn’t mean to derail and steal your spotlight.” Dean looks at the bag on the table and he seems excited, his face breaking into a wide grin. “Hey, you got more tests. That’s great!” 

As if on cue, Meg pushes in next to Castiel and gives her best flirtatious smile. Castiel didn’t even know she  _ had _ a flirtatious smile like that. It’s almost predatory. 

“All thanks to me of course. Clarence here would be lost if it wasn’t for me,” she says. 

Dean puts on that charming smile that Castiel remembers all too well. It’s that smile complete with those same bedroom eyes that could put Castiel under in just a mere second. When Dean gave him that look, Castiel knew he and Dean were going to have mind-blowing sex. His blood runs hot now just seeing it again. 

“And you are?” Dean asks. 

“Meg. Clarence’s nurse and the person keeping him from going insane,” Meg purrs. “I know who you are though.” Castiel rolls his eye and snorts, earning him an elbow from Meg. 

Dean’s clearly amused and leans in a bit closer. “Well, uh, it’s always good meet a fan.” Dean turns his attention back to Castiel, who feels like he wants to crawl into a hole and die for some reason. “Cas, you ready to get back to it?” 

“Umm, yes. We can be twice as fast with Meg here now,” Castiel answers. 

“Yeah, right. That should be great,” Dean says. Castiel doesn’t think that he’s imagining things, but he’s pretty sure that Dean’s smile seemed to fade a little when he mentioned Meg. 

“I’ll, uh, see if I can get more people over here.” Dean walks away, and Castiel can’t help but he feel that something went terribly wrong. 

“Oh my God. He’s so much hotter in person,” Meg says, breaking him out of the myriad of thoughts of what changed between him and Dean that run through his head. “And did you see the way he was looking at you?” 

Castiel turns to her and squints. “He was looking at me normally.” 

“Are you kidding me? He was totally interested in you. He might have been playing it up with me, but he was totally focused on you.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Thankfully, before Meg can argue with him another person walks up to them and presents them with the signed waiver form. 

Meg turns a look on him that screams ‘we’re not talking about this’, and Castiel is hoping that maybe she’ll forget about it, as futile as that wish may be. As he greets his newest patient, he can’t help but wonder if there is any truth to what she said. Was Dean hitting on him? Is Dean into him? 

 

**~***~**

The event is almost over and Castiel and Meg together have run through about forty people. It’s a surreal experience. It’s far more than Castiel had been expecting. He’d only packed twenty kits with him initially, but between him and Meg they more than doubled that estimate. He’ll need to restock on tests for the clinic even.

The biggest, and admittedly, pleasant surprise, is Dean. Dean always makes sure to linger when asking if there’s anything he can do for them. Castiel watches how Dean is so different with everyone else. He smiles, tells a joke or two, even signs a few autographs when asked. But when he comes back, it’s different. Dean’s smile seems different when directed at him. It’s just so odd, and when the day is over and everyone’s closing down their booths, Castiel’s no closer to figuring out the mystery behind Dean Winchester than when he first saw him this morning. 

The one thing he can do without today are the knowing looks Meg throws his way whenever Dean comes back. Whenever he looks her way, she smirks and Castiel looks away. 

Charlie appears not too long after he and Meg have gotten everything put away. The test cultures for the patients that didn’t opt to wait for the results are separated and ready to go, and Castiel’s happy he doesn’t have any bad news to report. Another perk is that he’s almost entirely out of business cards, which will hopefully mean more patients. 

“Good day?” Charlie asks as she bounces up to them. 

“Very much so. We’re almost out of tests after today.” 

Charlie beams and looks as if she could hug him right now. “Bitchin’!” Castiel tilts his head and squints and Charlie seems just as confused. “Sorry, I meant, that’s awesome! Always nice to see more kids getting tested.” 

“Charlie’s got this habit of saying crap that no one but her can understand,” Dean laughs. Dean is right next to him, and Castiel’s doesn’t miss the way Dean’s shoulder brushes against his. “You get used to it after a while.” 

“Whatever, Dean. Seriously, don’t you have like porny things to do or something?” Charlie snarks back. 

“You still jealous that I got to bang Belladonna?” Dean teases. 

“I am over that!” Charlie bites back. 

Castiel isn’t sure what he’s doing still standing around, but he’s rescued by Meg who makes her way over. 

“Looks like there’s a party going on here. Didn’t want to feel left out.” 

Castiel doesn’t miss the way Charlie blushes when Meg moves in next to her. If Meg notices, she doesn’t show and instead has her focus laser-pointed on Castiel and Dean. 

“What? Party? Over here, with this guy?” Charlie jokes, nervously enough that even Castiel picks up on it. “Actually I was about to ask, before I was rudely interrupted by Dean, if you’d ever consider doing testing here again? I’d love to be able to hold monthly HIV screenings, if possible. We can’t pay you to come, but we can totally get you all the free lunch or dinner you want,” Charlie offers. 

Everyone turns to look at Castiel expectantly, but the only set of eyes Castiel cares about is Dean’s, and he doesn’t think he’s imagining the intensity with which Dean is looking at him now

“Well, I…” 

“Clarence would love to. It’s a great way to get the community engaged,” Meg intervenes. Castiel shoots her a glare, but she doesn’t even acknowledge it. 

A strong hand clasps his shoulder, and he drops his eyes from glaring at Meg. 

“That’s great, Cas!” 

Meg huffs and Castiel can just imagine the accompanying eye roll that comes with it. “I’m going to finish packing up. I’d like to get home and make the most of what was supposed to be my day off.” 

“Oh, I’ll help!” Charlie offers. Meg and Charlie both go off to finish taking down the booth. It’s just Dean and Castiel now and Castiel’s confident that there’s no way he could excuse himself without being rude or obvious about it. 

“Seriously, Cas, it’s great that you came out here today. It’s a really good thing you did today,” Dean starts. 

“It was nothing at all. I needed to drum up some business for the clinic, and I’m glad to help the local LGBTQ community.” 

“Well, still. It’s kinda badass that you’re a doctor now. I mean, not that I didn’t expect you to be something awesome when you grew up. You were a freakin’ genius back in high school anyways.” 

“I could say the same for you. Your openness with your profession in adult entertainment is extremely admirable.” 

Dean snorts and shrugs. “Yeah, well, wasn’t exactly a guy to hide shit. Plus, both my parents are dead so don’t really have anyone left to disappoint. But, I’m hoping you’ll stick around the area for a bit? It’s been cool catching up and I’d love to see you again. Maybe help out again like today.” 

“Oh, well, yes. That would be nice.” 

Dean grins. “Awesome. Your number still the same?” The question catches Castiel off-guard, but he nods his head slowly. “Cool. I’ll text you my number. Had to get it changed when I changed plans not too long ago. But, uh, I’ll catch ya ‘round, Cas.” 

“Yes, you will.” 

Dean takes that as a perfect exit cue and waves before he disappears out of the auditorium. Castiel’s left with a multitude of questions, the biggest one being why in the world did Dean keep his phone number for all these years after they parted ways.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s three weeks since Castiel and Dean had worked together for the school sexual health event and Castiel hasn’t stopped playing that moment in his head over and over again. If he wasn’t absolutely mortified of what Meg or even Gabriel would say, he’d ask them just to make sure he isn’t going insane. But since that would also include facing their teasing, he keeps the secret of that night to himself. 

But that leaves him questioning whether or not Dean was flirting with him. 

But other than that, the clinic has finally found its footing and things are settling down. He’s also just come off a week of call for the hospital, so he’s ready to take a break relax. Since today’s a no walk-ins day he’s been able to take it a little easier and catch up on emails, charts, and patient lab results. For the first time in what’s felt like months, he feels caught up. 

“You’re looking rather pensive,” Meg comments as she corners him as he’s rounding the hallway towards his office. 

“I am?” Castiel replies, curious. Meg studies him, humming as she gives him a once over, and Castiel can feel himself squinting at her. 

“You are. And you seem weirdly stuck or something. Your face has that weird squinty, constipated look you get when you’re thinking too hard about something. You’ve been like that for days now.” 

Meg looks him over a couple of times, and Castiel feels as if he’s being placed under a microscope. 

“Would you stop that?” 

“I’m just examining you to see if someone managed to shove another stick up your ass,” Meg teases. Castiel rolls his eyes and groans before pushing past her towards his office, Meg doesn’t let him escape that easily though, and is right on his heels the entire time. “Oh c’mon. You have to admit that was pretty good.” 

“I do not have to do any such thing. And I do not have a stick shoved up my ass. I’m just concentrating on trying to get my work done, just like you should be.” Castiel sits down at his desk and Meg shrugs as she stands in the doorway. 

“I’ve already called in all the patient medications for the day, and I tricked Anna into taking lunch early so I could adjust the schedule in the system and get us out on time today.” Meg sighs with a feigned look of exhaustion. “Anna, that poor girl, she just doesn’t understand how to not over-book. But, I fixed that, so I know for a fact we don’t have anymore patients scheduled today. So, I’m basically just riding the clock until we get out of here.” 

“So instead, you decide to spend your time harassing me about my face?” 

Meg smiles. “Beats cleaning the exam rooms.” Meg plops down into her usual seat and stares at him. “So, haven’t told me how the rest of your day with Dean Smith went at the event.” 

Castiel huffs, but he knows that any signs of frustration with Meg are meaningless. She hasn’t listened to him a day in her life about anything that doesn’t relate to patient care and he’s not seeing the day she ever does anywhere in sight. 

“There’s nothing to tell. He helped take names while I performed the tests, we talked a bit, and then he left.” 

Meg scoffs. “Really? That’s all? Because you looked like you were about to melt into a puddle on the floor when I saw you staring at him.” 

Castiel feels himself squinting again, but as much as he wishes it would come across threatening he knows it’s the polar opposite. 

“You know, in most workplaces they would call this harassment,” Castiel dead-pans. 

“True, but we both know you’re not going to fire me,” Meg says as she leans back in her seat. “So, did he flirt it up with you?” 

“No, he did not flirt with me,” Castiel growls, probably sounding more defensive than he meant. “We simply caught up on each other’s lives. He asked how I was doing, I asked how he was doing.” 

Meg hums. “Still sounds like you’re not telling me something, Clarence.” 

“I assure you, if I had anything good to report, you’d be the first to know,” he says with a heavy eye roll and mocking tone. 

“I better be. I’m a one of kind nurse.” 

Before Castiel can let another sarcastic comment fall from his lips, his cell phone rings. Thankful for the interruption,  Castiel picks it up, almost immediately regretting it when Gabriel’s name is visible on the screen. At some point in time, Gabriel had managed to wrestle Castiel’s phone away from him and added a close up on his face in sunglasses as his profile pic. Castiel’s wanted to change it ever since, but he can never seem to remember to do it. 

“Lemme guess. Your brother?” Meg inquires, she doesn’t look to him for an answer though. 

“He’s probably calling to force me to make me go to another party with him. He’s convinced I’m hopelessly antisocial.” 

“Well, that makes two of us then,” Meg quips, earning another glare from Castiel. 

He debates answering it, but he knows Gabriel, and if he doesn’t answer it now, he’ll keep calling and calling until Castiel finally does answer it. He sighs and hits answer which Meg takes as her cue to leave. 

“Hello?” he greets. 

“Hey, little bro. What’s up?” Gabriel’s excitable voice calls out on the other end of the line. 

“Work. That’s what’s up,” Castiel mocks in response to his brother.

Gabriel blows raspberries, forcing Castiel to hold the phone away from his ear. “You’re a workaholic, Cassie. You need a break. Or a vacation for that matter.” 

“It’s my regular clinic hours, Gabriel. I can’t just stop working in the middle of the week.” 

“Sure you can! It’s called being your own boss, little bro. You just tell everyone you’re leaving and you do it, and then you go home or wherever it is you go when you’re done with work.” 

Castiel feels a headache coming on and rubs his forehead with his freehand while holding his phone up to his ear in the other. 

“Is there a reason you called, Gabriel?” 

“Of course there is, you dunderhead. I want you to come to my place this Saturday! I’m having a get-together with a small group of friends, and I want you to get your lazy, anti-social ass out of your house for once and have some fun.” 

A house party? Gabriel and parties are like icing and cake. They just go hand and hand. Castiel and parties on the other hand mix like oil and water. Gabriel’s parties are no exception. 

“Why would I go to one of your parties? I don’t know any of your friends.” 

“Exactly! You need to branch out and meet people! You’re always working and taking calls and doing boring adult stuff. You need to let loose for a bit. Stop and smell the pies and cakes.” 

Castiel huffs. “I’m smelling plenty of desserts, Gabriel.” He’s only mildly annoyed and embarrassed that he caved in and went with one of Gabriel’s ridiculous analogies, especially this one since Gabriel is the owner of a big name bakery and catering company. 

“Sure you are. Anyways, the party starts at seven and you’re coming and I’m not taking no for an answer.” 

“Gabriel, I’m not—” 

“Oops, gotta go! Kali’s walking in and she looks like she means business. See you Saturday!” 

The line goes dead immediately and Castiel freezes as if he’s just been smacked with a two by four. Then again, that’s usually how most of his conversations with Gabriel goes. He’s always lucky if he gets a word in edgewise with his brother. It’s been that way ever since they were kids.  

And now, he has the issue of Gabriel’s party to deal with. There’s really no win for him. If he goes, he’s miserable for a few hours until he can reasonably leave without Gabriel pitching a fit. If he doesn’t go, he’ll get increasingly irate and drunk calls from his brother berating him until he has no choice to either go or turn his phone off, which if he’s unlucky and he’s on call at the hospital that week he can’t actually do.

What’s a few hours of misery anyway. At the very least he can probably get some good alcohol and a place to sleep it off without feeling awkward. Plus, alcohol will hopefully give him a reprieve from over-thinking this whole Dean situation. 

 

**~***~**

The moment Castiel walks into Gabriel’s house, he wonders if he could probably find some way to murder Gabriel. Maybe he can pass it off as self-defence, he’d much rather face a jury than the party. Gabriel’s house is a grandiose disaster. It’s truly a mansion that one would see on one of those TV shows about the fabulous life of the rich and famous. 

Then again, Gabriel has been all about flash even if he doesn’t care about it. The problem isn’t the house, but more so the number of people in the house. The house is full of people, many of them very conventionally gorgeous and… scantily clad. Honestly, if Castiel wasn’t sure of his brother’s address, he’d almost wonder if he’d wandered into a night club by accident. 

There’s alcohol aplenty as Castiel silently wades his way through the throng of people who seem to be looking at him. He’s not sure what that look means, and he’s not sure if he wants to either. Everywhere there seems to be people doing all manner of things. There’s a game of beer pong taking place in his living room. Castiel’s counted at least four different couples making out in various places, the two guys making out look like they’re ready to go the whole mile any second now. 

Yeah, he’s going to kill Gabriel. 

He locates his missing brother in the kitchen where he’s flanked by two women wearing dresses clearly designed to show off their breasts in a way that leaves little to the imagination of what is underneath the dress. 

“Hey! There’s my little bro!” Gabriel shouts, that usual drunken shout that lets Castiel know he’s already had a few. 

The people in the kitchen turn their attention to him and Castiel feels the heat pooling in his cheeks. He’s not sure what he’s gotten himself into, but he’d definitely like to find his way out of it. 

He sucks up his awkwardness for a few moments before storming his way over to his brother. “Gabriel, a word,” Castiel growls. 

“Sure, sure,” Gabriel agrees. Gabriel turns up to one of the women, a tall blonde with an outrageously overdone tan, and whispers something in her ear, resulting in a giggle. “You ladies don’t have too much fun without me,” Gabriel says louder, giving them both a wink. 

The ladies wave at the two of them as Castiel grabs Gabriel’s arm and pulls him into his over-sized pantry to get them some privacy. 

“What the hell is this?” Castiel barks. 

“What? I told you it was a party,” Gabriel whines petulantly. 

“You said a few people! This isn’t a few people, Gabriel!” 

“Psh! You should’ve seen the party I had the other week. You could barely fit people in the house! This party has nothing on that one.” It astounds Castiel that Gabriel clearly thinks that’s a credible defense and Castiel really only has himself to blame for falling for Gabriel’s nonsense. 

Castiel sighs, resigned that he’s going to have to pretend to have a good time until Gabriel ignores him again. “Fine. Can you at least tell me who these people are? I literally don’t recognize anyone here.” 

“Oh, didn’t I tell you? I rented my house out to a porn studio, and they’re having a wrap party to celebrate the ending of a big shoot! The Bi-curious Adventures of Dean Smith.” 

Castiel’s eyes shoot wide open. On one hand, he feels considerably less like a dick now that he realizes that his first thought of the people at the party wasn’t that far off base. On the other, he’s not exactly sure how to feel about being in a house full of porn stars. And he’s not sure if it’s jealousy that he feels for some reason when he realizes that this porn party is celebrating a porn movie involving Dean. 

Gabriel looks so damned pleased with himself that Castiel doesn’t think it would matter that Gabriel left out that very important detail. 

Castiel hangs his head down. “You rented your house out to a porn studio?” 

“Well, duh? I’m part owner in Casa Erotica!” 

Castiel has changed his mind. He no longer wants to murder his brother. He’s instead praying for an early death instead. He’s immediately mortified that the porn studio that he’s a fan of is part owned by his brother of all people. He’ll definitely be finding a new site to subscribe to soon. 

“Were you going to tell me that you owned a porn studio?” Castiel yells. 

Gabriel shrugs. “I thought I did.” Castiel rolls his eyes and lets his shoulders sag. Gabriel on the other hand seems alls smiles again. “Oh, I’ve got someone you need to meet!” 

“Wait, Gabriel. No, I—” 

Before he knows it, Gabriel is pulling him along out of the pantry and back into the throng of people and Castiel isn’t sure if it’s the alcohol or something else, but Gabriel is a lot stronger than Castiel expected. He’s dragged practically across the entire house until he’s in another off room that looks almost like a dayroom. 

“He was here just a second ago,” Gabriel mutters. 

Castiel uses Gabriel’s distraction to wrestle his arm free from his brother, which is when Castiel’s gaze falls directly on Dean. He’s engrossed in a conversation with a burly man with crisp blue eyes and a shorter woman with dark hair who could probably double as a runway model, if she’s not already one, and short, stout man with a combover and an expensive dark suit that stands in stark contrast to the dress code of everyone else in the house. Everyone pales in comparison to Dean though. Dean’s dressed so casual, in a t-shirt and jeans with holes ripped in them. 

“There he is!” Gabriel shouts, and the group looks over, including Dean who smiles directly at Cas, this time without the whole awkward shock phase this time. Castiel lets his guard down just long enough that Gabriel is able to grab and drag him over to the small group of people. All but Dean hone in on him like a hawk, eyes sharp and curious.

“Cassie! You remember Dean-o right? Oh, and also, meet Crowley, my partner in Casa Erotica.” 

The short man that Castiel assumes is Crowley gives him a once-over and Castiel doesn’t bother to hide his shudder being scrutinized the way Crowley is doing. 

“He’s a bloody, fine specimen,” Crowley says before sticking his hand out. “Fergus Crowley, part owner of Casa Erotica and various other business ventures.” Castiel shakes it even though part of him feels dirty shaking Crowley’s hand. Something about the man oozes sleaziness. 

“Castiel. I’m Gabriel’s brother.”

“My not as good-looking younger brother if I might add. He’s got some positive qualities though.” 

“Amazing,” Crowley replies with a deadpan tone. “So, you and Dean are acquaintances?”

Castiel turns to Dean, his expression is a mix between confusion and maybe curiosity. Castiel might be good at reading patient’s symptoms for a diagnosis, but he’s still not very good at reading people and this moment is a reminder of that. 

“Umm, yes. We went to high school together.” 

Gabriel blows a raspberry and about doubles over in a drunken laugh. “Oh, don’t be modest, Cassie. Dean and Cassie here, totally boned in high school. Cassie might be a doctor and a big ‘ole prude now, but he was a horndog back in then.” 

“Gabriel!” Castiel quickly yells. Castiel is full-on blushing, but now it’s a mix of both embarrassment, anger. The ground opening up and swallowing him, or Gabriel, would easily be the greatest thing that could happen to him right now. 

“What? I’m just saying you’re already of the blessed few who got the Dean Smith experience.” Gabriel downs the rest of the drink in his hand before leaning on his brother’s shoulder.

Crowley though seems highly intrigued by Gabriel’s comment, staring at Castiel with a very lascivious glint. “Are you interested in joining the studio? I think we could definitely find a few projects to fit you into with Squirrel here,” Crowley says. Castiel feels an insane amount of heat pool in his cheeks, and everyone in the little ground around them turns to look at Castiel directly, though it’s Dean’s laugh that he focuses on. Suddenly, Dean is stepping a little closer to him. 

“Don’t think Cas here is the porn type,” Dean laughs before moving to Castiel’s side and wrapping an arm around Castiel’s shoulder. 

Crowley doesn’t seem all that dissuaded by Dean’s words and gets a glint in his eyes. “Are you positive about that, Squirrel? Because I could see you two making magic together. Maybe it can be like the good old days of high school.” The rest of the people in the group laugh a little, and Castiel does his best to chuckle a little, but he’s not sure if they’re laughing at him or with him. 

Castiel turns to look to Dean who doesn’t nearly as bothered by Crowley’s suggestion. He’s not sure he can take any more of this, he needs to get out of here. 

The bigger man, with the rugged beard and baby blue eyes grins. “Don’t worry, brother. We’re just givin’ ya hell. You’re in good company. Promise. ‘Sides, we’re just here to have a good time, and celebrate. It’s been a grueling week filming this damn video. Probably seen and experienced enough of Dean to last me a goddamn lifetime.” 

The woman who’s with them gives Castiel a quick glance and smirks. “I’m amazed that you passed up this fine specimen. I’m beginning to question your sanity, Dean. But if he’s free, I’ll totally take him.” The woman’s accent is different. English maybe? Castiel’s not sure why he’s so focused on that, but then he realizes that if he doesn’t focus on something right now, he’ll be stuck wondering what the glare that crosses Dean’s face is for.   

“Hey, hands off Bela,” Dean says. It sounds joking, but it sounds sharp in a way that makes Castiel think there is some real bite to it. “And, hey, I could say the same for you too, Benny. It’ll be nice not to worry about your goddamn leg hair tickling my thighs when I’m riding you,” Dean says, chuckling as he jabs Benny. Somehow the joke has everyone chuckling while Castiel is standing puzzled at what he obviously assumes is porn star humor and feeling the sparks of jealousy sprouting deep inside him. Unresolved feelings that he thought were long buried deep down though are threatening to rear their ugly heads again.  

Benny, turns to Castiel and smiles. “So, tell me, what was Dean like back in high school? He never tells us anything except the occasional story or two about old hook-ups and the times he nearly got caught.” 

Gabriel throws back the rest of his drink before bursting out laughing. “Cassie’s probably got all sorts of stories. He lost his v-card to Dean, you know.” 

Castiel freezes and feels like he’s going to vomit. When he turns to Dean, there’s no way that look of shock is faked. When Dean turns to him Castiel feels his body reaching a level of heat he didn’t think it was capable of. The room feels like it’s spinning, especially after everyone’s eyes settle on him in interest at the revelation. Being in a room full of people who’s job it is to get naked and have sex on camera only seems to make the situation worse.

Castiel shrugs Dean’s arm off his shoulder. He needs to escape before he vomits all over Gabriel’s floor. He hasn’t even had a single drink yet. 

“I… need to go to the restroom.” 

Castiel escapes the group and shuffles past a slew of curious onlookers before disappearing upstairs to Gabriel’s bedroom. It’s the only place that Gabriel keeps off limits during his parties, and it’s the only place Castiel knows he can escape to without risking anyone following, or being interrupted. He consciously ignores the fact that there might have been a porno shot in here and especially the fact that said porno might have involved Dean. 

He slams the door shut behind him and breathes a sigh of relief for the first time since he walked into the party. He makes his way into Gabriel’s bathroom and throws water on his face. It doesn’t do him any good, but it helps to cool his face at least. He’s afraid to go back downstairs and he’s got enough cause to hide out in here for the rest of the night or at least until he can slip out. Gabriel’s drunk enough that he’ll be distracted and forget all about him soon enough. 

Castiel plops down on his bed and soaks in the peacefulness of being alone. There’s still music blasting downstairs and a multitude of people yelling, screaming, and laughing all around him, but at least he can pretend it’s not real while he’s here. 

That is until there’s a knock on the door that disturbs his brief moment of tranquility. 

“Go away,” he growls, not concerned about being pleasant to Gabriel’s houseguests. 

“Even me?” Dean’s familiar drawl makes that odd flutter in his chest return, and for a moment he considers telling Dean to go away again, but he stays silent. “C’mon, Cas. I just wanna talk for a minute.” 

Castiel huffs and sits up on the bed. “You can come in.” 

The door opens and much to Castiel’s relief he sees Dean walk in by himself, a beer in hand and a tiny smile playing at the corner of his lips. It’s surreal again to have Dean here in a one on one setting like this. It reminds him again of high school. He still remembers the few times he’d snuck into Dean’s house when Dean’s dad wasn’t home, and his parents were convinced that he was going to study group. 

“Mind if I sit next to ya?” 

Castiel shrugs, which Dean takes as an invitation to sit down on Gabriel’s bed next to him. For a minute they just sit in silence, words that Castiel thinks he could say to Dean not flowing into his brain at all. Dean, on the other hand, seems content to just sit and drink his beer in silence. 

“You know, it’s kinda weird being in this bedroom now. Guess cause it’s not a movie set,” Dean jokes. 

Somehow Dean always manages to bring a tiny smile to Castiel’s face even when he’s feeling all sorts of ways on the inside. 

“I’m still shocked that he rented his house out to have a porno shot in it.” 

Dean snorts. “Definitely ain’t the first time. Kinda par for the course when you’re a part owner of the studio. Plus, Crowley’s house is shit to film in. Lighting sucks ass in there.” Dean finishes his beer and puts the bottle on a nightstand. “Also, I’m pretty sure you’re brother’s a sex addict.” 

It’s Castiel who snorts this time. “I could’ve told you that. He’s still on my mother’s shit-list for using her credit card to rack up three hundred dollars’ worth of subscriptions to porn sites when he was sixteen.” 

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” 

Castiel shrugs. “It’s Gabriel. I don’t think anything about him surprises anyone anymore.” 

Dean nods and grins but then scratches the back of his head. “Hey, look, Cas, I’m sorry about what happened back there. I, uh, shoulda stepped in earlier.” 

“Oh… um, it’s fine, Dean.” 

“No, it’s not. Crowley’s kind of a dick and once he’s got his sights set on someone he usually doesn’t let up until he gets his way. Guess I didn’t think Gabriel would open that that door by telling Crowley about the whole us hooking up in high school thing.” 

Castiel huffs. “Yeah. Gabriel and I are going to have a very serious talk when he’s not drunk and fawning over anything that moves.” 

“Sad part is, he’s pretty tame tonight compared to some of the other parties we’ve had. Last party he threw, he  almost got us thrown off a party boat when the captain caught him screwing some poor guy in the bathroom.” 

Castiel rolls his eyes. “That’s not surprising. Some days I wonder if Gabriel will ever take anything seriously.” 

“Hey, he’s been the mastermind some of Casa Erotica’s best videos, so he’s doing good on that front. But I can see what you mean,” Dean laughs. They sit in a weirdly comfortable silence for a few moments and Castiel can’t help himself from falling back on Gabriel’s bed and stretching out. He doesn’t look up, but he doesn’t need to in order to sense that Dean’s staring at him. 

“So… is it true?” Dean finally asks, question piercing through the silence. 

Castiel’s acutely aware of what Dean’s asking, but for his own sake he feigns dumb. “Is what true?” 

“What Gabriel said back there. About me—you know—being your first and all.” 

Castiel sits up but doesn’t meet Dean’s eyes. He’s not ashamed, or at least he doesn’t think he is. He’s not sure what these emotions are that sit deep in the pit of his chest when he thinks about Dean and their past. 

“Yes. It’s true.” 

Dean shakes his head, but he doesn’t seem surprised. After all, it was all in the past, so why would Dean care now? 

“Damn. Fooled me all these years.” Somehow that is what surprises Castiel. He’s not sure what to expect, but Dean smiling like he’s about to bust out laughing isn’t it. “I mean, not that it matters or anything, but… uh, you definitely didn’t come across that way.” 

Castiel pins Dean with a raised eyebrow. “You still remember our first time?” 

“Psh. Course I do,” Dean dismisses. “Look, Cas. I’ve had a sex with a lot of people pretty much since high school, and I can tell ya that you were pretty damn unforgettable.” 

There goes the flush again, a strange mixture of embarrassment and maybe a bit of arousal that Dean ranks him pretty high on the list of sexual partners. He hopes the darkness of the room masks how his face is probably lighting up right now. 

“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation right now.” 

Dean chuckles. “Trust me. I’ve had worse in much more awkward positions than this. Try having a camera crew surrounding you while you’re balls deep in someone.” 

“I can’t imagine that at all,” Castiel laughs. There’s still a question that’s dancing in the front of Castiel’s brain ever since he’d heard one of Dean’s friends mention Dean’s high school hook-ups. He remembers the lack of closure with Dean. There was no goodbye or this is over. It just stopped. He’s not sure what they were. All he remembers is the longing sometimes. The nights spent wondering if he’d ever be more than Dean’s dirty little secret. If there’s ever anytime to ask, might as well be now, right?

“Did your friends ever know about us?” 

Dean turns to face him, face scrunched in confusion. “Us-us? As in when we were in high school? No… I mean. Victor might’ve known. Maybe Jo too, but I never actually told anyone. I mean, we were just fuckbuddies. Why?” 

“It’s nothing. I was just wondering.” Dean’s words hurt, but he’s not going to show it. It’s been years since he and Dean had — whatever it is they had. He chalks the hurt to that feeling of closure that he wished he’d had all those years. Maybe it’s a few years late, but he’s got it now. 

“Did you ever tell your friends about us?” Dean questions. “I mean, I figure you told Gabriel at some point since he knew.” 

Castiel surprises himself and snorts and grins. “I only told Balthazar and Gabriel, and I only told Gabriel because I mistakenly asked him for tips for… when we hooked up.” 

Dean bursts out laughing at that, nearly falling off the bed in the process. “You asked Gabriel — your  _ brother _ — for sex tips?” 

Castiel huffs and tries hard not to roll his eyes. “I had no choice. Most of my friends were either church friends— and you don’t ask your church friends how to have sex with another man— or they were friends I know who hadn’t had sex yet either.” 

Dean recovers from his laughing fit a little, and Castiel is loathe to admit just how much he enjoys it when Dean smiles. “Guess you got a point. Can’t believe you told him though.” 

Castiel shrugs. “I’m still in disbelief at a lot of things in high school. Not quite sure how Dean Winchester, of the most popular boys in school, decided to sleep with the captain of the math team.” 

Dean hums. “Maybe cause I realized the captain of the math team had a nice ass when he was walking home in the rain.” 

For some reason that wasn’t a pleasant memory to reflect on. But the first time he talked to Dean was indeed a rainy day when his brothers were at college. Castiel had no car and had stayed late for a math team practice session. He decided to walk home and just as the sky had opened up drenched him. That was when a black impala had pulled up next to him and a most popular kid in school with earnest green eyes had offered him a ride home. 

From there it was all sort of a blur. 

They slept together on and off. That was only when Dean wasn’t dating someone else. He tries not to remember those heartbroken nights when he’d see Dean cuddled up with someone else. It was those times when he realized that he would never have that with Dean. 

“You sure nothing’s botherin’ you, Cas?” Dean asks. 

“Yes. I’m fine, Dean. I was having a moment of nostalgia.” There’s a flicker of concern that crosses Dean’s face in the dim light, but Castiel thinks of a way to ignore it before he spills the things on his mind. “You know, when your friend said that you used to talk about your past hook-ups and getting caught, and it just made me think of that one time we snuck away at that corn maze and nearly got caught in the barn by the owner.” 

Dean laughs quietly and pulls his entire body up on the bed now to face Castiel fully. “Man, that was close. If he had turned the other way, we would’ve been screwed. Didn’t help either that your dick was sitting right on my prostate.” Somehow the crude language doesn’t even bother Castiel anymore, but Dean seems a bit flustered. “Sorry. Working in porn kinda fucks with your filter.” 

“It doesn’t bother me.” Castiel doesn’t even think before he lets the next sentence slip out of his mouth. 

Dean laughs. “You know, I pitched a porno based off that too. Never told Crowley where I got it from.” 

“I can’t believe I helped inspire a porno.” 

Dean snorts and sits there staring at Castiel. Under Dean’s gaze, Castiel feels oddly naked. It could be the atmosphere, though when he remembers that he’s in Gabriel’s bedroom and the no doubt unhygienic things that he probably does in this bed the mood is ruined. Or it could be how those green eyes looks at him the same way Castiel remembers all those years ago. 

“You know, Cas. For what it’s worth, I, uh, wish I had kinda told everyone about us.” 

Dean’s admission leaves Castiel speechless and searching for something — anything to say in response to that. Is there anything to even say to that? 

“I… umm. Well, it’s in the past right?” 

Dean blinks a couple of times, but shrugs and nods. “Yeah. It is.” 

There’s something still lingering in the air, a question or words simply left unsaid but dying to be spoken. A few loud and obnoxious knocks on the door, however, leave those words hanging. 

“Cassie! I know you’re in there!” Gabriel shouts, intoxication obvious in his expression. Castiel’s lucky Gabriel even bothered to knock. It gives him a moment to turn to Dean and he realizes just how close they were lying. Dean’s hand is almost touching his and somehow in the midst of their conversation they had found themselves almost leaning into each other. 

Gabriel, of course, bursts in right as he makes that realization. 

“Cass—ie,” Gabriel slurs. That smirk that slowly spreads across Gabriel’s face sends panic alarms ringing in Castiel’s head. 

“Gabriel, it’s not what you think,” Castiel quickly defends. 

“Oh, I think it is. You sly dog. You and Dean were gonna bang. In my room!” Castiel can feel himself wanting to be swallowed up by the floor again. “Don’t deny it, baby bro. I mean, it’s not like you haven’t been wanting to climb Dean like a tree since high school.” 

“Alright, lay off him, Gabe,” Dean interjects as he hops off the bed, once again seemingly unbothered by Gabriel’s rambling, judging by his calm, if amused expression. 

“Aww, but I bet you wanted to lay on him. Isn’t that right, Dean-O?” Gabriel teases with a waggle of his eyebrow. Dean clearly doesn’t give him the reaction Gabriel wants and Gabriel turns to Castiel. “Seriously, Cassie. What were you two up in my bedroom?” 

“Nothing,” Castiel replies, but indignantly enough that it only seems to amuse his older brother. 

“Oooh, someone sounds defensive. You sure you and Dean-O here weren’t making up for lost time? I could get you two a good scene together if you want to take a dip in the porn world.” 

Castiel’s body is already moving on autopilot before Gabriel even finishes his sentence. He’s out of the door and leaving both Dean and Gabriel behind to make his escape. 

“Hey, Cas! Wait!” he’s pretty sure he hears Dean yell, but the sheer embarrassment is overwhelming and he keeps moving, his escape within sight now. He’s not sure if anyone is staring as he comes scrambling down the stairs of Gabriel’s house and out the door. 

If anyone is watching him he doesn’t pay enough attention to it. Everything around him is a blur. He flees to his car and sits there for a moment, letting the jittery hands and hyperactive nerves that comes with his embarrassment settle enough to drive. It’s frustrating that even after all these years, Dean Winchester can still do this to him. Emotions he thought were buried have now risen to the surface. 

An uncomfortable, anxious couple of minutes pass and finally clarity returns to him, enough that he can think about driving. Neither Dean nor Gabriel come after him and he wants nothing more than to get in his own bed and disappear for a few hours. 

If he’s lucky, maybe he’ll never see Dean Winchester again and he won’t have to think about what happened tonight. 

He ignores the part of his brain that revolts against the thought and starts his car.


	3. Chapter 3

“Special delivery. Again,” Meg drawls as she walks in with another gift basket of Novak Candies. “Gotta say, I’m really partial to this one. It’s all chocolate.” 

Castiel briefly looks up and groans before looking back down at the patient lab he’s trying to study. “It’s yours then. I’d prefer not to add it to the pile that have already been delivered.” 

He’s lost count of how many gift baskets have been sent to the office, but he figures the number is hovering somewhere around twenty-five. It’s more than enough to send everyone home with two or three, provided Gabriel quits sending them. This is, of course, all because he refuses to accept Gabriel’s calls or his text message apologies. He’s probably got just as many unanswered messages from Gabriel as he does gift baskets. 

“Alright, I’ll bite. What did Gabriel do this time?” 

“He lied to me and embarrassed me at one of his stupid parties.” 

Meg sets the gift basket down before plopping into one of the chairs across from Castiel’s desk. “Isn’t that kind of expected by now with any party at Gabriel’s? When was the last time you’ve gone to one of his parties and actually enjoyed yourself?”

“You don’t understand, Meg. This was different. It wasn’t just any party. It was a…” Castiel looks up to make sure no one is lingering in the doorway waiting to talk to him before leaning in a bit closer to keep his voice hushed. “It was porn star party.” 

Meg shrugs. “That sounds like my kind of party.” 

“And Dean was there.” 

Meg relaxes back into the chair and crosses her legs, a smug grin spreading across her face. “So that’s what this is about. Gabriel embarrassed you in front of your boyfriend.” 

“Dean is not my boyfriend,” Castiel growls. Meg doesn’t budge on the disbelieving look she shoots him and finally Castiel sighs. “Gabriel brought up that Dean and I used to sleep together to several of Dean’s associates.” Is that what you call porn stars who work together? His mind has been a mess this entire time ever since he’d had the unfortunate encounter with Dean and Gabriel in the same place. 

Meg rolls her eyes. “Newsflash, Clarence. Porn stars probably don’t care that you used to bang Dean Smith. In fact, they’re probably impressed. I don’t see what the big deal is.” 

Castiel feels that familiar sense of dread that’s become more frequent in the last few weeks in his stomach again and he finds himself exhaling an even bigger breath now. “I… sort of told Dean that he took my virginity.” 

The room goes silent for a moment with Castiel waiting for any sign of what Meg’s response might be, but he immediately regrets it when she bursts out laughing, loud enough to attract the attention of everyone in the office, probably even of people on the street knowing his luck. 

“Wait. You’re telling me he didn’t even know he took your v-card?” she snorts, still giggling in amusement. 

“Keep it down,” Castiel shushes. “And no. He didn’t. He was very surprised to say the least. I think I actually managed to embarrass him.” 

“Wow, that’s pretty impressive Clarence. You managed to embarrass a porn star about sex. I feel like that should qualify you for an award.” 

Castiel rolls his eyes. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. This is not appropriate workplace conversation. Besides, I should be getting ready.” 

“You? Leaving before seven at night? I must have died and gone to Heaven, or Hell maybe. I imagine Hell would mean I’m wearing these blue scrubs for all of eternity.” 

“You’re never any help,” Castiel bemoans. 

“It’s my job to give you shit, Clarence. That’s what friends are for. Anyways, where are you off to so early?”

Castiel starts gathering his charts into a neat pile on his desk while organizing everything. He likes to have everything in order for when he’s next in. “If you must know, I’m going back to the school. I offered to do more after hours HIV screenings for anyone who couldn’t make it.” 

Meg folds her arms and laughs. “You? Volunteering to interact with people? Now I really am worried about you.” Castiel glares at her, but it just seems to amuse her more. “Are you sure you’re not doing this in hopes that you’ll run into your boyfriend?” 

“Will you stop saying that. And, no, I am not doing this for Dean. Charlie asked if I could start coming once a month and I said I would.” 

Meg shrugs. “Better you than me I guess. Unless you’re going to pay me overtime. I’ve been eyeing this destination cruise to the Bahamas and a little extra money wouldn’t hurt.” 

“I’m not paying you overtime, Meg.” 

Meg sticks her tongue out. “Spoilsport.” 

Castiel checks his watch and he’s got just enough time to make it to the school on time if he skips the afternoon snack he was hoping to grab. He already missed lunch, but he doesn’t have the time for it now. 

“I gave you the gift basket with all the chocolate didn’t I? Consider that your bonus pay for the month,” Castiel teases as he grabs his bag and makes his way out of the office. “Have a good weekend, Meg.” 

“Whatever. I hope you throw out your back riding Dean into the sunset.” 

Castiel snorts as he leaves the room, but he’s sure to keep his face hidden. He doesn’t want to give Meg the satisfaction of knowing that he’s definitely considered the thought of riding Dean like his life depended on it a lot more lately. 

 

**~***~**

Doing the screenings today is so much different than the first time during the fair. There’s no influx of people to get tested, and those that do come are people he’s able to have a conversation with in regards to testing and safe sex. Having a room to himself to talk to people privately seems to be working well. He’s even gotten a couple of patients out of it, a young, gay couple who promised to come in and get a full STI screening together. 

His stomach is growling all through the evening, and he regrets giving away the gift baskets Gabriel sent him. Which reminds him that he should consider calling Gabriel. He’s still angry, but there’s no sense in alienating him completely, especially when he’ll need an ally for any future family functions. He is the only brother who doesn’t judge him. The same can’t be said for Michael or Lucas. 

The visits have slowed and he finishes the results for the last person he’ll call tomorrow, so he begins contemplating dinner plans. If he doesn’t at least get something to eat within the next hour or so he’ll probably pass out. 

“Hey, Cas.” 

No. This can’t be happening. 

Castiel looks up from the desk and sees Dean standing against the door frame with a grin. Castiel is almost convinced that he’s staring at Dean in total shock, and it’s hard not to when Dean’s wearing form-fitting jeans and a black leather jacket over a tight t-shirt. A pair of aviators hang loosely from the v of his t-shirt, dragging it down and showing off more of Dean’s chest. 

Castiel swallows, forcing himself to drag his attention away from Dean’s chest. “Hello, Dean.” 

“Charlie said you were around, so I figured I’d stop by and see how you were going.” 

Castiel finishes packing away the used tests and the rest of his supplies while Dean stands around and watches. “I’m just packing up actually. I offered to do screenings for a couple of hours, but I’m all finished.” 

As if waiting for the right moment for maximum embarrassment, Castiel’s stomach erupts into a loud rumble that has even Dean stupefied. No amount of flexing his stomach seems to curb the loud demand for food, and he can once again feel the heat in his cheeks out of sheer humiliation. 

“Woah. Someone’s hungry,” Dean says with a laugh. 

“I’m sorry. I skipped breakfast and lunch today and have been trying to survive on a protein bar to keep up with all my appointments. I was hoping to get actual food before I came, but that didn’t work out either.” 

Dean chuckles and shrugs. “I know the feeling. Had a shoot the other day that kept us on set from eleven in the morning ‘till eleven that night. Poor girl and I woulda both passed out had Garth not made an emergency run to McDonald’s at like nine.” Castiel offers a tiny smile in acknowledgement. He’s not sure has has anything to say to that. He still hates that tiny twinge of jealousy at all the people who are lucky enough to have Dean like that. “You know… there’s a decent Biggerson’s just right off campus. We could walk there if you’re hungry.” 

“Oh, I, umm—okay.” 

Castiel’s stomach growling again almost answers the question for him. 

“Hey, if you’ve got something else to do, we don’t have to go. Just an offer.” 

“No.” It comes out more forceful than even he expected it to, and Dean stares at him a little surprised at the response. “I mean, no, it’s fine. I just need to put this in my car. I don’t want to leave anyone’s private information or tests lying around.” 

“Awesome,” Dean beams. “Where’s your car?” 

“It’s over by the art building.” 

“Damn. That’s on the complete opposite end of campus,” Dean curses. 

“Apparently, that was the only visitor parking available at the time.” 

Dean snorts. “Nah. Parking services are lazy assholes. They never check on Fridays. Fuckers clock out and don’t even bother. Suddenly, Dean snaps his fingers and an idea seems to pop into his head. “Tell you what. How bout you leave that in my car and then I’ll drive you back after we eat.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Dean shrugs. “Yeah. I don’t mind. I mean unless it’s like a crazy health hazard to leave that in my car or something.” 

Castiel laughs quietly. “Everything is sealed properly and is no threat to contaminating you or your car.” 

“Awesome. C’mon, I’ll take you to my baby.” 

Castiel snorts. “Are you still calling your cars “baby”?”  Castiel recalls all the times he’d been in Dean’s car. He remembers how much Dean loved that 1967 Chevy Impala. The back bench seats provided quite a bit of entertainment for them, especially when they were too horny to make it to a bed. 

“What do you mean cars? My baby has been the same one I’ve had since high school,” Dean laughs. 

“You’re kidding.” The smile on Dean’s face answers the question for him. 

“Don’t believe me, come take a look.” 

Dean walks out of the room and Castiel follows closely behind him until they’re off campus and in the parking lot where Castiel comes face to face with Dean’s car, the same ol’ black Chevy Impala that he remembers from all those years ago. 

“Holy shit. You really do still have it,” Castiel marvels as he slowly circles the car. The car is every bit as pristine as the high school days when Dean would watch and care for that car like it was a full time job. 

“Told you.” Dean’s grin is bright and familiar just like all the times before when he’d talk about his car. 

“How in the world have you kept it going for so long?” 

“Dad taught me how to keep it in shape well enough. Then after high school, I started working part time with Bobby down at Singer Auto to make some extra cash, and he taught me how to do the rest. Every once in a while I do a full tune-up on her.” Dean unlocks the car and crawls inside to unlock the passenger side door for Cas. “Drop that bag in there and we can head to get some food.” 

Castiel does and shuts the door before joining Dean who’s already a few steps ahead of him. 

They walk through the campus side by side in silence. It’s odd and way more domestic than anything Castiel could remember with Dean back in high school. When he thinks about high school and Dean, he remember sneaking around and fucking like rabbits in any place they could find. There wasn’t any hand-holding or walking side by side across campus like this. Still, as much as it hurts how he didn’t get that back then, it feels good now even if he’s not sure what the hell he’s doing with Dean. 

“You still pissed at Gabriel?” Dean finally asks. 

Castiel shrugs. “A bit. He’s flooded the clinic with gift baskets and left me probably fifty texts and voicemails. I doubt he’ll stop until at least acknowledge him.” 

Dean laughs. “Glad to know he’s just as tenacious with you as he is on set.” 

Castiel hums. Dean turns to look at him with green eyes filled with something like wonder, or maybe curiosity?  Castiel can’t pinpoint it, but it’s something so different than he’s seen with Dean before. 

“So, what made you pick family medicine?” 

The question comes out of the blue, and Castiel feels unprepared to answer it to say the least. “Umm. I don’t know. I guess it just sort of felt right to me.” He doesn’t like to think back on his time in medical school, but the memories come flooding back to him as he thinks about Dean’s question. “My parents wanted me to be a surgeon. I was good at it, but it never felt right. I guess it was when I did a couple of volunteer hours at a family clinic for low income residents that something clicked. After that, I decided that I was going to do family medicine.” 

“That’s… really cool, actually, Cas.” 

Castiel hums amused that someone thinks it’s cool. “You should have seen my parents face when I told them I had decided on family medicine. You would’ve thought I’d spit on my Grandma Hester’s ashes the way my mother reacted.” 

“I remember your mom. Lady scared the shit out of me.” 

“She still would. Why do you think I moved across the country from her?” Castiel laughed. 

Dean chuckles along with him. “Good point.” 

They finally happen up on the edge of campus and Castiel sees the Biggerson’s right there. His stomach growls, probably in celebration at the impending arrival of food. Dean laughs again and Castiel sighs, realizing he just can’t win. 

“Let’s see if we can’t get some food in you. I’m scared your stomach might implode if we don’t.” 

“If I didn’t know that was physically impossible, I’d be inclined to agree with you,” Castiel says. 

They cross the streets and walk into Biggerson’s and the scent of freshly cooked burgers and fries fills Castiel’s nostrils. It’s so tantalising, and he’s so close to actually being able to eat, he has to stop himself from leaving his mouth wide open and drooling. 

They order their food, Castiel embarrassed that he upsized everything to the largest option they had while Dean just ordered a regular, and find a booth tucked away in the corner away from the small crowd of college students. He’s going to have to do a long morning run to make up for this, but the smell of his burger and fries is more than worth the hell he’ll deal with tomorrow.   

When he takes that first bite he can’t help the lewd noises that fall out of his mouth. As he chews in ecstasy though he becomes consciously aware of Dean watching him with eyes practically glossed over. 

“Damn… you really were hungry,” Dean says with a nervous laugh. 

Castiel puts his burger down and quickly grabs a napkin to wipe the ketchup and mustard off his face before hanging his head down, a little embarrassed by his own enthusiasm. “I’m sorry. I tend to inhale my food like a maniac when I haven’t eaten.” 

“Hey, no shame. I, uh, well, I think it was the noises you were making that were a bit more… distracting.” Castiel really wants to crawl under a table and die now, but it’s Dean’s somewhat embarrassed look that keeps him intrigued enough not to. “Not gonna lie, Cas, but, uh you might have a real career in porn making noises like that. Not a lot of guys know how to even fake noises like that.” 

Castiel tries to regain some composure and plasters on a fake, confident smile. “Are you trying to get me into porn now too?” 

Dean shoves a few fries in his mouth and swallows them down with a swing of his root beer before throwing Cas a grin. “I mean I wouldn’t complain if you got into it. Think you’d get a big following pretty quickly.” 

“Thank you, I guess,” Castiel chuckles. They eat in silence for a few moments and while Castiel is scarfing down his food, questions start buzzing around in his mind. The Dean Winchester he knows, or knew, is an enigma; nothing more than a fantasy that Castiel would sleep with when Dean and he crossed paths. This Dean now seems different. “I want to ask you the same question. What made you decide to do porn?” 

“Geez, asking the hard questions, huh?” Dean leans back into the booth and inhales a deep breath. “I guess it’s cause I’m good at it. Sex… well it’s fun. You know as well as I do that I’m not shy about sex. It feels good. So why not get paid for it?” 

Castiel nods and he can’t find any fault in Dean’s logic. When Castiel thinks back to all those times in high school, Dean was absolutely top notch. Not that he’s had a lot of men to compare him to since then, but what little he does have to compare, he knows for a fact that Dean was the best of the best. 

“Is this what you want to do as your career then?”

Suddenly, Dean’s expression is thoughtful. Castiel can tell something is turning inside Dean’s head. 

“Honestly, I can’t say. I thought about directing maybe. I’ve helped out a couple of times and it seems kinda cool. Different, but I figure I could get used to it.” Castiel thinks to say something, but there’s pensive look in Dean’s expression that makes think better of it. “I don’t know, there’s another job, but it’s kinda out of my reach.” 

“What is it?” Castiel inquires. 

Dean groans as if frustrated, but his face shouts embarrassment more than anger. “It’s nothing. Forget I said it.” Castiel is no stranger to people trying to keep things from him. Being a doctor he’s used to having to pry information out of people for a living. The look he gives Dean is the same look he gives all his patients, and Dean responds in kind with a bemused look of his own. “Seriously, Cas. It’s nothing.” 

“Dean,” Castiel admonishes. 

Dean huffs. “Jesus, you’re persistent. Alright. Look, it’s no big deal and it ain’t ever gonna happen, but, uh, I had thought about maybe being like a sex teacher or something.” The words spill out of Dean’s mouth so fast that Castiel isn’t even sure if he heard Dean right or not. 

“Did you say… a sex teacher?” 

“Goddamnit. See, this is why I didn’t want to say it,” Dean grumbles, looking mortified now. 

“No, Dean! I’m not making fun of you. I’m just making sure I heard you correctly.” 

Dean exhales and the pent up frustration seems to release slightly. “Yeah, you did. I just, I like sex alright. And since I started volunteering here, I kinda like coaching kids on like sex tips and stuff. Can’t believe the crazy shit kids believe because they watch so much porn.” 

Castiel raises an eyebrow, but he can’t help but grin. “Isn’t that ironic coming from you?” 

“Hey, screw you,” Dean laughs before throwing a fry at him. 

Castiel chuckles as he brushes the fry and salt off him. “I’m not making fun of you, Dean. I think teaching of any kind is admirable. So, is this teaching them… about having sex?” 

Dean snorts before finishing the last of his fries and chasing them down with a swig of his soda. “Nah. Or, well, maybe? I don’t know. I’d love to learn more and teach kids about sexuality and stuff. Maybe teach’em about being comfortable with their bodies and sex and shit. Y’know, more than you learn in that shitty health ed class in high school.” 

Castiel smiles and imagines Dean working as a teacher, but then he quickly blinks those thoughts away simply for how good he imagines would like like that. 

“That’s a very admirable goal, Dean. What’s your plan to get there?” 

Dean snorts and shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah, well, it’s kind of a pipe dream, so there isn’t one.”

“Dean, surely you can make some strides towards this?” 

Dean shakes his head, and even though he’s smiling there’s a strong sense of resignation behind those sparkling green eyes. “Nah. There’s nothing like that in my future. There ain’t much in the way of a future in education for a guy with a GED and his longest career is in porn, Cas.” 

“Not with that attitude,” Castiel counters. Dean doesn’t seem moved by Castiel’s words and Castiel finds himself at an odd crossroads with this Dean that’s so down on himself. 

“Hey, it’s alright, Cas. Charlie lets me host like this roundtable talks with the kids in Spectrum, so it feels like I’m doing something even if I’m not really doing shit besides talking to them about sex.” 

Castiel smiles fondly. “Dean. It’s an admirable goal. And I’m sure you could achieve it if  you want to.” 

“Yeah, well. There’s a lot of shit I’d have to figure out. I wouldn’t even know where to start.” 

“I’d be willing to help, Dean.” 

Before Castiel can even consider the words that have come out of his mouth he’s caught off-guard by the speechless and wide-eyed look of shock painted on Dean’s face. 

“Cas, you don’t have to help. It’s nothing really.” 

“Dean. Your dreams are not just nothing. You deserve to go after them, and I’ll be more than happy to help you. In anyway I can. It’s what friends would do.” 

“Friends? Right.” It’s not the reaction that Castiel is expecting from Dean, but that brightness that had flourished in his face fades almost immediately. There’s still a smile on Dean’s face, but it’s painfully obvious that it’s not what it was only a moment ago.

“Is something wrong, Dean?” 

Dean shakes his head and that usual look, a mix of amusement and confidence, returns to Dean’s expression. “Nah. I’m fine. But, uh, thanks for the offer to help. I’ll definitely let you know if I ever figure this thing out.” Castiel feels a twinge of uncertainty in his stomach. Something in Dean’s tone seems defeated, but Castiel doesn’t push it since Dean clearly has no interest in talking about it. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Oh, umm, sure.” 

“This is gonna sound crazy, but, uh, did you ever like, wanna date me back in school?” 

Castiel is suddenly aware of the sound of his heartbeat in his ears. That feeling of everything around him slowing down except for him and Dean returns. 

“I… well…” Castiel stutters. The words refuse to come. Why does Dean want to know now? What good would it do him? 

“Sorry for putting you on the spot. I just… guess I’m still in my head about what happened at Gabriel’s place the other night.”  

Gabriel.  

They clean off their table and make their way out of Biggerson’s and they’re quiet most of the time they walk back. The mood between them is different. There’s a tension that while it makes Casitel uneasy, he at least welcomes the relief of not having to ask what’s the cause of it. 


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel doesn’t get phone calls early in the morning, at least not good ones. At his old job early morning calls like this usually meant one of his patients in the hospital had taken a turn for the worse. Since he’s no longer working that job the only other alternative is that it’s his mother calling. Despite living on the west coast and his mother on the east, she still hasn’t adjusted to the time zone difference between the two of them. On the rare occasions that she does call him, it’s always early in the mornings like this. 

He blindly fumbles for his phone on the nightstand, praying to any deity willing to listen that it’s not his mother, especially since he hasn’t planned to be up for at least a couple more hours He only has the weekend STI clinic today, and that usually means he gets a sleep in. 

When he grabs and looks at it, he grumbles when he sees his mother’s contact information flash across the screen. He debates not answering it, but he knows better than to ignore her. 

He clear his throat and sighs before hitting the green phone symbol to take the call. 

“Hello, mother,” he greets, his voice still raspy from sleep. 

“Good morning, Castiel. You sound tired. Shouldn’t you be awake?” 

“It’s five in the morning, mother. I don’t have to be at the clinic for another four hours.” 

Naomi just hums, once again not concerned or picking up the time difference between the two of them still. “Well, I will keep this brief them. As you know, you missed Thanksgiving last year.” 

“Yes, I’m aware. I had to work. I was taking call for the hospital that week.” 

He immediately knows where this is going. Naomi Novak might not have been the most tender of mothers, but if there was one thing she demanded, it was that all her children be present at certain holidays, Thanksgiving being one of them.

“That being said, I’m calling ahead of time to ensure that you’re planning on coming home for Thanksgiving this year?” 

It’s not a question so much as a prompt with an expected response. He knows his mom too well. He knows that he doesn’t have much of a chance of saying no without earning her trademark disappointment voice and a lecture as well. It shouldn’t bother him as much as it does, but it’s never failed to make him do whatever it was she wants eventually. 

“I’ll have to look into whether I can close the clinic or not, but I believe I can make it. Can I confirm whether I’m coming later?” 

“Of course. I don’t expect an answer right away. I just wanted to make sure you knew you were invited. Your brothers have all confirmed that they’re coming, so you’re the last one I haven’t heard from.” He knows that’s code for he doesn’t have much of a choice in whether he will come or not, and since all his brothers are going, he has no excuse not to attend. 

“Absolutely. I’ll try to let you know as soon as I can.” 

“I look forward to it. Also, I heard from some of the ladies down at the country club that Inias is supposedly moving back. His mother asked about you. You boys were so close in high school.” 

“That’s interesting, mother. Maybe we’ll run into each other next time I come home,” he grumbles with an eye roll. He’s been, unknowingly, setup on a date by his mother before, and he’s not inclined to let it happen again, especially when each of his dates has ended in total disaster. Inias was one of the few other openly gay kids in his school and while they were friendly, there was never any interest in dating. His mom on the other hand knows that Inias is from a well-off family and has a very nice job which mean he’s the perfect match for him. 

“Yes, well. I’ll let you back to sleep. I’ll expect an answer on thanksgiving soon,” she reminds him. 

“Yes, mother. I’ll let you know as soon as I can.” 

“Good. Love you, Castiel.” 

“Love you too.” Castiel hangs the phone up and throws it down on the bed next to him before slamming his face down into the pillow. He grumbles into the fabric and has a strong feeling he won’t be able to go back to sleep. 

The last thing he expected or needed today was a the reminder that the holidays are looming right around the corner. He knows for a fact that he probably won’t be able to get out of going home for the holidays which means he’s going to be miserable for the next two months knowing he will be heading home. He loves his family dearly, but between his mom and his brothers, he knows it’s going to be a mess. 

He tries to lay back down and close his eyes in hopes that he might be able to get some more sleep, and to maybe restart an already crappy start of his weekend. 

 

**~***~**

Castiel feels like hell as he walks up to the front door of the STI clinic. His eyelids are heavy, practically demanding to close and get at least another two hours of sleep, and his body feels weak and sluggish. Even with his alarm clock waking him up on time, he barely made it out of his house, and he’s running at least thirty minutes late. That also meant no morning coffee which was par for the course today. 

After all, this is him volunteering away his Saturdays. Some days he wishes he hadn’t run into her and volunteered his weekends away. Then he could sleep in the comfort of his own bed all day. 

There’s already patients filling every waiting room seat in the clinic when he walks through the doors. Some he recognizes as returning patients, and others are brand new. Today is walk-in day which means he’ll probably be here well past closing time. Hannah’s clinic has a strong ‘never turn a patient away’ policy, even if the clinic is already locked down for the night. Castiel maintains the same policy for his own clinic. It’s honestly a miracle Hannah’s staff stay as long as they do, when most of them are doing it out of the goodness of their own hearts.  

He says his good mornings to everyone before disappearing into the back where he’s quickly greeted by Hannah, her white coat already thrown over her pants suit. 

“I usually expect you to be a few minutes late, but not like this. Did anything happen?” 

There’s genuine concern in her voice but Castiel sighs as he meanders his way into the temporary office he uses on Saturdays. 

“I had a very interesting morning?” Castiel grumbles. 

Hannah hums, clearly amused. “Is that your excuse, Castiel?” 

“Yes,” he say with a sigh. 

Castiel plops down in his chair and rubs the persistent sleep from his eyes. On the desk are patient charts for people already waiting. Some of these people are here to receive the free medications that are keeping them alive. On a day like this he’ll see no shortage of nervous teenagers, members of the LGBT community of all ages, and sex workers, and it gives him some joy that he can either give them some peace of mind or medication to keep them alive. 

“That’s the exhausted face of someone who either had a really bad date, or got a really bad phone call,” she points out. 

“You know I don’t date,” he quips as he begrudgingly reaches for the first patient chart. He sighs as he opens it, relieved that it’s a returning patient who is simply getting a six-month STI screening. He doesn’t have to look up though to realizes that Hannah is still staring at him, waiting for an answer. “But you were right about the second part. My mother called this morning. She wants to get the family together at her home in Boston for Thanksgiving.” 

Hannah raises an eyebrow. “You’re upset about going to see your mother?” 

“She’s… an interesting character. She’s very strict and likes things a certain way. I’d say she’s controlling if she wasn’t my mother.” 

Hannah chuckles under her breath. “Sounds like someone else I know. Likes to have things done a certain way, doesn’t like change.” Castiel throws her a glare but is met with a shrug and smile. “If you don’t want to go, Castiel, why not tell her you can’t.” 

“I can’t say no to my mother. She’s too good at guilt-tripping me. And if it’s not her, then she’ll have Michael, or god-forbid, Gabriel coerce me into it.”

Hannah shrugs. “It sounds to me like you’re going then, Castiel.” 

Castiel slams his head down on his desk. “But if I go, I’ll be bombarded with questions about why I’m not dating, and what am I doing with my life. Or even worse, when will I have kids. For an entire week.” 

Hannah smiles, and Castiel appreciates the more motherly approach she has, especially when he’s complaining. It’s a welcome refresher from Meg and Balthazar’s usual snark. 

“So, instead of saying no for your own peace of mind, you agonized over it all morning?” 

“Her phone calls do tend to throw me off my schedule for the day. Plus, she mentioned an old friend from high school that she’s determined to set me up with since I’m still single.” Hannah sighs, rolling her eyes and Castiel can’t help himself from exhaling again as if breathing in the disappointment radiating off her. 

“You could simply go on a date, Castiel. There are plenty of eligible people here that’d love to date you, much less a doctor. Then you could tell her that you are actually dating.” 

Castiel groans. “I haven’t exactly been successful with my past attempts at dating.” Castiel can’t remember the last successful date he went on, especially since he and Mick called it quits after three months — and even that could hardly be called dating. 

“Maybe you can take a friend with you. Maybe Balthazar will go with you. I believe your mom knows and approves of him?” 

Castiel shakes his head. “She despises him. She likes his profession. Cardiothoracic surgeon sounds like a much more appealing and lucrative career than family medicine doctor.” He huffs again, probably more than he really should given that his current predicament is all his fault since he’s never quite learned to say no to his mother. “On a scale of one to ten, how bad is today going to be?” 

“Eleven. I had five people waiting when the clinic opened, and it’s about that time for the porn studios to start sending in actors for their STI screenings. I imagine we’ll be here most of today.” 

Castiel stifles the groan that threatens to fall from his mouth only because STI testing is probably one of the easier things he does at the clinic. It doesn’t require any thinking and it will give him a chance to really take stock of his thoughts and feelings about seeing Dean again after so long. 

In a weird way, he feels like a cliche. Like one of those cheesy romance novels you find on the gay fiction dating website. A doctor and having a crush on a porn star and childhood friend. It’s a bit weirder since this porn star is someone he knows and knows better than most. Still, fantasizing about Dean never hurt anyone, right? 

“Well, I guess we should probably get started then shouldn’t we?” 

“All the exams rooms are currently occupied and I’ve only got one tech today so I think so.” 

Castiel stands and puts on his white coat that he threw on the desk before making his way towards Hannah. 

“There’s no chance you made coffee, did you?” Castiel asks, knowing full well that Hannah never makes coffee. He’ll never understand how she makes it through life only drinking that nasty tea.  

“If you’ll consider going on a date to appease your mother, I’ll make you the best brew you’ve ever had.” 

Castiel rolls his eyes and quickly walks out of his office, mostly because he would seriously be considering her offer if he hadn’t. With one final groan he throws on his best attempt at a smile before he pushes his way into the first patient’s room. Today is definitely going to be a long day. 

 

**~***~**

Castiel imagines that death probably feels a lot like he feels right now. His muscles ache and he’s been feeling like he is on the verge of passing out all night. He wasn’t sure the influx of patients would stop. Hannah had warned him that some days would be worse than others, but her words couldn’t have prepared him for this. 

Still, they made it through the day. Hannah finishes up with the last patient and before long the only people left are the two of them. At least tomorrow is Sunday which means he’ll at least be able to sleep in — the only day of the week he’s able to. 

A few light raps on the door has him looking up from the last of his charts to see Hannah standing against the door, her arms folded. 

“We survived,” she says teasingly. 

“Barely,” Castiel mutters. 

“True. But we still did.” Castiel smirks and shrugs while slowly gathering the papers strewn on the desk. “Thank you again for helping out, Castiel. I don’t think I tell you that enough.”

Castiel can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. He’s met a fair share of doctors in his lifetime and a lot of them, unfortunately, are egotistical jerks that make him occasionally question why he got into the profession, but then there’s doctors like Hannah who remind him that a few humble doctors do exist. 

“It’s nothing, Hannah. I’m happy to help out. You’ve truly created a special place here, helping so many people.” 

Hannah pushes a piece of hair out of her face, a blush creeping into her pale cheeks. “I appreciate that. I have more money than I know what to do with. It’s just nice to take one day to help others, even if it’s only doing STI screenings and handing out condoms.”

“Well, I hope you know how much your work is appreciated.”

Hannah smiles. “Thank you, Castiel.” Castiel yawns and stretches as another wave of exhaustion washes over him. He’s going to sleep really well tonight. “Are you going to be much longer?” 

Castiel shakes his head. “No, I was actually getting everything in order, before heading out for the night. You go on ahead. I’ll lock up” 

“Are you positive, Castiel? It’s not a hassle for me to stay and keep you company,” Hannah offers. Castiel shakes his head while sifting through a few patient charts he has laid out on his desk. 

“I just have a few things to look over and then I’ll be done. You go on and enjoy the rest of your evening.” 

“Alright then.” Hannah smiles. “Goodnight, Castiel.”

“Goodnight, Hannah.”  

Castiel listens to Hannah’s footsteps as she makes her way out of the clinic, but he pauses from reading the charts from one of his earlier patients when he hears another voice. He can hear Hannah talking now, but the other is distinctly different, and definitely male. 

Castiel gets to his feet and makes his way to the front of the clinic, he freezes in his tracks when he sees Hannah talking with none other than Dean Winchester. 

Castiel finds himself nervously, unsure what to say when Dean’s green eyes land on him. Dean is all rugged handsomeness in front of him, face tinted with peach fuzz while somehow managing to wear a heavy leather jacket over top of flannel. He looks like something out of Castiel’s dreams and he hates how he looks at him. 

“Oh… uh, hey, Cas. I—uh—didn’t realize you worked here.” 

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel greets, looking between Dean and Hannah. “I don’t work here per se. I just help out Hannah on Saturdays. Is something wrong?” 

Dean swallows. “No, uh, well—shit—yeah there kinda is.” There’s frustration and exasperation in Dean’s expression and Castiel feels worried for him. “Look, I’m sorry for the late show, but I was hoping I’d make it before you shut closed for the night. I kind of lost track of time and forgot I had to get my STI screenings done, and I’ve got a big shoot riding on it. But, Dr. Johnson, was telling me you guys are closed for the day, so it looks like I’m shit outta luck. I’ll come back another day.” 

“No!” Castiel blurts out. Dean and Hannah both stare, seemingly taken aback by the sudden outburst. Castiel is shocked at himself. Maybe it’s the defeat in Dean’s voice that has him acting so irrational. “I—um—don’t mind seeing you. I mean, you’re here and I’m here so there’s no sense in turning you away.” 

“Shit? Really?” Dean asks, a weird mixture of surprise and relief dancing in his eyes. 

“Yes. It shouldn’t take long.” 

“Are you positive, Castiel?” Hannah inquires, as if reminding Castiel that she’s still here. 

“I’ll be fine, Hannah. I’ll take care of this and lock up,” Castiel answers. Secretly, he somewhat wishes she’d stay only so he’d less of a chance of making a complete ass of himself, but it’s selfish. 

“Alright, thank you. I’ll see you next week. Goodnight, Castiel.” Hannah is out the door before Castiel can even consider changing his mind. He’s painfully aware that it’s just him and Dean. 

“Are you sure this ain’t, uh, too awkward, Cas? I mean we’re friends and all, and I don’t wanna make this weird or anything,” Dean asks, scratching the back of his neck, he seems anxious now, and he won’t meet Castiel’s eyes. 

“It’s fine, Dean. We won’t need to do anything invasive. It shouldn’t take long.” 

“Alright. So, uh, where do ya need me, Doctor Novak?” Dean asks, interrupting the brief lull of silence. Castiel swallows and mentally counts to three to ignore the obvious innuendo.  

“Umm, right this way. I’ll take you in an exam room.” Castiel speed-walks past Dean and opens the door to the first exam room he comes to. He switches on the light and prays that there are supplies in the usual place easy to find place still. He’s not sure he has the mental fortitude to go searching for them, especially when Dean is here and watching him so carefully. 

“Seriously, Cas, thanks. I owe ya.” 

Castiel turns to Dean who’s seated on the exam table and offers what he prays looks likes a smile. “It’s no problem . I always say I’ll see patients up until the lights are off. Besides, you said you a job riding on this?” 

Castiel hopes his attempts at small talk aren’t as awkward as they sound in his head. He’s been told by many people, family, friends, and foe alike, that his small-talk is terrible. It’s another reason he’s shocked that he’s a doctor, much less one that deals with patients directly. 

“Yeah. Got a call about a new shoot coming up, and Crowley and Gabriel are both real sticklers when it comes to our tests being done. Crowley wants all tests done within a certain time frame of the shoot and I—uh—kinda let it slip from my mind. Today was the last day to get them done or I’ll be dropped.” 

Castiel pulls out the  supplies out, but continues to listen intently to Dean who as usual is a fountain of information whether asked or not. “Well, I’m hoping that this will clear you for your shoot.” 

Castiel knows he probably should chart in the database, but he also really hates booting it up for just one patient. He figures he’ll just record everything tomorrow and opts for one of the old paper chart forms. 

“Yeah, well, it’s all thanks to you of you, Cas. You’re the best, seriously.” 

Castiel turns away quickly, trying to hide the blush that’s no doubt painting his cheeks. 

“So, I’ll just need to go through the usual questions. Just answer them truthfully.” 

Castiel goes down his list of questions when giving an STI exam and Dean answers them all with that usual charm and gusto he always has. 

They’re on the last few questions when Castiel puts on his gloves to do the tests. 

“Alright, I’m going to take a blood sample for the HIV test.” Castiel prepares Dean’s finger with the alcohol pad and sticks Dean, and Dean doesn’t even wince. He just keeps grinning as Castiel gives him the gauze to cover the stick site. “Can you tell me how many sexual partners have you had in the last three weeks or since you’re last appointment?” 

Dean laughs. “Geez, Cas. That’s a hard question for the guy that does porn.” Castiel chuckles, but tries to hide his face. “You have a nice smile, Cas. You know that? Shouldn’t try to hide it.” Now Castiel really tries to hide his expression from Dean, hiding his shock at the sudden compliment by focusing on getting Dean’s blood sample in the solution. Dean seems to realize what he’s said and coughs. “But, uh, yeah, sorry. Sexual partners, right? Well, professionally, I’ve filmed with, uh, three girls and four guys. Outside of work? Only one. Guy was kind of a douche too. Oh, and to answer your next question, I’ve done the whole shebang. Oral, anal, vaginal, and all that stuff you have ask me, but, uh, used a condom every time.”

“I appreciate the detailed answer,” Castiel replies with a laugh. “Also that’s regrettable to hear. About the douchebag date. Not the other stuff. Unless you’re not a fan of that either.” Castiel wants to hit himself. He’s going to need a strong drink when he gets home to get over the embarrassment of this. 

If Dean takes any offense to what he said, he masks it behind a boisterous laugh. “Pretty sure I’d be out of job in porn if I wasn’t enjoying it.” 

Castiel nods, and tries not to think about the small sting of jealousy he gets at the men and women in his mind who all have had a chance to experience Dean in ways he never will. 

“Okay, well, I think we’re almost done. As usual, we’ll just wait for the results of your HIV test. And then I’ll run through the other tests as well and you should be good to go. You’re welcome to make yourself comfortable.” 

Dean smiles and shrugs off his jacket before standing up and undoing his belt buckles. “You know, Cas. I’m pretty sure I filmed a series of videos that started out like this. Guy in the doctor’s office and then the doctor walks away all shy. Guy wasn’t nearly as good looking as you though.” 

Somehow of all the comments that have been tossed back and forth between them in the short amount of time that Dean’s been here, that’s the one that makes Castiel’s entire body seize up. Dean looks almost like the words surprised him too. Maybe the ground can swallow them both up. 

“I… um… I’ll be right back.” 

Castiel can’t be anymore embarrassed than he already is. He doesn’t bother to try and hide the speedy retreat he makes from Dean before escaping to his office. Once there he devolves into a deep, heavy breathing. 

Was Dean Winchester… flirting with him? Surely, that’s not what was happening. Dean Winchester, probably the hottest guy Castiel has ever laid eyes on, couldn’t have been flirting with him.

Castiel swallows. He definitely can’t wait for this to be over.  

 

**~***~**

Castiel doesn’t bother to turn the lights on when he stumbles into his house, mind all over the place. A combination of the long day at work and the bizarre encounter with Dean in the clinic has him feeling exhausted. He’s not sure what to make of Dean’s flirting with him. Was it real? Was it teasing? 

He shrugs off his clothes, not bothering to change into his pajamas or even brush his teeth before he crawls into his bed. Tomorrow he can relax all day and not think about a single thing. The alarm clock on his nightstand reads a little bit past nine, but he feels like it may midnight. He debates trying to sleep, but every time he closes his eyes he sees Dean. 

He sees that freckled face and bright smile that makes him blush and turn away like a middle schooler with a crush. When he thinks about the way Dean looked at him back in the clinic he feels like he’s all the way back in high school, lying in the backseat of Dean’s impala half-naked and sweaty after having gone two or three rounds of sex. He feels himself getting hard from just the thought as he crawls into bed. He wants to close his eyes and drift off to sleep, but all he can think of is Dean.

He has never had much need for porn. He keeps a handful of his old favorite videos to do the trick when he needs to jerk off. But that was before he knew that  _ Dean _ was a porn star. And on top of that, Dean is a porn star that has a habit of looking at Castiel as if Castiel is a snack he wants to devour. He wonders if Dean ever looks at his co-stars like that. There’s a strong, sudden urge to look up Dean’s videos now. 

In his brain, he knows it’s crossing some sort of line. He’s seen Dean naked of course, but that’s when they were teenagers. Looking up Dean’s videos now would be so wrong. Right?

The haze in his brain gets thicker and thinking about Dean has him growing harder. He looks at the nightstand and sees his laptop. He hardly uses it, but he swallows as he reaches over for it and boots it up. He ignores the voice in his head that tells him to turn back as he goes to his usual favorite porn site. He swallows as he types in Dean Smith and watches the webpage load up a slew of videos that all center on Dean. Each one shows Dean in a different but tantalizing position and Castiel feels his cock beginning to peek from beneath the elastic band of his boxers. 

He can’t decide which one to click on, each one sounding dirtier than the last. Something about the video titled  _ “Poolboy Lawrence Smith Fucks Couple”  _ seems to entice him finally. The thumbnail image of the video shows Dean with a man fucking him from behind while Dean’s face is buried in a woman’s pussy. Castiel has only dated men, with a slight passing interest in women, but the video that just draws him to it. 

He opens the drawer and pulls out the lube he keeps there and clicks on the video. The video loads and at first it’s just some scenery on the screen. He rolls his eyes when the house comes into view recognizing it immediately as Gabriel’s house. While waiting for the porn to get started he spreads some lube on his hand and coats his cock, giving it a few experimental pulls but stopping short of truly jerking off. 

Dean appears on the screen, and Castiel gasps as his cock gives an enthusiastic twitch. It looks like this was filmed a few years ago as Dean looks a bit younger, probably no older than twenty-six or seven, but still every bit as handsome then as he is now. Castiel feels his cock thicken as a shirtless Dean pretends to fish leaves out of an already clean pool. He watches a bit longer as the woman watches hungrily. Castiel’s too lost on Dean to care too much about them. He doesn’t focus again until it cuts to Dean with the couple on a couch in the living room. Lilith’s blouse is pulled down, exposing her breasts and pert, dusky pink nipples. Her skirt is hiked up revealing her pussy that’s pink and glistening with saliva as Ezekiel laps at it early. Dean’s watching, jeans unbuttoned and jerking his cock slowly. 

Castiel jerks his own cock faster, taking in the whole scene, but focused mostly on Dean as he jerks himself. Castiel imagines they’re almost jerking off in time, and he can see Dean’s breathing obviously increasing as he’s jerking himself off faster in the video. 

Castiel has no shame as he skips ahead to the point where Dean is sandwiched between the couple. Dean’s going to town on Lilith’s pussy, lapping and tonguing at it while Ezekiel shoves his cock into Lilith’s mouth. Castiel slows his own strokes down. He feeling like he could come from this scene alone, but he wants to savor it. 

Before long the video cuts away to Lilith lying back on the couch while Dean fucks into her, holding her legs up as he angles his cock to get deeper inside her. Lilith moans around Ezekiel’s cock but continues bobbing up and down on it, saliva sliding down it. 

All three of them are a sight, but Castiel has moved beyond feeling guilty at focusing on just Dean. Even in the video Castiel can see Dean’s green eyes are glossed over as he thrusts his hips, the sounds of skin slapping as his cock slides in and out of her. Castiel’s hand is moving faster now and droplets of precome coat his hand and he smears it on his cock. 

He doesn’t need to skip ahead instead letting the video cut away again to all three of them squeezing on the couch. Dean is now on the end, his cock sliding in and out of Ezekiel’s hole while Ezekiel is fucking Lilith, her pussy wet as she moans. Dean mutters filthy encouragements to them both, instructing Ezekiel fuck her pussy harder.  

Castiel’s eyes close and his mind Lilith and Ezekiel are gone and all he sees is himself and Dean. He jerks his cock faster, imagining that he’s the one Dean’s cock is slamming into. He almost remembers what it feels like to feel so full of Dean’s cock, the way Dean could angle it just right that it would have his body writhing in indescribable pleasure. 

“Fuck, Dean,” he moans. 

He loses his rhythm, jerking himself with short, quick motions while his cock aches for release. The moaning from the computer, specifically, the familiar moans that he knows are Dean’s fill his ears. With a ragged breath Castiel curls forward, jerking himself of furiously until he’s coming, a spurt of come hitting his chest. 

He milks himself through the rest of his orgasm, panting the entire time as come coats the fist wrapped around his now softening cock. His eyelids are heavier now and he barely registers that the video is still playing. He laments that he’s come already because he won’t get to enjoy the part where Dean’s the one sandwiched in the middle. 

As the high of orgasm fades, and the lust-filled haze in his brain clears he about panics as he immediately closes the browser. The last thing he sees before panic sets in is Dean moaning into Lilith’s pussy as he fucked from behind. 

He shuts his laptop immediately when realization of what he just did sets in he lays back with a defeated sigh. He reaches out to his nightstand where he thankfully keeps a box of Kleenex and wipes himself down as best he can. He’ll worry about the rest of the mess in the morning. 

He really did this. 

He broke his own restraint and jerked off to Dean’s porn. On the surface, disappointment that he couldn’t hold firm fills him. But underneath there’s a hunger. Memories of their old high school days flood his brain and the desire to have Dean like that again is very present. 

His not equipped to handle these emotions right now. He settles for mentally corralling all these confusing thoughts into a mental box he’ll open later. He shuts his eyes, letting the exhaustion wash over him, with the knowledge that he’s got a lot to figure out in regards to Dean Winchester.


	5. Chapter 5

The bar is loud as Castiel finds his seat opposite. Dean nods at him quickly, before returning his attention to the football game playing on the small TV mounted up in the corner near the bar. It’s been a while since he can recall coming out to bar, much less with someone that wasn’t Meg, Balthazar, or Gabriel. Even then, they usually have to force him out to come out. 

Dean and Castiel found themselves hanging out almost every time after Castiel finishes up the free STI testing at the school. If Dean wasn’t there helping, he usually walks in right after Castiel finishes packing up. 

First it was just Biggerson’s after the clinic, but then Dean was inviting him out to try some new build-your-own pizza place that just opened. In the last few weeks alone, Castiel had probably gone out more with Dean than he had in the last year before opening the clinic. 

The fact that he’s here on Thursday when he’s got work the next day is a surprise even to himself.

“Damn, touchdown,” Dean grumbles before drinking down his frustration with a swig of beer. 

“I’m assuming it’s NFL football?” Castiel comments, grinning as Dean slides a beer towards him. 

“Yeah. You watch?”

Castiel shakes his head while taking a swig of his beer. “Unfortunately not. My brothers watch it, but I could never get into it. I will leave it on the TV if I need some background noise on a Sunday.”

Dean grins and nods. “Makes sense. You’re missin’ out though. Nothing like a good ol’ Sunday afternoon sittin’ back watchin’ the game with friends, a few beers and pork rinds.” Dean takes another swig and sighs loudly. “You know, if you’re ever interested in learning, you should come over to my place sometimes. Benny and I get a few of the crew at the studio together to watch, you know, as long as we’re not filming or anything.” 

Castiel smiles at the offer. “I’ll definitely consider it. I doubt I’d be much fun though.” Castiel’s not sure why his curiosity piques at the mention of Benny, but it does, especially as he recalls the man from the other night at Gabriel’s house the night of the party. “Benny was at the party a few weeks ago?” 

“Yeah,” Dean nods. “He started with the studio around the same time I did. We hit it off on set and the rest is history. Consider him one of my best friends, now.” 

Castiel hums and nods. “Pardon me for asking, but do you two… film on set together then?” 

Dean chuckles. “No need to be embarrassed, Cas. I don’t mind questions about the job, y’know.” 

“Apologies,” Castiel says. 

Dean shrugs. “Ain’t a big deal. But, uh, to your question, yeah, sometimes Benny and I film together. It’s not often and we try to stay out of each other’s ways, but sometimes we can’t avoid it. Honestly, it’s pretty easy to separate work and personal life. On set, sure we’re fucking each other, but once the camera’s off it’s kinda like nothing happened.” 

It starts to make sense in Castiel’s head after he thinks it over for a moment, at least when he tries to put himself in Dean’s shoes. Even back in high school Dean had a way keeping sex casual. Castiel could even remember his exes being on good terms with Dean after the relationships finished. Castiel had even accepted the on and off booty calls with no issue at all, even if he had wanted something more. 

“That makes sense. It’s just a job for you,” Castiel says. He’s not sure if he’s just saying it because of it he’s in some weird way trying to convince himself that all the gorgeous people he gets to sleep with is just that, a job. 

“Yeah, exactly. I mean, it’s kind of weird I guess. My job is to have sex with people on camera. And hey, hot people and great sex is awesome. But when the cameras are off, it’s good to just be Dean Winchester and not Dean Smith.” 

Castiel smiles and nods, washing down the strange feeling with beer. It doesn’t stop him from asking the question that’s been sitting on his brain. “Have you ever dated your filming partners before?” 

Dean splutters and spits his beer out on the table, and even in the dim bar light Castiel can see a faint blush creeping onto Dean’s cheeks. 

“Asking the hard questions, huh?” Dean quips, grinning despite the slight stutter in his voice. Castiel can sense the discomfort in Dean’s body language, but before Castiel opens his mouth to apologize and change the topic, Dean speaks first, cutting him off. “I’ve, uh, dated a few people in the business. Studio doesn’t have a rule against it. Sometimes they kinda encourage it. You can net a lot more views if you’re filming with your boyfriend or girlfriend. My last few relationships were actually with people on set.” 

“Oh.” Castiel suddenly feels bad when he sees the way Dean’s expression changes. “Sorry, this probably wasn’t what you wanted to talk about when you invited me out.” 

Dean takes another drink of his beer and grins after he sets the empty bottle back on the table. “Hey, we’re reconnecting right? This is just part of it.” Dean laughs, but there’s something different about it. It’s not the beaming smile that he’s been reacquainted with. “After my last relationship, I realized that dating in the business probably ain’t for me. It’s fun, and, uh, most everyone’s really adventurous which is great and all, but I need a break.” 

_ A break.  _ There’s something about that which worries Castiel. 

“I can see that. It would be like me dating another doctor I work with. It’s okay in retrospect but usually leads to disaster in long run.” 

Dean snorts. “Something like that. What about you? You seeing anyone right now?” 

Castiel blinks and thinks for a moment. It’s a simple question, yet Castiel struggles to get the words out. 

“Not at the moment.” 

“So… if I wanted to make a move, I could then?” Dean laughs. Though Dean finds it amusing if his smirk is any indication, Castiel feels like his heart has stopped beating. The way Dean says it is clearly joking, but still there’s a part of him that feels like there’s a hint of truth to Dean’s words, he hopes it isn’t just hope on his behalf. “Hey, I’m just yanking your chain, Cas,” Dean adds. 

“Right,” Castiel agrees, trying to bring himself back down to Earth. He puts on a smile in hopes that Dean didn’t catch the deer-in-the-headlights expression he knew he had. “I knew that.” 

“Seriously, though. What’s stopping you? I mean, you’re good looking, and you’re a doctor. I mean, you’re quite the prize.” Castiel can feel the blush in his cheeks rising again at Dean’s compliment. The feelings it brings up too leave him feeling perplexed. 

“I just haven’t had time. With opening the clinic and trying to grow the business, I’ve just been too busy.” He leaves out the workaholic tendencies that ruined his last few relationships. Working at his last practice and being on-call had consumed all his time. Now that he was working at own clinic he was finally adjusting to working on his own schedule. 

“Gotta take some time for yourself though, Cas. You put yourself out there you’d have all the ladies and dudes barking up your tree.” 

Castiel snorts and grins. “Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”  

Before their conversation can continue on, the bartender Castiel recognizes handing him his beer only a few moments ago walks his way over their table. He sets a beer down in front of Dean. 

“On the house from the guy over there.” The guy nods his head behind him and Castiel can’t help but look over. There’s only one guy sitting at the bar. He’s not unattractive by any means, but Castiel can practically feel the douchebag vibes radiating off him. “Guy told me to tell you something, but I’m, uh, not going to bother repeating it cause I’m sure you already know the type, Dean,” the bartender explains. The way he talks to Dean is familiar, but more noticeable is Dean’s mood shift. The jovial smile is replaced with a flat, almost irritable expression. 

“Yeah, I can already guess. Thanks for lookin’ out, Donnie,” Dean replies as he accepts the beer. “Mind grabbing Cas another too?” 

The bartender, or Donnie as he knows him now, grins and nods. “Sure thing, Dean.” Donnie moves away, returning behind the bar. When Cas turns his attention back to Dean he sees Dean shake his head a little, before taking a drink. 

“What was that about?” Castiel asks. 

Dean shrugs. “Part of the territory I guess. People recognize me when I’m in public sometimes and, uh, they’re not exactly shy about it. They buy me a drink here or there in hopes that maybe I’ll put out for ‘em. They only see me as Dean Smith the porn star who fucks everyone.” 

There’s an indignant rage that isn’t truly fair to have begins to burn inside Castiel. He feels his fingers twitch though in response. 

“Dean, that’s horrible. You’re so much more than that. Those people can fuck off,” he growls. 

Dean looks shocked by Castiel’s sudden outburst, but the momentary shock and wide green eyes are swiftly replaced with a boisterous laugh. Donnie returns with the beer and sets it down before escaping without a word. 

“Wasn’t expecting that, but damn,” Dean says as he comes down from his laughing spree. 

“I’m… sorry. That just irritates me. You don’t deserve to be objectified like that.” 

“Don’t worry, Cas. My job is to be objectified and get people off. Does It bother me? Yeah, sometimes. But, no one has ever tried anything stupid, and hey, free beer.” 

“True,” Castiel says, grinning now, happy that  Dean seems to have moved past his own irritation. He decides to move on too, and change the subject. “You must come here often, the bartender knows you well.” 

“Funny enough, I don’t actually. There’s another bar I used to hit up a lot, but I got tired of the all the recognition. Donnie, the guy you just saw, was the one who suggested this place.” 

“Oh, so you know Donnie then?” 

“Course I do. He works down at the studio, too.” 

“Oh.” Castiel shouldn’t sound as surprised and maybe disappointed as he does at that, and he shouldn’t be as bothered by the look Dean shoots him. “I didn’t realize that. Is he an actor?” 

“He’s been in a few films, yeah. I broke him in, actually,” Dean chuckles, taking a drink from his fresh beer. “He usually helps out with behind the scenes stuff. Sucks cause he’s pretty good and always a good partner to film with.” 

Dean’s words have him feeling… inadequate. It’s a feeling Castiel isn’t accustomed to. When he looks back he sees Donnie and he’s hit with that feeling again as he looks the man over. Donnie has the next-door neighbor look to him as he smiles, dimples showing as he hands someone their drink. Then suddenly, Castiel is reminded that Dean gets to film with people like Donnie almost every day. 

“You alright?” Dean asks, breaking through the fog that’s settled in Castiel’s mind. 

“Oh, umm, yes. I was just… thinking.” 

“You sure?”

Castiel puts on another grin and nods. “I’m positive. It was just a long day at the office and I’m a little tired.” 

“Oh, well, shit. If you were tired you didn’t have to come, Cas. I totally would’ve understood.” There’s a sense of urgency in Dean’s words. Worry lines are furrowed in his brow and he’s giving Castiel an almost motherly look, not unlike a worried spouse or boyfriend.

“It’s fine, Dean. I’ll just head home, if that’s okay?” 

“Course. You don’t need me to drive you home do you?” Dean’s offer is sincere, and Castiel almost feels guilty for lying to him. 

“No, I’m fine. I promise.” He gets up from the table and Dean follows his every move, concern in his eyes. 

“Alright, well, uh, hey, I know I said this earlier, but some of the guys are coming over to my place to watch the Cowboys game on Sunday. You’re welcome to join.”

The offer to spend time with Dean is tempting, more tempting than anything else, there’s that feeling of inadequacy that swells inside him. The guys are probably going to be men Dean’s filmed and worked with and as much as he’s sure the guys are nice, there’s a part of Castiel that doesn’t want to run the risk of not fitting in with them. 

“Thank you. I’ll think about it.” 

Dean smiles and Castiel doesn’t try to analyze it to see if Dean already knows that Castiel doesn’t mean it. 

“Sounds good. See ya ‘round, Cas.” 

Castiel nods. “Good night, Dean.” He hightails it out of the bar and finds his car quickly. When he slides into his car he doesn’t stop himself from banging his head down on the steering wheel. He tries hard not to think about this being the second time he’s run out on Dean to avoid embarrassment, but it’s hard not to. Sure, Dean was probably joking about wanting to make a move on him, but that joke alone brought Castiel back to that anxious seventeen year old who practically melted any time Dean was around. 

He sighs as he starts his car and prays that whatever these confusing feelings are that sit inside become clearer.

 

**~***~**

If there’s one thing Castiel truly despises it’s shopping. Clothes, cars, jewelry. He hates having to shop for all of it. Coming from a large family with money, his brothers had inherited the shopping bug, none more so than  Gabriel. 

“C’mon, Cassie! Pick up the pace!” Gabriel yells. Even with his trunk full of shopping bags piled high with clothes that Castiel knows Gabriel won’t need, Gabriel shows no sign of stopping. He moves down to the next store, Gabriel all but forcibly dragging Castiel too. 

Castiel hasn’t officially forgiven Gabriel for embarrassing him, but he didn’t have the energy to kick him out, especially when Gabriel showed up at his front door with an apology cake and a pitiful, sad puppy dog face. He figured two weeks without talking to him was probably punishment enough. Still, his hopes for a quiet weekend had been dashed. 

“Don’t you have enough clothes?” Castiel questions, huffing his displeasure. The early afternoon heat beats down on him as he steps from underneath a shop awning.

“New year means a new wardrobe, baby bro. And relax, I’ve only got a couple more stores to go. And we’re getting to spend some quality time together since you decided to avoid me.” Castiel sighs. At least Gabriel’s honest about why he’d dragged him along. Gabriel stops in front of what looks to be a high-end men’s boutique, and Castiel can see the glint of amusement in Gabriel’s gaze. 

“Oooh, let’s go in here!” Gabriel’s disappeared into the store before Castiel even has time to register the name of the store. Castiel slowly follows behind and locates Gabriel, who’s already sifting through a rack of tacky colored and patterned shirts. As he looks around he finds it difficult to stifle the look of utter disgust at the outrageous inventory the store carries. 

“You think mom would be upset if I showed up wearing this?” Gabriel asks as he holds up a hideous lilac colored shirt with equally hideous flower patterns on it. 

“I don’t think you’d even be allowed on the plane wearing that,” Castiel shoots back. 

Gabriel looks down at the shirt and shrugs. “All the more reason to buy it.” Castiel rolls his eyes. He should’ve been prepared for that. If you say go left, Gabriel would be hard-pressed not to go right just for the hell of it. “Speaking of, have you booked your flight yet?” he adds. 

“I’m… undecided if I’m going.” 

“You can say that all you want, bucko, but we all know you’re going,” Gabriel says, continuing to shift through the rack of shirts. 

“I can’t just drop everything and return home just because she wants us to, I have a clinic to run, and the hospital needs me.” 

Gabriel rolls his eyes and chuckles. “We all have better things to do, chucklehead. I run a major candy business, Michael is too busy having a stick up his ass all day in court, and Luci is knee-deep in scamming people out of money in hedge funds. But we all know that when dear, old mom calls, we have to go.” 

“Be that as it may, I don’t see a reason to go. My time would be better spent here,” Castiel argues. 

Gabriel studies him with a look that Castiel knows means he doesn’t believe a word he’s saying. Mentally, he preps himself for Gabriel’s counter argument he knows is coming his way. 

“What’s really going on, baby bro?”

“Nothing, Gabriel.” 

Gabriel hums, unconvinced. “That’s not what your tone and body language is telling me. Looks to me like you don’t want to go for another reason. Is it that you’re afraid mom is gonna pester you about finding a suitable husband again?” 

“That’s… that’s not it.” 

“A-ha. It definitely is. You don’t want mom or anyone in your beeswax about dating. You know, she’ll probably invite Inias again so you two can reconnect.” 

Castiel shudders at the thought. He and Inias were acquaintances in high school and kept in touch a bit during college, but friends were all that they had ever been. His family came from money just like Castiel’s though, which is how his mother kept in touch with him. When Castiel came out to his mother, she wasn’t particularly thrilled, but had moved past that in favour of trying to find a suitable gay man for him to date — which had taken the form of Inias. Given that he was an investment banker, he ranked high on his mother’s list of suitable men. 

“I’m not going to entertain her attempting to play matchmaker for me again. She may have succeeded with Michael, but it’s not going to work on me,” Castiel argues. 

“Of course it won’t. You’ve only got eyes for Dean-O now, right?” 

Shock isn’t a strong enough word to describe the feeling he experiences when Gabriel mentions Dean’s name. 

“That’s not… that’s not true,” he stutters. 

Gabriel snorts, clearly amused as he turns his attention back to the rack of problem pattern shirts. “Baby bro, you’re about as inconspicuous as a strip club in Vegas.”

“What do you mean?” Castiel answers, feigning dumb. He won’t willingly admit to his crush on Dean. Gabriel will have to work for it. 

“Oh c’mon. I saw how you and Dean were making eyes at each other at my party, and then you two mysterious disappeared to my bedroom.” 

“After you embarrassed me in front of Dean and all those people!” Castiel interjects. 

“That’s beside the point. The point is, you’ve still got that puppy dog crush on Dean-O. Good news for you is Dean’s still got the hots for you it seems.” 

Castiel ignores the flutter in his chest when Gabriel mentions Dean might still be attracted to him. Though Dean hasn’t exactly been subtle, it’s hard for Castiel not to chalk it up to Dean just being naturally flirtatious. 

“Really?” 

“You think I’d  lie to you?” Castiel levels a look at Gabriel and it’s met with a strong eye roll from his brother. “Ignore that question. Yes, Dean-O has the hots for you. I’ve been hearing around the studio more and more that Dean’s been cutting out after scenes to go hang out with an  _ old friend _ . I wonder who that could be?” 

Castiel sighs. “He said old friend. That doesn’t mean anything, Gabriel.” 

“Geez, you’re dense. Dean doesn’t just hang out with anyone, dum-dum. If there’s one thing about Dean, he’s a man of many acquaintances, but doesn’t have that many friends.” 

“He seemed popular at the party,” Castiel says, as he follows his brother to another rack of clothes. “Well of course. Dean Smith is an extremely popular guy. Dean Winchester, is a whole different story. Dean-O hangs out with people here and there, but the only real friends I know he’s got are Benny, Victor, Aaron, and his brother. If he’s spending time with you outside of work, than you’re pretty special, Cassie.” 

As much as he wants to believe Gabriel’s words, he can’t quite bring himself to. After all, friends can hang out too. 

“Oh don’t look like that,” Gabriel admonishes, pulling him from his thoughts. “Listen, you and Dean-O weren’t friends, Cassie. You two were fuckbuddies.” Castiel immediately shushes in a panic at Gabriel’s vulgar language in public, but Gabriel doesn’t seem to care. “Look, if Dean’s spending time with you, then he’s probably doing it because he wants to be around you.” 

“That’s…” 

“Ingenious, right? I know,” Gabriel cuts in, looking so assured and proud of himself. “Listen, stay out of your head and maybe it’ll be Dean you’re be bringing to visit mom next time.” 

Castiel’s lucky he was neither eating nor drinking, as it is he spits out saliva his eyes going wide and his mouth falling open. 

“I think that might cause her to have a heart attack.” 

“Nah. She’d love it! C’mon! Invite him, Cassie. Mom’ll love to see Dean again.” 

“I don’t think she’ll even remember who Dean was.” 

“Good point,” Gabriel concedes. Their mother and father both were all about status. If they weren’t a member of the country club or other high society organizations his parents were members of then, she no doubt had no clue who they or their children were. “Still, I’m dying to see the look on mom’s face when Dean-O tells her he works in adult entertainment. Mikey might have a fit too which is even more fun!” 

“And guess who will have to pay the price for it?” Castiel quips. 

“Oh pish-posh. They’ll throw a fit and then you’ll move back across the country again and they’ll forget all about it.” 

Castiel sighs. “I’ll consider it.” He hopes the tone in his voice conveys to his brother the high unlikelihood that it will happen. It’s not that he doesn’t want to invite Dean as much as it is he doesn’t want to subject Dean to the judgmental ways of his mother and oldest siblings. 

“Good. Also, change of plans. My stomach is growling so I think we should skip the rest of the stores, and grab lunch.” Gabriel doesn’t leave any room for Castiel to object, and he’s already halfway out the store before Castiel can say anything about the change in plans. 

He follows his brother out of the store, almost running to catch up with Gabriel who’s already bouncing down the strip. 

“Can you slow down?” Castiel grumbles. 

“Sorry, Cassie. When the stomach calls, I can’t help myself.” With the hot California sun beating down on them, Castiel feels like he could almost melt into the sidewalk, but he’s thankful the plaza full of restaurants is right ahead. “Alright, so what are you thinking? Mexican? Chinese? Pizza?” 

“I don’t know. I hear the burgers here are pretty kick ass,” a familiar voice interjects before Castiel can answer. Castiel’s head snaps in the direction of the voice and his eyes land on Dean who’s seated at a table outside, under the cover of an umbrella situated at the table. 

“Dean-O!” Gabriel shouts. “Well, I’ll be damned. What’re you doing out here?” 

Dean chuckles and shrugs. “Sammy’s idea. He whined about doing something different, so he dragged me here for lunch.” 

As if on cue, Castiel sees the tall and unmistakable figure belonging to a, much older, Sam Winchester walk up to the table before dropping the tray of food and staring dumbfounded when he and Castiel connect gazes. 

“Castiel?” Sam says dumbfounded. 

“Hello, Sam,” Castiel greets back. 

Sam beams and Castiel can’t help but grin back at Dean’s younger, but much taller brother. “How the hell are you? It’s been, what, like ten years since I last saw you?” 

“That sounds about right,” Castiel laughs. “I’ve been well. I opened a clinic here in town recently. I’m still getting used to the area.”

“Yeah, Dean was telling me you’d moved to the area. That’s awesome.” Castiel can’t help but feel a strange twinge of elation that Sam seems so excited to see him. Castiel had actually run into Sam more than Dean during their school years. Sam was intelligent enough that he’d made the debate team and Matheletes his freshman year in high school which was how he and Castiel had come to know one another. He wasn’t sure if Sam had known of his and Dean’s arrangement back in high school.

Castiel looks to Gabriel who seems to be pouting which Castiel has to stifle a laugh. 

“Where’s the excitement to see me,” Gabriel whines. 

Sam rolls his eyes. “I see you enough, Gabriel.” 

“Still! You make Cassie feel all special. A guy gets jealous.” Castiel doesn’t miss the way Gabriel throws his best puppy dog eyes at Sam, which — is his brother flirting with Sam Winchester? 

Dean snorts, but looks up to Castiel and grins. “So, what brings you round these parts?” 

Castiel sighs. “Gabriel pestered me into leaving the house today and going shopping. Now we’re looking for a place to eat.” 

“Ahh. Well, you’re welcome to join us,” Dean offers. 

Castiel feels a familiar pit return to his stomach. If Gabriel was bad enough at his party, he can’t imagine how much worse he would be now, especially now Gabriel knows he’s not over his feelings for Dean. 

“We wouldn’t want to intrude on your time with your brother.”

“Nah. Sammy and I spend way more time together than I want to,” Dean teases, eliciting a glare from his younger brother. “Seriously, you guys should join us.” 

“Seriously, you should join us. I’d love to catch up.” Castiel can’t find it in him to say no, especially when he sees the earnest look in Sam’s face. Sam will be a dangerous attorney with a face like that. It would be a powerful tool to sue with the judge and jury. 

“Let’s do it, Cassie!” Gabriel decides for them, grabbing his arm and tugging him along. “We’ll be right back!” Gabriel calls out, before he pulls Castiel into the restaurant with him. 

“You can let go of me,” Castiel moans as he snatches his arm free from his brother. 

“Course I did. You had that look in your eyes like you wanted to say no, and I had to stop you. I’m not missing out on watching you awkwardly flirt with Dean-O.” 

Castiel wants to argue with him, but Gabriel isn’t wrong. He didn’t want to avoid Dean, but at the same time he thought he would have some more time to figure out what it is he wants from this new… whatever this thing is between him and Dean. 

“Don’t pretend this is about me. I saw the look you were giving Sam Winchester.” 

If he’s expecting Gabriel to be shocked or embarrassed by the observation he would be sorely disappointed. Gabriel seems almost proud when Castiel points it out. 

“Listen here, baby bro. Sam Winchester is a tall drink of water. I am not ashamed to admit that given the chance I would climb him like a tree. So yes, you’re not going to ruin my afternoon chance to to ogle that six foot plus piece of meat. Now, go keep them company while I get us something to eat.” 

“But—” 

“No buts! Go keep our boys entertained.” 

Castiel sighs. He wants to correct Gabriel on the word ‘our’ but he knows better than to argue with Gabriel, especially when he gets an idea in his head. He makes his way out to the patio area where Dean and Sam are eating. 

“There he is,” Dean announces with a mouthful, grinning as he swallows it down. 

“Hello,” Castiel greets, as he takes a seat in between the brothers. He doesn’t know what to focus on more, the salivating scent of their burgers or Dean’s laser-focused stare. The way the sun hits Dean’s face makes the golden flakes in Dean’s green eyes shine even more. 

“Where’s Gabriel?” Sam asks. 

“Inside, ordering for us.” 

“You trust him to order you food?” Dean teases. “Better hope he doesn’t end up ordering you the entire dessert menu instead of actual food.” 

“That’s sadly a real possibility,” Castiel half-smiles before shaking his head. “He was intent on ensuring that I kept you two company. He seems to have something of a crush on Sam.” Castiel figures sufficient payback is revealing Gabriel’s crush on Sam Winchester, which judging by the amused look on Dean’s face and the tiny blush on Sam’s isn’t exactly news to them. 

“See! Told you Gabriel had the hots for you, Sammy,” Dean laughs. “Been telling Sam that Gabriel’s had the hots for him since they met a couple of years ago,” he adds turning to Castiel. 

“Dean, can we not?” Sam interjects. 

Dean snorts, amused. “What? It’s funny. Gabriel’s usually all about the dimwitted beef-cakes or the girls with boobs almost as big as his head. Never thought he’d be interested in the health-nut, future attorney types.” 

Sam groans, and Castiel finds himself smiling at the playful ribbing between the brothers. Castiel watches as Dean piles a handful of fries into his mouth. He should probably be grossed out by that, but he’s not. Sam, taking the opportunity of Dean’s mouthful of food, turns to Castiel, drawing his attention.

“So, Cas, what made you move all the way out here?” 

Both Winchester brothers watch him with earnest even though Dean’s both already asked this question before 

“I needed a change. I was working a lot of shifts at my previous organization and it was wearing me out. Plus, I was a little too close to my family for comfort.” 

“Michael and Lucas, right?” Sam asks. Castiel nods, and notes the discomfort in Sam’s expression. “Is it okay to say that Lucas used to creep me out?” 

Castiel chuckles. “You wouldn’t be the first to say that, and you certainly won’t be the last.” 

Sam grins. “So, you just decided to pack up and move out here on your own? Or did Gabriel bring you out here?” 

Castiel shrugs. “Gabriel helped spur the decision, but my friend Balthazar helped me get a job out here. After a few months, though, I started to feel like I did in my old job. So I decided to step out on my own and open my own clinic.” 

“Wow, that’s neat.” 

“I assure you, it’s anything but neat, Sam. Running my own clinic is… tiring to say the least. If it weren’t for my nurse, Meg, I’d probably lose my mind.”

“Nah, I think you’d do fine. But, really, Cas, it’s cool to have you out here. Dean’s been talking non-stop about you being back. I’d been begging him to call me up when you two hangout but he always seems to forget.” 

Sam turns an accusatory glance at Dean, and Castiel watches Dean throw his hands up defiantly. “Hey, you’re the one who signed up to go to law school, I don’t wanna distract you from your lofty goals.” 

“I can take a break for a few nights to hang out, Dean.” 

“Yeah, sure you can, Mr. I’ve-got-to-get-straight-As-all-the-time.” Sam rolls his eyes, and Dean turns his grinning face towards Castiel who can’t help but throw an inquisitive look back at him. 

“So, you’ve been talking about me non-stop?” Castiel inquires. 

“Oh, well, I—uh—know you and Sammy were big nerd buddies back in the day so I was just catching him up on how you’ve been doing.” Dean’s starting to blush again, and it’s hard for Castiel not to stare in awe at it. Not to wish it was his. 

“Well Dean-O here talks about you non-stop at the studio,” Gabriel adds as he walks up to the table, a tray filled with two wrapped burgers and a large tray of odd-looking french fries in his hands. Of course, next to all of that is a large milkshake for Gabriel, Castiel didn’t even know they made milkshakes that large. “It’s kinda cute how he manages to find a way to talk about you all the time.” 

“You wanna keep your mouth shut, Gabriel?” Dean barks. 

Gabriel smirks as he pops a few of the french fries into his mouth. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’ve got a big, fat crush on my baby bro.” 

Castiel waits for Dean to deny it, but he doesn’t, instead playing it off, rolling his eyes before taking a bite of his burger. It’s not an outward denial though, which Castiel can’t consider right now. He’s still reeling from the conversation in the bar the other night. 

“Enough about you two not-lovebirds,” Gabriel digresses. Castiel watches as Gabriel sets his eyes on Sam and bats his eyelids, in some weird Gabriel attempt at flirtation. “Sam, how’s law school?” 

Sam grimaces and slowly backs away as Gabriel leans in and he tunes out Gabriel, sighing and shaking his head as he reaches over and takes the food he assumes is for him. He realizes that Dean is watching him, his expression unreadable. Castiel offers a sympathetic smile, which Dean returns. 

“Your brother’s a dick,” Dean mutters to him. 

Castiel chuckles around a bite of his burger. “I know.” 

Castiel chooses not to suppress the overwhelming thought that Dean still hasn’t denied that he has a crush on him. He realizes that this is no longer a situation he is equipped to handle, and he’s going to need some expert help. It certainly won’t come from  his brother, who seems determined to kill him in one way or another.


	6. Chapter 6

“So, you’re head over heels for this guy already?” Balthazar immediately starts in.

Castiel rolls his eyes as he contemplates eating another piece of bread. It was Balthazar’s idea for them to go to brunch when Castiel called him needing his advice even though Castiel had been hoping this could have been resolved in a quick ten-minute phone call. When he complained about it, Balthazar simply chalked it up to being gay. _‘All gays like brunch, Cassie. It’s just what we do’._

“I’m not head over heels for him, Balthazar. We’re just hanging out and I’m trying to sort out how I feel about him.”

“But you said that Gabriel and Meg both seem to think you’ve got the hots for him.” 

Castiel sighs and nods his head slightly. “Gabriel won’t leave me alone about it. He keeps offering to put me in one of his porn shoots with Dean, so we can, in his words, _copulate_ our feelings out.” Balthazar snickers at that and Castiel starts wondering if talking to Balthazar, who’s every bit as sex-crazed as Gabriel is, is a good idea. “Meg on the other hand just gives me that look like she knows.”

“Alright, then. So, all your best friends in the whole wide world think you’re madly in love with Dean, but now what about you? Do you want to be more than friends with him?”

Castiel sighs and decides to take a bite of bread if only to buy him some time to respond. His mind has been moving non-stop since he and Dean had lunch, and the question of what he wants in regard to Dean is something he still doesn’t have an answer for.

“I see that look in your eyes, Cassie. You do wanna bang him.” Balthazar’s cocky smile makes Castiel regret deciding to even come. Add the fact that they are sitting outside in the sunlight which is beating down on Castiel, and he’s even more miserable now.  questions.

“I… don’t know. Right now, we’re just friends.”

Balthazar sips his cup of coffee, crossing one leg over the other. “You can say it all you want, Cassie, but it doesn’t make it any more believable. I mean from what you’ve said, he’s specifically asked you about ever wanting to date him back in high school, and he even joked about making a move on you, who is currently single need I remind you. And clearly you two are still hanging out, right?”

“Of course. We’re reconnecting, and I enjoy his company. And...” he stops when he realizes what he’s saying, and more importantly what he’s feeling. There’s a lightness in his chest when he thinks about Dean. It’s completely and totally a feeling that would describe a high school crush of the past, yet here he is with the same feeling almost twelve years later.

Balthazar scoffs and rolls his eyes harder than even Castiel could manage. “God help us,” Balthazar huffs. “Cassie, how long have we known each other?”

The question catches him off-guard, but he can remember it still, the first time he met Balthazar during their day of medical school. It was an odd friendship then, Balthazar the loud, cassanova-esque soon-to-be cardiologist, and Castiel the quiet, anti-social family doctor, but somehow their friendship, and one time relationship, grew from the first group project and has been going on ever since.

Still, he knows Balthazar too well, and somehow this is all going to lead to some ridiculous point he’s trying to make.

“Eight years now.”

“And in those eight years, have I not both dated you, had sex with you, and watched you both flirt with and date other people?”

Castiel hurriedly looks around to ensure that no one is paying them attention and is thankful that no one seems to be even remotely looking in their direction. He’s still only a moment from slamming his head down on the table but thinks better of it and sighs.

“Yes.”

“So, wouldn’t it be possible that I’m well equipped to know when you want to bang someone into the next year?”

“What’s your point, Balthazar?”

“I think I’ve just made it, Cassie. You’re catching up with the same guy who stole your heart and your v-card in high school, and now you and he are hanging out again years later and you’re acting just the same. That sounds to me like you want to bang him again.”

Balthazar levels a daring look at him. One that practically screams, ‘I dare you to deny it again’.

“Fine,” Castiel huffs. “Maybe I do want more with Dean.”

Balthazar doesn’t seem convinced, that same long still painting his expression. “But,” he says expectantly.

“Maybe I’m just reading too much into this. Dean’s always been flirtatious, and this could just be him teasing and having a good time.”

“Have you seen him flirt with anyone else?” Balthazar quickly follows.

Castiel thinks for a moment, but then he realizes that most of the time he’s with Dean it’s just them.

“No. I haven’t, it’s just the two of us usually.”

“Mhm. Well, Cassie, fro the looks of it, you’ve got the boys undivided attention. Are you sure you’re not overthinking this because the man’s a porn star?”

Castiel isn’t sure why he snaps his head up so quickly, but Balthazar’s question fuels some type of disgust inside him that he’s sure where it came from.

“Absolutely not! I would never judge his career choice.” In his time of being a doctor, especially a family medicine doctor and working at the STI clinic, Castiel had seen people from all walks of life and he learned very early on to never judge. In fact, the thought of someone judging Dean just for being a porn star instill some type of anger in him.

Balthazar seems amused by Castiel’s anger judging by the smile spreading across his lips.

“So, it’s obviously not the porn star part. So, what is it that’s got you so conflicted then?”

Castiel sighs and lets his shoulders sink. “I’m not sure… maybe it’s the… unresolved feelings from so long ago.”

“I’m guessing you got no closure?”

“You could say that.”

Castiel nods. Thinking back to the sudden loss of Dean in his life reminds him that the years of yearning were still scarred into his memory. It was senior year and Dean was fresh of his breakup with Cassie Robinson, though Castiel had no doubt they’d get back together, it was Dean’s longest relationship outside of Lisa. When he’d told Dean he was going to college soon, he remembers that Dean had congratulated him and after they’d hooked up in the back of his Impala, Dean had dropped him off and that was it.

Castiel had texted him a couple of times before the summer was over and even a few times when he came back for fall or winter break, but Dean never texted back. He eventually took the hint and stopped trying, stopped hoping that maybe there was a future for him and Dean. That is of course until he’d waltzed right back into his life now. 

“My advice. Stop while you’re behind.”

Castiel snaps his head up to Balthazar, but Balthazar’s expression isn’t serious or amused like before. He’s just that strange level of doctor calm that Castiel knows all too well.

“Why would I stop?”

“Because, you’re unsure of your feelings for him. Until you can decide that the current you, Dr. Castiel James Novak, the sexy but oblivious family medicine doctor wants to pursue something with Dean, and not Castiel Novak the nerdy Mathlete team captain with unresolved feelings for his fuckbuddy, then you need to steer clear of him.”

Balthazar wasn’t wrong, and as much as it pains Castiel to admit it, Balthazar hardly ever is. Even in the brief time they had dated, part of the reason they didn’t work and never would is because Castiel hated how well Balthazar could read him.

“What should I do? He doesn’t seem like he wants to stop hanging out anytime soon. Maybe we can just hang out and I can make it more obvious I’m not interested in a relationship with him right now? I can be friends with him, right?”

“Cassie, Cassie, Cassie. I’m telling you this as your best friend, but no you can’t. You think too much. It’s why you’re a family medicine doctor. That mind of your is always moving, trying to figure something out and make it better even when you don’t have to. You keep hanging out with Dean and you’re going to overthink the whole, damn thing and ruin your chances with him.”

Castiel groans and wishes everything would be easy. He’s never been one to wish for the ability to read emotions. Emotions, especially in his line of work, sometimes complicate things. But, more than ever he just wishes he could dive into Dean’s mind and figure out if he’s crazy to think that maybe there’s more to this than just wanting to hang out.

“Maybe you’re right. But I can’t just avoid him.”

Baltahzar sits back and folds his arms. “Of course you can. You’re a doctor and doctor’s are always busy.”

Castiel finds the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Maybe Balthazar is right. He needs to distance himself from Dean as much as he can until he can get his own mind together. If not, he’s positive Balthazar is right and he’ll ruin this.

But how in the world can he say no to Dean, and even worse, how can he can shut off the part of his brain that wants nothing more than to be next to Dean?

 

**~***~**

Castiel stretches as rays of sunlight peek through his blinds and hit his face. Castiel yawns and grabs his phone off the nightstand and reads noon on it through half-lidded eyes. While he’d normally be appalled to sleep so late, he’s just excited that it’s Sunday and he doesn’t have to worry about work or any other responsibilities. Gabriel hasn’t bothered him to be social either.

As he crawls out of bed he debates simply curling up on the couch with a book while letting some music play on the ridiculously oversized stereo system that Gabriel had bought him as a housewarming gift, despite Castiel’s protests against needing it.

He languidly pulls himself out of the bed and slinks into the kitchen, charting a direct path to the coffee maker before getting a pot brewing.

It’s been a long couple of weeks working, and surprisingly, he’s managed to get ahead in his work. The clinic’s started picking up a slew of new patients, enough that he considers possibly hiring another nurse, though he knows it’s going to be a nightmare finding someone that Meg approves of.

But with that also comes avoiding Dean. Dean had texted him a few times asking to hang out and Castiel, reflecting on Balthazar’s advice, had been able to casually turn down Dean’s offers with the excuse that he’s drowning in work, which wasn’t a lie. It’s just the fact that he would have no qualms dropping his work to spend an hour or two with Dean if he could.

The problem though is that the time away from Dean has done little to actually help him sort out his feelings about Dean. Focusing on nothing but work simply allowed him to push his feelings about Dean into a dark closet in his mind. But as he’s standing here it feels like the closet could burst open any second.

He feels his phone buzz in his hand though providing yet another distraction as the thoughts start to creep up again. When he looks down at his phone and sees the text message, he realizes this wasn’t a distraction but rather an unwarranted reminder.

  **Dean** : **_You busy today? Got a lot on my mind and could use a friend to hang out with for a bit._**

Logically, he knows he should make himself unavailable in order to follow through with Balthazar’s plan. He’s not sure if this whole, make sense of my feelings for Dean thing is even working or not, but he knows for sure that if he caves in now all that work could be for naught.

On the other hand, Dean has never sent him a text message like this and he would be an awful friend if he didn’t at least hear Dean out if he’s having a hard time right now. Besides, there’s no harm in texting Dean back to see what’s wrong.

**_Castiel: I’m not. Is something wrong?_ **

He sees the three little dots almost immediately after he sends his response and can feel the anxiety building as he waits for Dean’s response to him.

**_Dean: Nah. Just figured you’d be free to hang for a bit. Wanna meet at this place for coffee? It’s on me. Place makes a badass cup of coffee_ **

Castiel already senses a war between his heart and his brain brewing. Balthazar’s words still sit in the back of his mind and everything screams don’t go. But in his heart, he knows he feels and knows he should. Dean’s his friend, and friends support each other. Besides, there’s no harm in just going for a walk, right? 

**_Castiel: That sounds doable. Give me time to get ready?_ **

**_Dean: Sounds good._ **

Dean follows up the last text message with the address of the restaurant and, surprisingly, in all the time that Dean and Castiel have been hanging out, he never really registered that Dean only lives about twenty or so minutes away. He knows the place Dean wants to meet him at well enough and he quickly and quietly laments the loss of his quiet afternoon before dragging himself off to the shower.

All while he’s getting ready his mind is buzzing with the various things that Dean could have on his mind. Is it about him? He feels vain thinking it could be about him, but he can’t help it. When he steps out of the shower and towels himself off he takes a few deep breaths to try and quiet his brain. For all he knows, Dean could just be having a bad day and he’s once again overthinking this.

As he throws on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before he makes his way out to his Prius. He sits inside his car for a minute, mentally giving himself one last chance to back out of this. Maybe it is a bad idea. Maybe he should just tell Dean he’s not feeling well and completely back away.

Ignoring the myriad of scenarios playing in his brain, he presses the automatic start button and his car jumps to life. To his surprise, traffic is light, enough that he reaches the park a lot sooner than he expected, or wanted for that matter.

The sky is grey as he steps out of the car, and he’s not sure if that means rain or just an overcast day, but he prays it’s not rain since he’s got no umbrella or rain coat. He looks for Dean’s impala in the parking lot outside the coffee shop but doesn’t find it anywhere. He begins to wonder if Dean simply walked there.

He debates going inside, and right when he makes the decision to just sit and wait inside and takes his first few steps towards the door he sees Dean emerge, two large cups of coffee in hand. Dean’s in probably the least number of layers he’s seen him in before, a grey t-shirt and jeans almost like him. Castiel could stare all day and if he didn’t force himself to blink he probably would.

Dean sees him and Castiel shouldn’t be stupefied every time Dean smiles in his direction, but he can’t help it, especially when Dean’s got a perfect amount of stubble just like he likes it.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean greets.

“Hello, Dean.”

They stand there for a moment before Dean hands Castiel one of the cups. It’s hot the touch but the aroma is fragrant and Castiel has to stop himself from wrapping his lips around the lid lest he burn his entire mouth.

“Sorry, it’s, uh, kind of a madhouse in there and I couldn’t find a place for us to sit so I got it to go. Hope you don’t mind,” Dean says.

Castiel smiles, but focuses instead on Dean and his demeanor. Dean’s smile is bright, but years of being a doctor and having to infer things from people’s body language lets Castiel see the slouch in his posture and way his eyes are just a tad bit sadder than usual. Or, Castiel hopes that it’s because of his practice being a doctor that he knows this and not because he’s been that focused on Dean.

“It’s fine, Dean,” Castiel replies, offering a warm smile. “Any ideas where we can go then?” 

Dean scratches the back of his head with his free hand and Castiel can sense he’s anxious. “Well, uh, I know this may sound kinda crazy, but my place is just down the block from here. We could go there,” Dean suggests.

Of course, this would happen. It shouldn’t be a big deal that he would go to Dean’s house. After all, it’s what friends do. But with Dean, it feels like another line being crossed that he’s not sure if he’s ready for. Still he nods his head in agreement.

“Awesome. So, uh, we can just walk there. You can leave your car here. They don’t tow or anything.”

Castiel shrugs and locks his car before motioning at Dean. “Lead the way.”

“Cool.” Dean grins and starts off down the block with Castiel following behind him. They walk in silence for a few minutes, letting the sounds of cars, pedestrians, and music from the nearby shops fill the void. Castiel takes a few sips of his coffee after it’s cooled down and it’s every bit as delicious but Castiel can’t help the curiosity of why Dean called him out here, and why he still looks like he’s carrying some heavy baggage. 

“Sorry about calling you all the way out here just to get coffee. I know you’ve been busy.”

The apology takes him by surprise, but Castiel shakes his head. “It’s fine, Dean. It’s why friends are for. You seem bothered though. What’s wrong, if I may ask?”

Dean turns to him and Castiel realizes that somehow, he’d gone from trailing behind Dean to walking side by side.

“Just had a shit night last night and, uh, I know you’re busy, but Sam’s studying for a couple of tests and Charlie’s hanging out with her girlfriend, Gilda, so I figured I try again to see if you were free. Kinda lucked out that you were.”

“What about your friends at the studio like Benny?”

Dean shrugs nonchalant at the question. “Guess, I just need some space from the biz. Love Benny to death and all but sometimes all we have to talk about is work and I’m just not feeling it right now.”

“That makes sense,” Castiel agrees. They pass a crosswalk right before walking into a familiar set of brick apartment buildings that he passes every day on his way to work. He thought nothing of these apartments, but now he knows he can’t think of them any differently now that he knows Dean lives here. They’re definitely much nicer than any of the apartments he lived in during medical school and his residency and he wonders just how much Dean is making in porn. “So, I take it that something happened at work?” Castiel further inquires as he follows Dean up the stairs to one of the buildings.

Dean sighs as they stop outside the door to what Castiel assumes is Dean’s apartment and watches as Dean fiddles with his pocket to pull out his keys before unlocking and opening the door. “Yeah. Just had a shitty run in with an asshole at the studio.”

Dean steps inside and Castiel follows him inside and he isn’t sure what he expected Dean’s apartment to look like, but for some reason he feels like an asshole. In some respect, he probably does have a stigma of what the apartment of a porn star would look like, but Dean’s apartment defies that every thought.

Dean sets his coffee down on the kitchen counter before rummaging through his pantry for something. Castiel distracts himself by taking in Dean’s apartment. It’s got a very rustic appeal with light wooden furniture from his coffee table to his tv stand filling the apartment. He finds himself drawn to the bookshelf in the corner of the living room. The shelves are filled with an eclectic mix of books from sci-fi, to thrillers, to a few books on sex education. The ones on sex education are the ones he’s most drawn too. Castiel grabs one and opens it up,  finding the pages worn and marked in several places no doubt by Dean.

The door to the fridge shuts and Castiel turns back around to see a bottle of beer replacing the coffee cup.

“You bought coffee, but now you’re drinking a beer?” He can’t help but sound concern. It’s probably the doctor in him.

“It’s five o’clock somewhere, right?” Dean pops the cap off his beer and takes a swig before joining Castiel by the bookshelf. “That was a gift from, Sam,” he says looking down at the worn book. “When I told him about maybe going back to school he bought me like a ten of these books as a motivation tool or something.”

“Have you done anything about going back to school yet?”

Dean shrugs. “Not really. Been too busy.”

“That’s not an excuse, Dean,” Castiel chides

Dean snorts. “Geez. If I wanted some to ride me this hard, I would’ve signed up for todays’s shoot.”

Castiel smiles as he desperately tries not to focus on the mental image that Dean practically forced into his brain. “I want the best for you, Dean. That’s all.”

“Sammy says the same damn thing, y’know that.” Dean collapses back onto the couch just behind him before taking another swig of beer. “I’m good, Cas. I’d love to leave porn to do like sex therapy or something but— I just ain’t crazy about dropping everything right now.”

It’s obvious to him that Dean is still bothered or distraught by something. He’s rigid even as he’s seated on the couch and his resting face is irritable, just verging on outright angry. Castiel sighs closes the book in his hand and returns it to its spot on the shelf.

“You can talk about whatever it is that’s bothering you, Dean,” Castiel reminds as he joins Dean on the couch.

Dean doesn’t look at him and opts to take another long drink of his beer, but Castiel just watches him. There is hardly any space between them, and Castiel is conscious of that, but he wants to be a friend and listen to Dean and ignores the red alert going off in his brain.

Dean relents finally and drops his beer on the table hard and exhales an aggressive breath.

“I really didn’t wanna bother you with this, Cas, and—look, I’m not a… talk your feelings out kinda guy, but God, I’ve been so fuckin’ pissed off since last night.” Castiel can hear all the emotions now. There’s anger, confusion, and hurt in Dean’s tone, all culminating in the long sigh that falls from his mouth.

“Dean, I’m hear to listen.” Castiel plays a dangerous game, but he lets his hand rest on Dean’s thigh.

“It’s really nothing, Cas. I just… kinda not feeling the studio right now.”

“You’re not planning to leave the studio, are you?” Castiel asks, almost immediately alarmed.

He doesn’t actually expect the shrug that Dean gives him, and he knows that it must be serious of Dean’s willing to even entertain the idea of leaving the studio.

“I don’t know. After yesterday, it’s crossed my mind a few times.”

Castiel raises a concerned eyebrow and the question of just what happened sits heavy in his gut.

“What happened, Dean?”

Dean mumbles something unintelligible before kicking his feet up on the coffee table. “I signed up to shoot a big film series for the studio that I was really excited for, and we were supposed to run through the script yesterday, but then at the last minute they swapped directors and this fucking asshole I hate got placed as the director.”

“Who is he?” Castiel asks as if he would have any idea who that might be.

“Fuckin’ dick named Alistair. He’s a fuckin’ sadist I swear. He’s one of those assholes that doesn’t believe in condoms or treating the actors like fuckin’ people.”

“He sounds highly unpleasant.”

Dean snorts. “That ain’t even the half of it. He’s filmed some really dark shit in the past. Enough that it got him blacklisted from the AVN awards. A couple of years ago they finally kicked him out of the business for a while after enough actors came forward and refused to film with him. Not before I had the—displeasure—of having to film one of his fucking videos.”

“Dean,” Castiel consoles as his eyes widen in surprise.

Dean shrugs. “It wasn’t anything too bad. It was probably only a year or so when I first got into the business. He was directing one of my earlier films and uh, he coerced me into doing bareback.”

“Dean, that’s awful!”

“Look it’s in the past, but I never forgot. The bastard gets into your head. Says things that never leave you. Told me if I didn’t do bareback with this video, I’d never work again. Our dad hadn’t been died more than a few months and Sammy was about to start junior year with the biggest class load he’d ever had. I did what I had to do.”

The bile in Castiel’s stomach rises. His fists are clenched tight, enough that he fears he might break skin if he clenches them even more. Working as a doctor in family medicine and in free clinics for so long, he’s seen a fair amount of people in abusive relationships with men and women who sound similar to this Alistair and he feels sad and indescribably angry that Dean was victim to them too.

“Please tell me you punched him.”

Dean chuckles in that derisive amusement. “Nah. God knows I wish I had, but I didn’t have a chance to. I got an offer to move to Casa Erotica not long after that, and took it as quickly as it came. A few months later, Alistair got the boot.”

It’s a small relief, but Castiel still wished Dean had a chance to do more. “So, how did he manage to get into your studio? He sounds like he should be in prison, not directing human beings.” Castiel notes the own distaste and disgust growing in his own voice before Dean’s even told him what’s went wrong, and he chalks it up to his own natural distaste of people.

Dean huffs as he leans back into the couch. “Crowley, the sonuvabitch, invited him. Didn’t even bother telling anybody he was doing it either.” Castiel feels validated now by the general, and immediate dislike he got talking to Crowley. At least he has a reason for the feeling now. “Crowley’s a dick, but I never wanted to punch him as badly as I had yesterday.”

“What happened?” Castiel says, using a calmer tone as he senses Dean getting more irate.

“The second Alistair walked in I told Crowley I wasn’t doing it. He and I argued in front of everyone for a solid five minutes, but that piece of shit Alistair was just sitting their grinning like a fucking homicide maniac. Smug bastard probably got off watching us argue or something. Crowley was actually going to keep him over me.” Dean stops and takes a deep breath, probably sensing how emotional he was clearly getting about the situation again. “Alistair and I then got into. He told me that if I didn’t do Crowley threatened to suspend me for being out of line and I told him to go fuck himself and walked out.”

Dean looks so defeated. His eyes are downtrodden and there’s a fear in his eyes now.

“Dean, you did the right thing. There’s no reason that monster should be allowed anywhere near you, much less a studio of people. He sounds like a monster.”

“Yeah, well, here’s hoping they kick his ass to the curb. I checked in with Benny today cause he was there, and he said Crowley and Gabriel are going at it. Gabriel might not be as hands on with the business since he’s got his other business, but he’s not definitely crazy about Alistair anywhere near the studio.”

“If I need to persuade him to ensure this Alistair is gone, then I have no problems doing that,” Castiel assures.

Dean smiles at him, probably the brightest smile he’s had since Castiel met him today. “Thanks, Cas. I mean it. I’ve been kinda freaking out about this whole thing for a while.”

“Why? You’re one of the most talented actors they have.” He nearly stutters ver his words when Dean pins him with puzzled look, one that says ‘how would you know?’. “Gabriel, he—umm—never fails to mention how good you are,” he quickly adds.

Dean laughs and it shouldn’t warm Castiel as much as it does, but he can still see scant traces of frustration in his eyes. “Does he? Guess, I don’t mind hanging that over his head now. But, seriously, thanks. I guess I’m just kinda paranoid now.”

“Why is that?” Castiel questions with a raised eyebrow.

Dean shrugs. “The industry ain’t the same as it used to be, Cas. Everyone’s on the lookout for the next newest thing. I’m what… thirty-two now, and honestly, that’s about the time porn stars either start pulling out all the stops to save their careers or they retire and do something else. Guys my age who want to stick around in porn will do bareback or just about anything the director asks for a shoot. And thing is, I ain’t one of those guys.”

Castiel swallows. There’s so many things he wants to say to Dean, but he’s not sure what if anything is appropriate to say to him. He then does something he never does, and probably will regret doing. He ignores his brain. All the thoughts of what to say go flying out of the window and he focus solely on Dean.

“Dean, you have nothing to worry about. You’re an intelligent individual, and whatever you choose to do, you’ll be successful at it. Porn isn’t the only thing you’re capable of doing. You’re reading educational books to be a sex therapist. You’re more than a man who has sex on camera. You put your brother through college and grad school all while making a name for yourself. If you stay with Casa Erotica, they’ll be lucky to have you.”

Dean stares at him, wide-eyed and speechless. His green eyes are glossy and sparkling with either tears or surprise.

“Jesus, Cas,” Dean whispers.

Suddenly, Castiel is realizing just how close he and Dean’s faces are. He can feel Dean’s breath on his face and smell the caramel and beer on Dean’s breath that mixes in an odd, but not entirely unpleasant scent. Castiel looks at Dean’s lips, plump and red, lips he’s seen wrapped around a man’s cock and buried in a woman’s pussy on video. They’re lips that look too irresistible to him in this moment when he’s sitting on Dean’s couch, in Dean’s apartment, in Dean’s space.

Dean inches closer and Castiel doesn’t dare close his eyes when Dean’s lips as on his in a gentle kiss, Dean’s lips softer than Castiel could’ve imagined. It’s anything unlike the kiss he was expecting. Where he’s expecting Dean’s kiss to be rough and filthy, which he would gladly take as well, he’s pleasantly surprised when it’s a kiss so tender and hesitant, he’d expect it out of romance movie.

When Dean pulls away Castiel can registers Dean… blushing. There’s a hesitant fear in his expression, like he’s done something wrong, but everything in Castiel’s body, especially his now hard cock in his pants says he’s done everything right. Castiel can already feel his brain shutting down. The panicked no’s that are ringing in his brain are getting more and more silent.

“Cas, I, uh, shit,” Dean stammers. “Look, I, I’m sorry, but I’ve wanted to do that for a fucking long time now. And…” Dean stops, scanning Castiel in a way that has Castiel shivering. There’s hunger in those green eyes and Castiel is hardly stopping himself from ripping all his clothes off right here and now. Castiel swallows when Dean leans forward again, slower this time, if that’s even possible. “If you don’t want this, stop me, Cas.”

Castiel doesn’t and Dean’s lips are on his again, but now there’s a bit of the roughness that Castiel is expecting. He can feel how badly Dean wants this, his lips are rough on his now, his tongue slipping into Castiel’s mouth and Castiel lets it. _Fuck._ He’ll let Dean do whatever he wants.

And Dean does just that. Dean plants his hands firmly on Castiel’s waist, his fingers inching so close to his ass, but Castiel is too overwhelmed by Dean kissing him deep and dirty now. He can feel Dean hard in those sweatpants now against his jeans. It gives him a rush thinking he’s making Dean hard again. Just like all those years ago. It’s definitely an ego boost.

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean growls. “The things I’ve wanted to do to you since I saw you in gym back then.” Dean pulls at Castiel’s t-shirt and Castiel adjusts so that Dean can pull it over his head and off. Dean discards it before manhandling Castiel down on the couch. Castiel feels a shiver on anticipation feeling so exposed like this, even if it’s just his shirt. He doesn’t get to feel the exposure so long before Dean’s lips are on his neck, kissing that tender spot in the space between his ear and jaw.

Castiel inhales sharply, his body going tight as Dean kisses his way back down Castiel’s jaw.

Dean laughs. “All these years and I still remember what makes you tick.”

Castiel tries to think of something to say, but when Dean’s kissing down his chest, sucking on his nipples already hard from the sheer anticipation, he loses all semblance of rational thought. He does register Dean’s hand fumbling at his belt, opening it before he turns his attention his button and zipper. Castiel swallows as Dean succeeds, his jeans falling open and his erection freed from the confines of the denim.

Dean’s eyes are glossy and he licks his lips. “Help me out here, Cas.”

Castiel lifts up as Dean tugs at his jeans, pulling them down along with his boxers and freeing his cock from it’s confines.

“Fuck, you’re still hung too. You’re gonna be the death of me.”

Castiel chuckles, but his laugh is cut short as a warm heat envelopes his cock which he sees is Dean’s mouth. Castiel feels his toes curl, the sensation in his cock mixed with the delirious shock that this is actually happening sends a spark through his body. Dean grips the base of his cock and the on-set of his orgasm vanishes which Castiel is thankful, especially when he feels Dean lick up the length of his cock, even licking in the slit when he reaches the head.

Castiel can’t stop his body from practically convulsing as Dean slowly engulfs his cock again, working slowly to take the entire length into his mouth again. All the while Dean’s hands splay across his thighs, touching every inch of it and fondling his balls as he works his mouth up and down his cock.

Dean pulls off with a pop, his lips coated in saliva, but grinning madly.

“You can touch, you know? Kinda miss you manhandling me while I’m sucking you dick,” Dean laughs, daring to look up at Castiel with the dark, lust-filled expression.

Dean returns his attention to his cock while Castiel works up the courage to let his hands card through Dean’s hair. When he does though it brings back so many pleasant memories. His hands move with a remembered dexterity, fingers sifting through Dean’s hair, grabbing him just hard enough that he can hear that sharp inhale of breath that Dean does. Dean finds a new pattern of sucking him halfway down while working Castiel with his hand. The friction is maddening and Castiel can’t help but guide Dean back down on his cock as Dean comes up.

He wants to come, but he tries so hard to hold it back, but Dean’s too good at this. Obviously he would be with his career as a porn star and all, but being on this side of it again Castiel realizes just _how good_ Dean is at this.

“Dean,” Castiel calls, his voice tight and breathing heavy as he feels his orgasm close.

Dean pulls of his cock with a pop and smiles. “You close?” Dean obviously knows the answer, but Castiel answers with a slight nod and breath as Dean continues to stroke him, slower now. “Jesus, Cas. You should see yourself right now. You look so fucked out already. I don’t know if I want to suck you off and make you come down my throat or all over yourself while I fuck you.”

Dean’s voice is thick with lust and Castiel knows he means every word he says which is why he’s not so embarrassed when he practically whimpers at Dean’s suggestion of him coming on Dean’s cock.

Dean grins, clearly having heard the whimper and the unspoken desire behind it. “So you do want me to fuck you, huh?” Castiel nods, having completely lost any rational thought and only focused on filling the primal need that’s grown inside him. That need for Dean Winchester’s cock inside him. “Let’s stop fucking around and get to the main event then,” Dean says.

Castiel doesn’t want to move, but accepts Dean’s hand pulling him up. Castiel realizes immediately that at some point during the mind-blowing blowjob Dean had pulled of his pants entirely. He can’t remember the last time he’s been that gone just from a blowjob alone. Dean wastes no time and pulls Cas along deeper into his apartment where they end up in Dean’s bedroom.

He barely gets a moment to take in the new surroundings before he finds himself pushed down on the bed square on his back while staring up at Dean who’s lost his own clothes now and is standing stark naked in front of Castiel with a look of carnal hunger that send shivers of anticipation racing up Castiel’s body.

“Fuck, Cas. You know how badly I’ve wanted you like this. Never stopped thinking about you on my bed like this again.”

“Then let’s make the most of this moment now,” Castiel counters. Castiel sees a bottle of lube already sitting on the nightstand, and he can only imagine what things Dean was doing that it’s just sitting right out like that. He doesn’t think before he reaches for it, but that’s all he can do before he’s pinned down by Dean who straddles him on all fours.

“Impatient aren’t you?” Castiel responds by simply handing him the bottle of lube which Dean takes. It’s only a moment before Dean has a finger lubed up and, with a that same familiar dexterity, Castiel quickly shifts his legs into a position for Dean to stretch him open.

Dean leans down and kisses Castiel hard, and Castiel can feel the a finger probing around his rim. Castiel hums into Dean’s mouth as Dean slowly pushes one of fingers in. Castiel feels his body seize up with the intrusion, a whirlwind of sensations hitting his body at once. It’s been a while since he’s been with someone like this. Add the fact that it’s Dean of all people and he already feels like he could explode. Dean is gentle but eager, finger stretching him open wider while Dean hungrily devours his mouth. All Castiel can do is make another needy noise into Dean’s mouth when Dean works another finger inside him, slowly pushing them in and out for a bit until Castiel can’t stop his body from desperately trying to work those fingers inside him deeper. He’s more than stretch open now. Now, he’s just eager and greedy from something bigger.

“Lemme grab a condom,” Dean mutters in Castiel’s. Castiel was unable to respond with words, only sighs heavily as Dean reaches over to grab a condom from the box of Trojans buried inside it. Dean rolls the condom on with a quickness, adding just a bit more lube before he discards the bottle and empty wrapper to some place on the floor. Castiel works himself into a better position and with Dean’s guidance he finds one leg wrapped around Dean’s waist and another hanging in the air until Dean supports it with his elbow as he fits himself in between Castiel’s legs.

“Fuck me,” he breathes out.

“That’s the plan,” Dean laughs pushed in. Casitel feels the air in his body leave him in one rush as Dean pushes the head of his cock through the first ring of muscle him slowly while Castiel pants hard and desperate. The stretch burns, but it feels so great, so right. Whether it’s because it’s Dean he’s not sure, but he doesn’t want it to stop. Dean, with the practiced precision that Castiel can only assume comes with being a porn star, bottoms out, and Castiel rewards him with a noise somewhere between a moan and a whimper that he can’t recall ever having made before.

Castiel grabs at Dean’s blanket as Dean starts to fuck him with long, slow motions. The noises Dean makes are so familiar, yet so foreign. It’s not the over-exaggerated sounds Dean probably makes in porn, it’s just deeper, gruffer versions of the sounds he remembers from back in high school when Dean would fuck him senseless in the back of his Impala.

“You good, Cas? Talk to me,” Dean begs as he fucks into him harder now.

“I’m good. Just keep going,” Castiel manages to get out in between heavy breaths.

Dean leans in again kissing down Castiel’s neck. Castiel feels his like his whole body is on fire, especially when Dean pins his arms down, using them as some sort of leverage to fuck into Castiel even deeper. In some ways, Castiel feels like he’s cheating Dean. Dean’s fucking him with such fervor and sucking marks into his neck that will probably be there for days and Castiel is just getting to sit back and enjoy it all. He’s getting to experience sex with the real Dean Winchester, not Dean Smith, without having to do a damn thing. That’s a great, fucking deal.

“Fuck, Cas. Should’ve fucked in your front of the mirror so you could see yourself like this,” Dean growls.

Castiel feels his cock throbbing, almost harder than he can stand. The pain skirts that fine edge between pleasure and pain, and he wonders if he could come without even having to touch himself. Simply come by Dean fucking into him so primally.

“Touch yourself, Cas. I wanna see you come on my cock.”

Castiel can’t help but oblige every filthy command that comes out of Dean’s mouth and he lets one hand find it’s place on his cock giving it a few slow tugs. He’s so close, but he doesn’t want it to end. Still, it’s hard for him to not match the rhythm of Dean’s thick cock filling him, and quickly he’s jerking off so fast he’s scared me might almost get burn marks. 

“Dean,” Castiel pants.

Dean grins devilishly. “That’s it, Cas. Come for me. Come on yourself.” Dean’s thrusts are erratic and forceful now, the sound of skin slapping against skin now almost as loud as Castiel’s panting.

With a few more thrusts though, Castiel lets out an embarrassingly loud groan as he comes, spurt after spurt of coating his stomach while Dean fucks him through it. Castiel is so sex-delirious that he doesn’t register Dean fucking him rapidly a few times before he pulls out of Castiel completely and discard the condom. The moment Castiel really starts to come to he sees Dean jerking off right above him before another splash of warmth hits his stomach and chest.

That’s definitely going to be jerk-off material for later. The thought of his and Dean’s come making a messy combination on his chest is something he’d never think he’d find hot, but he apparently does. Dean collapses on the bed next to him, his chest rising and falling almost in unison with Castiel’s. They lay like that for a while, Castiel content to listen to Dean’s breaths while the post-sex haze starts to clear.

“Jesus, fuck, that was great,” Dean says beside him. “Best sex I’ve had in a while, and that’s saying something.” Dean rolls off the bed and Castiel watches him stumble off into the bedroom adjacent to his bedroom.

He hears the faucet run, but his mind is now supplying its own stream of questions. The biggest being, _what the fuck did you just do?_

The moment after sex is always the worst. Sometimes it’s just Castiel sitting and rating the entire experience on a scale of one to ten. Other times, like this one, it’s Castiel questioning what the hell was he thinking.

Dean hands the damp rag to Castiel before returning to the bed. The rag smells of Dean, that same, fragrant bodywash scent that Castiel attributes to Dean, and as he cleans himself off with it, he feels discomfort growing inside him. In his head, it feels more intimate than it really is.

“You alright?” Dean asks.

“Hmm? No, I’m fine.”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “You sure? You got that pensive look on your face.”

“I do?” he questions, pretending to be more confused despite being well aware of the perplexing thoughts running through his head.

“Yeah. But maybe, I’m just kind of thinking back to the old days when you used to ramble on about things after we both came.”

Castiel chuckles “I can assure you I haven’t rambled after sex in a while.”  

Dean snickers. “Damn. Kinda missed you talking facts after being all sexed out. Maybe next time.”

Castiel pulls himself up and stares directly at Dean the moment the words are out of his mouth. “Next time?”

Dean shrugs and offers one of those familiar cocky smirks. “Yeah, or maybe. I don’t know. I, uh, was hoping that maybe this wouldn’t be the last time we did this. You know… maybe like back in the day.”

“Oh.”

There’s clear distress evident on Dean’s face when the word leaves his mouth, but he’s too focused on the sirens blaring in his own head. There’s an abject fear that comes with the thought of things going back to ‘back in the day’.

Dean chuckles though Castiel can hear the nerves reverberating in his voice. “Is that a good ‘oh’ or a bad one? Cause I’m kinda sweatin’ bullets over here, Cas.”

“I… umm…” The words he wants to say don’t seem to form appropriately in his head, and he’s not sure what he could say to not make this anymore awkward now than it already is. “Are you sure? I mean… are you looking for something serious or something casual?”

Dean seems to ponder the question, but he returns to that same gentle smile that has Castiel feeling guilty for some reason.

“I guess, whatever you want, Cas. I guess, I, uh, wouldn’t mind keeping things as they are. I mean we have a good time hanging out, and, well, the sex is great, or at least I think it is.” Dean sighs, taking a break from his words and letting the fear finally show on his face. “But, to be honest, Cas, I kinda want more. You know seeing where this could go maybe. But I’ll take whatever you’ll give me, Cas.”

There’s no obvious answer that lingers in Castiel’s head, but he feels panic. He doesn’t know how to make sense of the feelings swirling inside him. His stomach feels like it’s being twisted into knots and his brain is foggy.

“I… can I think about it?”

It’s not a good response. In fact, it’s a down-right terrible one. Dean’s hopeful gaze fading into a forced smile is proof of that. Dean swallows and nods.

“Yeah, Cas. Take all the time you need… I’ll, uh, be waiting.”

Castiel nods and forces himself off the bed before scanning the floor for his clothes. The room is dead silent as he puts his clothes back on, but he’s fully dressed and trying hard to avoid Dean’s gaze.

“I… should go,” Castiel announces.

“Yeah, that, uh, sounds good. I’ll see ya, Cas.”

Castiel nods and beats a hasty exit from Dean’s apartment, and falls against the wall when the door closes behind him. He feels no relief when he feels the first breeze of outside air hit his face.

He’s not sure if he’s making the biggest mistake of his life or saving himself from what could be a disaster, but he knows that what’s done is done. He can’t change what he just did with Dean, but he can at least decide that he will spare himself the pain of ruining his friendship with Dean.

He starts away from Dean’s apartment, mind racing and heart moving just as face, hoping that he’s doing the right thing.


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel feels weirdly empty inside. Maybe it’s the curse of getting a small taste of everything you wanted, and then turning your back on it. Inadequacy is the only word that comes to mind when Castiel thinks about why he ran out of Dean’s apartment so quickly after the other night. It might also explain why he’s refused to answer any of Dean’s texts or calls over the last two weeks. 

Each message he gets from Dean sounds more anxious and worried than the last, and it breaks a piece of Castiel when he listens. 

The truth is, he’s terrified. He’s had so many unsuccessful relationships in the past, maybe because he doesn’t know how to be a good boyfriend. Balthazar’s told him he’s married to his work, and he wasn’t wrong. But with Dean, it’s more than that. He’s scared of messing this up. He’s scared of things ending so badly that he doesn’t have Dean in his life anymore. 

So, rather than think about it, he buries himself even further in his work. The patient load is only increasing mostly with help of word-of-mouth from Gabriel, who’s connections both at Casa Erotica and the candy company are helping filter patient after patient to his clinic, and from the Spectrum Alliance who have helped send a healthy number of LGBT identifying patients his way. It’s gotten busy enough that Meg didn’t even put up a fuss when Castiel mentioned hiring another staff member.

He flips through another patient chart, someone who he’s confident is probably suffering from the flu, when his phone starts buzzing incessantly. He prays it’s not Dean, though he’s not sure it’s any better, when he sees Gabriel’s name pop up on the screen. 

He debates answering, but his eyes are getting tired attempting to study the labs, so he bites the bullet and hits answer. 

“Hello, Gabriel.” 

“What did you do?” Gabriel all but screams into the phone, prompting Castiel to wince, as he pulls the phone away. 

“Will you please not yell, Gabriel,” he chastises. “What are you talking about?” 

“I’m talking about you breaking my best porn star!” Castiel doesn’t have to spare a thought to know Gabriel’s talking about Dean. 

“Dean? What’s wrong with him?” he asks, trying to keep his voice neutral. He’s probably more concerned than he wants to reveal to Gabriel. 

“The hell if I know! Why do you think I’m calling you?” 

“Why are you assuming I did something?” Castiel counters. 

“Because, you dum-dum, Dean is moping. He doesn’t mope! He’s off his game, and I had to send him home! This is costing me money, Cassie! You need to fix this.”

Castiel sighs. He really doesn’t need this now. He’s literally been trying to avoid all mention of Dean, and here comes Gabriel ruining that for him. 

“I… I don’t think there’s anything I can do.” 

“Oh, gimme a break. This funk Dean’s in has relationship problems written all over it, and we all know Dean’s had a hard-on for you.” Castiel groans, but Gabriel doesn’t let up. “Listen, Cassie. You  _ are _ gonna fix this. Whatever you did to Dean, you’re gonna make it like it never happened. You like him, he likes you. It should like near impossible to fuck this up but somehow you’ve found a way to do it, so fix it.” 

“Gabriel, this isn’t—” 

Castiel can hear voices in the background, some of them quite agitated if the  sounds Castiel hears on the other end are any indication. 

“Sorry, little bro, business calls. Listen, you make this right or I’m telling mom to invite Inias to visit when we go home.” The line goes dead before Castiel can even get another word out, and he finds himself staring at his phone in disbelief. Then he thinks about Dean. 

Things must be bad if Dean’s off his game so badly that even Gabriel’s noticed. Part of Castiel doesn’t want to think that he’s the reason, but the other part of him  _ knows  _ he’s responsible for this. He left Dean’s apartment and hasn’t answered a single text, nor has he accepted any calls. He abandoned Dean. 

The door to his office opens wide and Meg comes charging in, hair falling all over her face. But even through the loose strands of hair covering her eyes, he can see the irritation in her eyes. 

“Okay, time to get out of your office and get these people out of here too. I need some peace and quiet again, please,” she all but growls as she plops down into one his office chairs, tucking her misplaced hair back behind her ears. “Three of the rooms have, ugh, children in them. One of the  _ little darlings  _ decided that the cabinet full of medical supplies was really a hidden treasure trove of toys.” He’s aware of Meg’s disdain for children, but the sarcasm and vitriol that drips from her words makes him realize just how deep that dislike goes. 

“I’ll be out in a moment,” Castiel dismisses as he tries to turn back to the lab results, but his mind still fully focused on Dean. 

Castiel can feel Meg’s gaze glued to him, and he’s scared of what observation she’ll end up making about him. “You’re distracted. What did you do?”

“Why do you assume I did something?” Castiel asks, trying to play it cool. 

“I just know these things. Plus, you’re hiding in here and reading patient charts and labs. You usually do that at the end of the day, but you’ve been hiding in here until you have to go out and do your job. So, what’s the problem?” 

“I’m fine,” Castiel huffs. 

“You’re lying, Clarence.” 

Castiel rolls his eyes. “You should be working.” 

“Tough. So should you, but here we are, in your office. So, tell me what’s wrong or I will start going down a long and embarrassing list of things I think it could be.” 

“Fine,” Castiel sighs. Meg smirks smug and victorious as she crosses her legs. Castiel almost doesn’t want to tell her, but he knows she’ll make good on her promise. He’d rather not risk the awful things she could say. “I… might have made a mistake with, Dean.” 

“A mistake, you say?”

“Try not to enjoy this,” Castiel moans. 

“I get no enjoyment in watching you be an idiot with your porn star boyfriend,” she says, while obviously trying hide the grin playing at the corner of her lips. “Now, on with the story, Clarence. What did you do to the cute little porn star?” 

Castiel exhales as he tries not to imagine what Dean must look like moping at his job. And all because of what he did possibly. 

“I… sort of ran out on him, and have been avoiding him for the last two weeks?” 

Meg stares at him blankly for a few minutes, only blinking after what feels like an eternity has passed. Castiel can feel himself getting smaller underneath her gaze, especially when her eyes narrow into that ‘you’re a complete idiot gaze’. 

“So, what happened that made you run out on him?” 

Castiel shifts his eyes around, as if searching for a distraction, but he knows full well that there’s no escaping this. Pandora’s box has been opened, so he might as well go with the flow. 

“We sort of… had sex.” 

Meg looks as if her eyeballs are ready to fall out of their sockets. He knew telling her this was a bad idea. 

“Come again. You said you two had sex?” Castiel shushes her, afraid that any of the staff could be listening to them, before nodding his head. Suddenly, the surprise on Meg’s face melts away into something he could only describe as pride, a pride that Castiel doesn’t necessarily want. “You sly dog. So you finally got in Dean Smith’s pants.” 

“It… wasn’t supposed to happen?” 

Meg scoffs. “Oh c’mon, Clarence. You’ve been wanting to bone Dean since the moment you laid eyes on him, and from what I could see the first time at that school fair, the boy has eyes for you too. So, how in the word was it not supposed to happen?” 

“I don’t know. I just… haven’t really sorted out my feelings for Dean.” Meg presses him for more information with the look she pins him with, and he digs deep inside to pull out the feelings he’s been trying to hide. He really regrets that he hired her to be his nurse sometimes. “I don’t know if I’m just trying to relive this childhood crush I’ve had Dean or if these feelings are real. I mean, Dean even mentioned that he doesn’t really do long-term relationships either and I’ve hardly had a successful relationship to my name. This could all be a mistake.” 

“Clarence,” Meg starts, with a heavy eye roll. “You have the opportunity to sleep with one the biggest names in porn, and you’re wasting it because of a stupid high school crush? Are you sure this isn’t because you’re not ashamed to be in love with a porn star?” 

“Of course not!” He’s not sure why he’s getting accused of that again, but Meg doesn’t seem convinced judging by the way she keep her eyes pinned on him. “Dean’s career doesn’t change my opinion of him.” 

“Maybe not yours, but are you sure you’re not subconsciously worried about what all your other doctor friends might say? I mean Dean’s practically a household name in porn. Are you sure you’re not the least bit anxious about what they’ll say? Dr. Castiel Novak is dating a porn star. He must be paying that guy for sex.” 

Castiel swallows. It’s not that he’s embarrassed by what Dean does, but the thought has crossed his mind. But, then again, it’s why he doesn’t go to big high society events for physicians. He prefers to simply do his job, help people, and go home. But, as much as it pains him to admit it, he’s not sure how he and Dean fit together. In some respects, he can’t imagine how Dean would fit into his family, if by some miracle they ever made it that far. 

Castiel shakes his head. As the words came out of his mouth he, for the first time since he had dinner with Dean, finally knows what it is. “I don’t want to just sleep with him, Meg. I can’t do friends with benefits again. I want so much more with someone, with someone like Dean. But, all his relationships have been casual and I can’t do that again, Meg.” 

It felt good to verbalize it, but that little bit of good did little to overshadow the worry that clouds his mind thinking about Dean. 

The suspicion in Meg’s eyes finally fades away and there’s, dare he say, something soft in her eyes. She sighs and shakes her head. 

“Jesus, you’re so soft,” she jokes, that familiar smirk returning to her lips. She sighs as she gets up from the chair. “Listen, Clarence. You’re going to need to work this thing out with Dean. Whether you two stop being friends or you give him a chance even if he’s a porn star who hasn’t had a long-term relationship to his name is up to you. And you’re going to do it soon because I can’t stand this hide in your office routine for much longer. It’s slowing up the clinic and I’ve had too much prolonged exposure to children, and I can’t stand it. Are we clear?” 

Her words are as much an encouragement to sort his shit out, as it is a threat. Though she doesn’t say what she’ll do if he doesn’t get it together, he’s already got a few ideas of what she’ll do in mind. 

He nods his head with a tired sigh. “Of course.” 

“Good. Now go get these children out of this clinic.”  

Castiel laughs as Meg disappears around the corner. Maybe it’s a sign that two people so close to him have said the same thing.  _ Fix it with Dean _ . He has no doubt that the problem is with him, but he’s not sure how to you change your entire mindset. 

He thinks that will probably start with calling Dean back to tell him he’s okay. But not today. 

 

**~***~**

The campus seems unfamiliar as Castiel walks the halls to locate Charlie’s office. It’s been only a few weeks since he was last here, but for the last three weeks he hasn’t gotten a call or text from Charlie to see if he was still coming. He isn’t one to show uninvited either, so he just assumes that they didn’t have any space for him. 

As it is going on the fourth week without so much as a text from Charlie, he figured it wouldn’t hurt to go find her in person. She’s also Dean’s friend, and he wonders if he might be able pick her brain on what to do about Dean. She seemed approachable in the past. 

He’s at least texted Dean back. He’s said that he’s been very busy, but he hopes Dean’s been well. When Dean doesn’t respond though, he’s not overly surprised. He did go dark on Dean for several weeks, and a lesser person wouldn’t have stuck around for nearly as long as Dean has. 

He’s in an unfamiliar part of the campus, wandering the halls of the computer science building, gazing at every sign in hopes that one of them will say Charlie’s name. 

He finally strikes gold when he sees a sign for Charlie outside a small atrium. With a deep breath he ducks inside and thankfully sees a light on in the office that seems to belong to Charlie, the rest dark or with their doors closed. He can hear her talking, or rather yelling, at someone or something. Whatever it is, it’s accompanied by very aggressive typing on her keyboard. 

When he peers around the corner he finds Charlie turned around at her desk, headset on and what looks like a computer game playing across her three computer screens. He questions how effective three computer screens could be. 

Either way, Charlie seems completely ignorant to his presence, so he gently taps on the door, startling Charlie who yelps as she throws the headset half across her office, as she turns around panicked. There’s a strange mix of relief that crosses her face when she sees it’s Castiel, but then that relief fades into a poorly concealed grimace. 

“I hope I’m not disturbing you, Charlie?” 

Charlie doesn’t outright glare, but Castiel can see the tension in her posture now, and her eyes are narrowed suspiciously on him, but he’s honestly not surprised by it, given that she’s Dean’s friend. 

“Kinda, but not really. I mean, you’re not the department head which is a great because he would definitely be pissed off if he saw me playing games on my work computer again, but on the other hand, you just interrupted a really important game of League.” 

“League?” 

“League, as in League of Legends.” When he doesn’t show any form of recognition, Charlie’s eyes go wide. “Wait, you’ve never heard of League of Legends?” 

Castiel shakes his head, searching his mind for any recollection of this game she’s referring to, and apparently implying he should know of, but coming up short. “I can’t say that I have.” 

Charlie sighs. “Geez, you’re so behind. We really need to…” she pauses and seems surprised at what was going to come out of her mouth, and clears her throat. “So, what brings you by Dr. Novak? We don’t have a scheduled STI screening today.” 

“That’s why I’m here actually. I was wondering if there was a reason we haven’t scheduled any for a while?” 

Charlie squirms in her seat a little. Castiel always considered having an eye for the small changes in people a gift, but seeing the slight moves of discomfort from Charlie, he wishes he could just ignore it. He wonders if Dean’s told her everything. Does she hate him now? Does Dean hate him now? 

Has his own paranoia cost him everything? 

“Umm, we just haven’t had a need for it. The gang and I were actually about to plan events for the next semester, so that’s taken up a lot of our time. And I haven’t really had Dean or anyone around to help lately. We’re evaluating what we want to do next semester.” As far as lies go, it’s not bad, but Castiel is acutely aware that Charlie is hiding something. 

It does little to fix that pit that sits heavy in his stomach. He’s really messed up this time, and it feels like there’s no fixing it. Still, he puts on the best smile he can manage, and nods. “That sounds good. If you’re ever in need of my help, you can always call.” 

He turns to walk away, hoping he doesn’t show his disappointment and almost makes it back to the hallway before he hears footsteps. 

“Wait!” Charlie calls after him. Castiel turns around, and Charlie is there behind him. She looks conflicted, and Castiel thinks he might know why. 

“Is something wrong?” he asks. 

Charlie bites her lip, before sighing and rolling her eyes. “Look, Dr. Novak. I think you’re really cool, and you are like one of the best things to happen to the club here, but…” she pauses again, and this time Castiel raises an eyebrow curiously, waiting for whatever reason she’s about to give. “It’s about you and Dean.” 

Castiel exhales and closes his eyes. “I had a feeling it was. I can’t say that I’m surprised.” 

Charlie offers a sympathetic smile when Castiel realizes that he’s frowning or scowling, he’s never sure which one it is. 

“Look, I’m not gonna lie and say that I’m not really pissed off. Dean’s one of my best friends in the whole world and he’s like… heartbroken over you kinda throwing him to the side.”

“Wait, what did you say?” Castiel quickly interjects. 

“You tossed Dean to the side?” she repeats, unsure. “I mean, I know Dean’s a porn star and all, and that’s not really a career you go around yelling to everyone, much less a doctor, but he really liked you. I’m just mad you couldn’t see past that,” Charlie berates. Castiel stares wide-eyed at her, the words unable to come out of his mouth, but with it there’s a weird blossoming of hope… maybe. 

“Dean… really has feelings for me?” 

Now it’s Charlie who regards him curiously, a slight tilt to her head as she looks at him. “You seriously didn’t know?” The way she says it isn’t an  _ oh my god you’re such an idiot  _ way, but truly more of a  _ I can’t believe you really didn’t know.  _ It makes me feel a bit better that he wasn’t just ignoring Dean’s advances. He shakes his head and Charlie cracks a bit of a smile. “I mean, I probably shouldn’t say this, but Dean was nuts for you. He kept telling me how hot you were, and how he was in way over his head. The guy is smitten. Like every other word out of his mouth is about you.” 

His mouth hangs open when Charlie repeats what Dean said about him, and it takes Charlie snickering for him to finally fix his face. 

“Dean said that… about me?”

“Boys are so ridiculous,” Charlie huffs. “I swear, it’s why I like women. So much more straightforward about our feelings.” Castiel cracks a smile at that. He may not be out of the woods yet, but at least Charlie’s willing to make a joke now. “Listen. Dr. Novak—”

“You can call me, Castiel,” Castiel interrupts. 

Charlie grins. “Alright, Castiel. I’m gonna tell you something that might totally be out of line, but I’d kick myself in the ass if I didn’t say it. Dean doesn’t have the world’s best track record with dating. He’s dated some real losers. Some people just want a quick fuck with the porn star of the dirty fantasies, and that’s the depth of the relationship.” 

“But, why? He seems like such a genuine person. Anyone would be lucky to date him.” 

Charlie smiles but shrugs. “A lot of it has to do with his job. People don’t want to date a guy who has sex with other people on camera for a living. And then… sometimes I think it’s what Dean thinks he deserves.” 

Castiel can’t quite put a word to the feeling he gets right in his chest when he imagines Dean thinking he only deserves to be treated as a fantasy, rather than the person he is. He hates even more that he might have even contributed to that feeling. 

“Hey, buck up,” Charlie continues, seeming to notice that he’s downtrodden again. “Look, Castiel. Dean really, really likes you, and he’s been freaking out like crazy. You’re probably one of the first few genuine people Dean’s had feelings for, and he’s all mopey because he feels like he screwed up.” 

Castiel sighs. “Dean did nothing wrong. If anything… it’s all my fault. I couldn’t get out of my head long enough to realize that things aren’t the same as they were in high school.” 

Charlie nods. “You know… you should tell him this.” 

Castiel looks around, but he knows there’s no other way to avoid it. If he wants to fix this he knows there’s no other way to do so than to talk to Dean. Which means he’s got to decide if he ready to commit to trying to make this work with Dean. God knows his heart wants to.

“I really should, shouldn’t I?” 

Charlie nods. Her smile gives him some hope that he hasn’t screwed up too badly. 

“Call him. I think you two could make a great couple.” She winks, and Castiel can feel that heat in his cheeks, signaling a blush. 

“Thank you, Charlie,” he finally says, after a moment to process and accept what he’s going to do. 

“I’m rooting for you two.” There’s a beeping that sounds from her office and she turns back and huffs. “I gotta get back to my game, but listen, call him. Dean’s a great guy and so are you. I think you could be just the guy Dean needs in his life.” 

She’s off and back in her office in the flash of bouncing red hair, and he’s left standing in the middle of the office, thinking of Dean. He can make this better. He can get out of his head long to make this work with Dean. He owes it to himself to be happy, and he owes it to Dean to show that he cares about him. 

He’s determined to at least try to fix this with Dean. They both deserve it. 


	8. Chapter 8

Castiel stares at his phone… well, more accurately he glares at it. It shouldn’t be so hard to call Dean, but he finds himself utterly petrified. Since he left Charlie’s office he’s been hoping that maybe Dean would call him one more time, and then he could answer. But fate had other plans and he’s now stuck sitting at home at his kitchen table staring at his phone, waiting for the will to finally pick up the damn phone and dial the number. 

Charlie’s given him hope that maybe he hasn’t totally screwed up everything with Dean. He just hopes she’s right. 

He takes another few deep breaths, and finally picks up the phone. He scrolls through his recent contacts list and hesitates, but after a minute, presses the call button to dial Dean. 

Every ring makes him more anxious, but nothing is more heart-stopping than the moment the ringing stops. 

“Hello,” Dean’s deep, gruff voice greets on the other end of the line. He sounds slightly surprised, as if caller ID didn’t tell him who was calling. Has Dean really given up hope that he would ever call him again? 

“Hello, Dean.” 

There’s silence from Dean’s end for a moment, until he hears Dean clear his throat. “Oh, hey, Cas. I, uh, thought you might’ve butt-dialed me, or something.” There’s no anger in his words, but the simple fact that Dean doubted the authenticity of the call is enough of slap in the face. 

“I… no. This is very much an intentional call.” 

“Ahh. So, what can I do for you?” 

“I was hoping we could meet up soon. I think we have some things to talk about.” 

“Feel like you kinda said enough already, avoiding me and all.” 

There’s bite in his words. Dean doesn’t say much, but it’s enough. “I’m sorry for avoiding you, Dean. I’d like the chance to explain myself to you, in person.” 

“Cas, I gotta tell ya… I don’t know if that is a good idea. I mean you went radio silent on me after I figured that we might have a chance. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea opening that door again.” 

Dean’s surprisingly eloquent for someone who sounds so unsure, and Castiel wonders if Dean had been preparing himself for a moment like this. For whenever he ran into Castiel again. Still, there’s a fear growing deep in his chest as he thinks about Dean not wanting to see him again. It feels like his heart is growing heavy and threatening to sink out of the confines of his ribcage. While he knows that’s at least highly improbable, it doesn’t stop the feeling. 

“Please, Dean. I’d just like a chance to explain myself.” He takes a deep breath. He’s never been one to sound desperate, but he’s quite convinced that he will say whatever it takes to see Dean at least one more time. “If you are not satisfied after we meet then I will… stay away from you, if that’s what you’d like.” 

Dean exhales on the other end of the line, and Castiel hopes that Dean will agree. 

“I, uh, got a full schedule today. I could meet you down at the bar tomorrow, around eight? Figure we both should have plenty of alcohol handy if need be.” 

Castiel can feel a smile touching at the corner of his lips. “That sounds good. I will see you tomorrow at eight then.” 

“Awesome. See ya then.” 

The line goes dead and Castiel feels like a small weight’s been lifted off his shoulders. It still doesn’t do much for the guilt of avoiding for Dean so long, but he hopes that this is a step forward, and that after all of this maybe, just maybe, he might come out on the other side in a better spot. 

 

**~***~**

Castiel was hoping for a louder bar when he walks in, but as if anticipating that he and Dean might be having an awkward conversation, the bar is almost empty. Then again, on a regular Thursday when there’s no bar specials and everyone is trying to get through one more day until the end of the week like he is. Dean’s nowhere in sight as he slides into a stool at the bar. 

When he looks up the bartender is the same guy he remembers from the last time he’d been here with Dean. The guy, Donnie, if he recalls correctly, smiles back at him as he makes his way down to him. 

“What can I get ya?” 

“Whatever’s good on tap. I trust your suggestion,” Castiel answers. He reaches into his wallet and grabs a fifty dollar bill, before sliding it to Donnie who looks at him shocked. “Paying in advance for mine and my friend’s drinks. The rest is all yours.” 

Donnie grins. “Thanks. Let me grab that beer.” Castiel watches Donnie move as he decides which beer to get him, keeping an eye on the door for Dean. “You’re one of Dean’s friends, right?” Donnie asks as he slides a glass of dark beer towards him. 

Castiel considers the question carefully. He’s not quite sure where he and Dean fall at the moment, but for the sake of not being rude he smiles and nods. “Yes, Castiel. I’m an acquaintance from high school.” 

Donnie nods. “Alright. I just stopped seeing you two in here for a while. I was getting kind of worried about him.” 

“I’m actually meeting him here soon.” Curiosity overtakes him, and since Dean’s not here yet, he figures it wouldn’t hurt to inquire more about Dean through Donnie. “You know Dean as well, if I recall correctly?” 

“Oh yeah. We work together down at the studio. I haven’t been there in a while though. Been hard to juggle school, working here at night, and filming too. But, yeah, Dean was actually the first guy I filmed with, back when I started.” 

“I remember Dean mentioning that.” Castiel pauses when he realizes the direction the conversation is going in. “I’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted to talk about here.” 

Castiel raises an eyebrow, not expecting Donnie to be so open, but Donnie just chuckles. “Don’t worry. I’m not really that shy about it. Funny enough, it was actually Dean who inspired me to not be so scared about it.” 

“Really?” Castiel asks, surprised. 

Donnie nods. “Dean’s one of those guys who just kinda owns it. Guess he doesn’t have much of a choice, since he’s such a big name in the industry, but he’s the real deal. He was the one who convinced me to go back to school.” 

On the one hand, it’s refreshing to hear that Dean’s always been the genuine person that Castiel knows and believes him to be and has ever since high school. On the other hand, it only makes him feel like an even bigger asshole for hiding from Dean for all those weeks, after he completely disregarded Dean’s feelings.

“That’s good to hear. He is a great guy.” It’s not much, but it’s the only thing Castiel can say, because it’s true. Dean is a good person. 

“So, you know Dean from way back, huh. What was he like?” 

Castiel takes a sip from his glass, and sets it back down on the counter before humming. “Dean was… the same more or less. We’ve only been reacquainted for a few months, but he’s every bit the same as he is now as he was then. Genuine, down to earth, and always wants to have a good time.” 

“Don’t meet a lot of guys who stay the same as that do ya?” 

Castiel shakes his head. He can feel himself grinning from ear to ear as he recalls a young, high school Dean. He didn’t get to see all of Dean, as they ran in completely different social circles. The little time he spent with Dean, in one of their bedrooms or even in the back of Dean’s Impala, he never felt like Dean was disingenuous. Dean is, and has always been, who he says he is.

“No, you really don’t.” 

“Always find it crazy that he never settled down. Guy like that is everything a guy or girl is looking for. Last time we talked though, he mentioned having his eye on someone. Person’s one lucky guy or gal. I know that much.” 

Castiel picks up his glass and takes another gulp, knowing full well that if he didn’t he’d just be staring at Donnie, as he contemplates if Dean was talking about him. 

He sees Donnie look up and has a strong feeling that means the moment of reckoning is finally here. When he turns back he sees Dean standing in the doorway. His hands are shoved into the pockets of his leather jacket, and he’s got more peach fuzz than the last time since Castiel had seen him. It reminds him of the porn video he’d watched of Dean’s, and he has to quickly will the image away, as he feels himself getting inappropriately hard. 

Finally, Dean makes his way to bar where he stands close to Castiel, but leaves a noticeable enough distance that it hurts Castiel a little. When he looks up at Dean, his  expression is blank. There’s a smile, but Castiel can sense that it’s a reluctant one. If he was in Dean’s position, he probably wouldn’t be able to manage that much. 

“Hello, Dean.” 

“Cas.” Dean turns to Donnie, and it hurts only a little when Castiel sees Dean’s eyes go from tepid to a bit brighter. “Donnie, what’s going on?” 

Donnie shakes his head as he reaches for another glass, and fills it with a different beer from the taps. “Surviving. That’s all. Castiel and I were actually just talking about you.” 

Dean raises an eyebrow suspiciously at the two of them. 

“Yeah? Hopefully you were only saying good things.” 

Donnie chuckles. “Only the best.” 

Donnie slides Dean his glass, and Dean takes it with a wink. “Gracias.” 

Donnie laughs and nods just as two customers walk in, college students by the looks of them. “I’ll leave you two to it.” Donnie wanders off to the other end of the bar while Castiel turns to Dean, hesitating only for a second before his gaze meets Dean’s. Seeing Dean’s eyes in person again shouldn’t be as exhilarating as it is, but seeing those shining green eyes does something to him. 

“So… we gonna sit here and talk, or you wanna grab a table?” Dean finally asks. 

“A table might be best.” 

Dean nods, and doesn’t wait to for him to get up before he wanders off to find a table. There’s still not a lot of people in the bar, the majority of them the college aged men who have found a spot by the pool tables to loiter it seems. Where they are it’s just Dean and Castiel sitting across from one another, only separated by the two glasses of beer. Castiel has already drank enough that he’s verging on needing a refill already. 

They sit quietly for a minute. Dean, for all his apparent disappointment in all his texts and voicemails earlier, seems completely calm. Castiel wants to know what Dean’s feeling or thinking, or at the very least get a sense from Dean’s body language, but Dean’s calm and controlled disposition gives him nothing to work with. 

“So, long time no see,” Dean breaks the silence. 

“Yes… it has been a while,” Castiel answers. He finds himself staring down at the table, unable to meet Dean’s eyes as he thinks of what to say. “I hope you’ve been well.” 

It’s a dumb thing to say, especially when both Gabriel and Charlie have already told him Dean’s been off. He just hopes maybe it won’t sound as bad coming from Dean. 

Dean takes a gulp of his beer, and shrugs. “Been better. Hadn’t exactly been the best person in the world to hang around for the last few weeks. Hard to be when the guy you thought might’ve given a damn about you runs out on you without a word.” 

Castiel nods. He expected that. Honestly, he expected worse. Dean truly is a better person than he could ever be for not letting him have it. 

“I’m sorry about that, Dean. Truly.” Dean’s silent, but his gaze is piercing, like it could shoot right through him. “It was never my intention to make you feel like that, Dean.” 

“Then what the hell was your intention, Cas? Cause I gotta tell ya, it’s been a pretty shitty last few weeks trying to think back on what I did wrong to drive you away like that.” 

There’s anger this time, which Castiel is appreciative for. The only way this could be worse is if Dean wasn’t at least a little bit angry for Castiel just abandoning him that way. Anger hopefully means he still cares, if only a little.

“You did nothing wrong. My avoiding you was completely my fault, Dean.” 

Dean shakes his head, and finally there’s a chink in the visible armor. Dean’s eyes narrow and there’s indignation in his demeanor. His shoulders are tense and he looks ready to either throw a fit, or breakdown. “Look, Cas. I gotta get this off my chest cause I’ve been waiting to, and if I don’t I feel like I might explode.” Castiel looks up at Dean, noticing the way Dean’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. “I’m really fuckin’ pissed, Cas. When I first saw you after all these years, I figured there was no way you’d ever give me the time of day. I mean I am a fucking porn star and you’re a doctor. But God, I fucking wanted it to work. I really wanted a chance to maybe date you the way you deserved. And right when I thought maybe it was going somewhere, you just left. It fuckin’ hurt, Cas.” 

Castiel winces. Each word out of Dean’s mouth was coated in pain and anger, and Castiel deserves it all. 

“Dean—” 

“No. Let me finish, Cas,” Dean interrupts. Castiel swallows and nods. “I just want you to tell me the truth, Cas. Am I wasting my time? Is it because I’m a porn star? Cause look, you’re not the first person I’ve liked who couldn’t see past the porn star thing, and I just… I gotta know if that’s what it is. Cause I ain’t changing what I do just for that, but—fuck—I just don’t wanna feel like I wasted all that time for nothing.” 

“No, of course not, Dean!” Castiel blurts out. He’s not sure if it’s what Dean said, or if it was the way Dean’s voice slowly but surely became more timid, that drew the outburst from him, but either way, something in him broke at Dean’s words. Dean sighs, and relaxes back into his chair, and Castiel seizes the momentary reprieve from Dean’s venting to speak. “I have never, would never, judge you for what you do, Dean. I would never do something like that. What you do has no bearing on how I see you.” 

“Then tell me what happened, Cas? Why’d you run away, man?” 

Castiel feels like all the feelings he’s been building since he first saw Dean in the gym when he first volunteered at the school, and hell since the last time his eighteen year old self laid in Dean’s bed, are ready to explode. 

“I… it was because I wasn’t sure about my own feelings, Dean.” 

“What does that mean? Either you like me or you don’t, Cas.” 

Castiel shakes his head. “No, it’s more than that, Dean.” He’s doing this. He’s really doing this. He lets his brain quiet so that he can finally speak not what’s on his mind, but what’s been sitting on his heart. “I had to decide whether my feelings for you were genuine or if they were remnants of a the past relationship that I never got closure on.” 

That seems to catch Dean by surprise a little, by the way he straightens up and regards Castiel curiously. “You mean, back when we were in high school.” 

Castiel nods. “When we were in high school, I used to hope that one day maybe I’d be one of the lucky few that would get to date Dean Winchester. But I was never anything more than a fill in between all your girlfriends, and then high school ended. And then… I saw you in the gym years later, and… a part of me felt like a kid again, wondering and hoping that maybe you could ever like me.” 

Dean seems to be taking in his every word. His eyes are glued on him, and anger that was palpable in his expression is gone, replaced with curiosity. 

“You mean, you still thought I was that douchebag from high school?” Dean asks. 

Castiel lets himself smile but shakes his head. “I never thought you were a douchebag, Dean. I just never thought you’d actually see me as something dateable. I wasn’t a cheerleader or like the people you dated. But back then I would’ve given anything for you to see me like you saw all your girlfriends. And then when you told me you did porn, I realized again I wasn’t anything like the men and women you… find yourself around all day. I’m not exciting. I’m boring. I think too much, and my idea of fun is sitting at home and reading. The Dean Winchester I remember is not someone who would enjoy that.” 

Dean’s speechless now. His eyes are wider than they were only a moment ago and his lips part as if his mouth wants to fall open. Castiel sighs but holds his head up high, finally finding the strength not to let his head hang low in shame. 

“That’s the truth, Dean. It was never you. It was me. It was me trying to decide whether I was acting on my feelings for you previously, or if after everything, I truly had feelings for you.” 

Dean stares at him wide-eyed, almost like new-born child would stare at its parents for the first time. He’s not sure whether it’s a good or a bad sign, but he at least hopes Dean knows it’s not his fault. 

“And, after all of that…” Dean starts words slow and hesitant. “What did you finally decide?” 

Had someone asked this question before, Castiel would’ve simply answered that he doesn’t know. Sitting here, across from Dean, letting go of all the emotions he’s had bottled up for so long, he realizes that he’s had the answer all along. 

“I realize that my feelings for you are not just long-held from our time in high school. The feelings I have for you are ones I have developed from getting to know you again, and falling in love with how intelligent and caring you are. Whether you continue to do porn or whether you work towards your dream of becoming a therapist, my feelings for you will remain the same.” 

Castiel had been wondering what it would take for him to be freed from the weight of the guilt of avoiding Dean for so long, and now he has his answer. The moment the words are out of his mouth he feels lighter than he has in weeks. There’s not even the worry that Dean may reject his admission. All he focuses on now is that the truth is out to the only person that matters. 

“Cas… I… don’t know what to say,” Dean murmurs. 

Castiel shrugs, not sure whether to take that as a rejection, but either way what’s said is said. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, or anything, for what I did to you. I just hope that you will know that you were not wasting your time, and that I enjoyed our time together.”

He debates getting up to pay Donnie for his drink, before escaping the awkward tension that lingering between them. Dean’s just staring, no indication whether he’s still thinking of what to say, or if he’s just decided to show Castiel that he’s not interested in pursuing anything with him. 

“I’m… going to go now,” he finally says, hoping he doesn’t sound despondent as he moves his seat back. 

“Wait, Cas,” Dean halts. Castiel looks to him and Dean’s expression is still a mystery. “I… wanna show you something. It’s in my car.” 

“Oh, okay?” Castiel says. 

Dean stands up and Castiel follows him, thankful that he already paid Donnie in advance, since Dean makes a beeline for the door without stopping by the bar. The sun has set over the town, and the only lights left are the lights of the bar, and a couple of fading street lamps. Under one of those street lamps, Castiel sees the Impala and Dean all but drags him towards it. 

“Dean, what are you showing me?” 

“It’s umm… a surprise.” They stop in front of the Impala and Castiel watches as Dean halts him there. “It’ll only be a second, I promise.” 

Castiel raises an eyebrow. “O…kay.” 

Dean hurries off to the Impala, opening the door and digging around in the driver’s side. Castiel’s curiosity doesn’t stop even when Dean shuts the car door and walks up to him, something clearly grasped in the palm of his hand. 

“Dean?” Castiel asks. 

Dean finally cracks, and the stoic demeanor he’d maintained on their way out dissolves into a bashful grin that Castiel isn’t sure he’s ever seen before. 

“Cas, I kinda wanted to tell you this a while ago, but I just couldn’t think of what to say. But, I… wanted to give you this years back before graduation.” Dean opens his palm, and Castiel sees a necklace fall from it. The charm at the end is a caduceus, but in the dim light Castiel can see a C and an N etched into the wings on the charm. 

“Dean this is… amazing,” Castiel admires as he stares at the dangling necklace. “What was this for?” 

“I wanted to get it for you before you left for college. It was when I wanted you to be my boyfriend.” 

Castiel stares up from the necklace to Dean who is blushing now. “You wanted to date me back then?” 

Dean nods slowly. “Took me a hell of a long time to figure it out, but when you graduated and walked across that stage, I just thought about one day getting to call you my boyfriend, and that’s when it happened.” Dean holds the necklace out for him, and Castiel slowly takes it. “Sammy went to visit our Uncle Bobby and he found it in the attic.” 

Castiel looks at the necklace in his hand, before latching it on his neck, and somehow the cold metal feels right against his neck. 

“Dean, it’s perfect.” 

“I’m, uh, glad you like it.” 

Castiel feels the pendant with his hands again, and then turns to Dean. “Why didn’t you give it to me back then?” 

Dean bites his lower lip for a second, but tries to play off his nervousness with a small laugh and shrug. “I knew I wasn’t gonna be anything good enough for a doctor. I wasn’t gonna go to school like you did, Cas. I just… didn’t want to hold to you back.” 

“Dean.” 

Dean shakes his head, but he’s grinning, wider with no sense of it being forced. “I screwed up back then, and we got a lot of shit to work out now, but I really think that us meeting up again after all these years ain’t a coincidence, Cas. I think… maybe if you want, this is a second chance for us to get it right.” 

All of a sudden it clicks. There’s no need to be bashful anymore. For once he feels like he and Dean are on the same page, and all the doubt he’d held since he first saw Dean in that gym melts away. He steps forward, closing the gap between them and presses his lips to Dean’s. Dean is pliant, not shying away when Castiel grabs his face to keep him still. 

It’s tender, but rushed. Soft, but passionate. Dean’s lips are soft, but his tongue is hungry as it snakes its way into Castiel’s mouth, brushing against Castiel’s. Castiel shivers at the touch, but doesn’t stop until the air is lost from his lungs. When he pulls back, Dean is grinning almost deliriously, almost on the verge of laughing it seems. Castiel can feel the heat of embarrassment pooling in his cheeks, but he’s still smiling harder than he has in weeks. 

“So…” Dean jokes. 

“I… yes,” Castiel stammers. Words aren’t exactly coming to his brain right now, but he’s honestly okay with that. 

“Are we, uh, you know?” 

Castiel chuckles, but shrugs. “I think we are. If you would like to at least.” 

“Oh, definitely want to. Are you good with that?” 

Castiel nods. “I’m very good with that.” Castiel laughs as a brilliant idea filters into his brain. “Obviously, we have some things to discuss later as official boyfriends, but I like the title of Dean Winchester’s boyfriend.” 

Dean grins. “Well, I guess we’re gonna have to find a way to celebrate the occasion. The day you and I got our shit together.” 

All sorts of ideas pop into Castiel’s head about how he can help return the favor, and each of them is better the last. He’s definitely going to make the best of the time they have together.  

“I think we can come up with something.” 

Dean smirks. “Oh hell yeah we can. And we got a long-ass time to do it too.”


	9. Chapter 9

“This will only hurt for one second, Andrew,” Castiel soothes as he prepares the needle for injection. Andrew, the barely older than eighteen, patient on the examination table winces as Castiel sticks him with the tetanus shot vaccine, but it’s over in an instant and Castiel quickly removes the needle and cleans and bandages the puncture wound quickly.

“That it?” Andrew asks.

“That’s it. You’ll feel some soreness in your arm for a few hours, but it should go away in a day. Other than that, you should have all the shots your school requires. We’ll still want to see you in six months for your annual check-up.”

Andrew nods his head, probably not nearly concerned about scheduling a doctor’s appointment a year from now. Castiel grins before discarding his gloves right as he feels his phone buzz in the pocket of his white coat.

“I have to head out but give us a call if you have any questions. Kevin can check you out upfront.”

Castiel opens the door and wanders back to his office, but not before he sees a text from Dean.

**Dean: Free tonight? How do you feel about pasta for dinner?**

Castiel can’t fight the overwhelmingly large grin that spreads across his face. If he thought his entire world would turn upside down dating Dean, he was terribly mistaken. He figures out just after a few weeks of dating that Dean slots into his life like a long-lost puzzle piece.

**Castiel: I’ll swing by after work if that’s alright?**

**Dean: Sounds good to me. Bring your appetite. And I mean food not sex. Though I can’t rule that out either**

Castiel snorts as he takes a seat at his desk, moving his phone to the side.

“Someone’s all smiles,” Meg notes as she walks in a only a moment later. “Any reason in particular?” she adds, her tone implying that she’s already fully aware of the cause of his grinning.

“I simply am getting dinner with someone,” he replies casually as he turns his attention to his computer screen.

“You mean you finally pulled your head out of your ass and started banging Dean Smith?” She smirks with that smug ‘I know I’m right’ look as she sits down and crosses one leg over the other. “Gotta say, I didn’t think you had it in you, Clarence.”

“I’m glad to have proven you wrong then,” he counters.

“So, give me all the juicy details about this ‘blossoming’ relationship, and don’t leave anything out.”

Castiel rolls his eyes as he responds to an email. “There isn’t much to tell you. It’s still a fairly new.”

“You can’t expect me to believe that you’re dating one of the most popular porn stars in the porn world today and not at least having the most mind-blowing sex ever.”

“Whether I am or am not, I’m not going to be telling you, my employee, about it. And shouldn’t you be getting patients ready. We’re almost closed and I’d like to leave on time today.”

“So, you do have a hot date with Dean.”

“Meg,” Castiel warns, glaring at her.

“Fine. I’ll leave it alone. For now.” Rolling her eyes, she gets up and makes her way out of his office, but right as he’s about to breathe a sigh of relief, she pokes her head through again. He sighs, but Meg smiles. “Just wanted to say, I’m proud of you for locking him down, Clarence.”

He rolls his eyes, but he can’t force himself to give her that usual grin of indifference like he wants to. Instead he huffs but allows himself to smile just a bit.

“Thank you, Meg.”

“So… can I have Friday off,” she quickly adds.

He shoots her an even darker glare this time to which Meg smiles and disappears around the corner again. Despite her usual annoyance, he can’t help but be thankful for Meg being a constant thorn in his side. He isn’t sure where he’d be both with the practice or with Dean if he wasn’t for her.

Maybe he will let her have the day off.

 _Maybe_.

 

~***~

It’s a little past six when he leaves and makes his way to Dean’s apartment for dinner. He debated going home to change, but Dean’s has enough old t-shirts and sweatpants to pull from, some of which are currently strewn about in Castiel’s own house.

He knocks on the door and hears Dean yell that it’s open before walking in and being smacked in the face with the rich aroma of pasta sauce cooking on the stove.

“Bout time you got here,” Dean laughs. “Dinner’s almost ready. Just waiting for the bread to finish up in the oven.”

Castiel wets his lips as he watches Dean roaming around his apartment kitchen in tight jeans, and a grey Zepplin t-shirt. It’s one thing to see Dean naked, which he’s seen a lot of lately, but it’s even better to see Dean in such a domesticated manner. It gives him a selfish glee that none of Dean’s ‘adoring’ fans get to see Dean like this. Only he gets to see the Dean that can cook like a professional chef or reads classic literature in his spare time.

Castiel moves next to Dean while Dean turns to meet him, their lips touching in a quick kiss. Something about dating Dean flipped a switch in him and suddenly, he’s much more romantic than usual. With others he’s dated in the past, he’s barely managed to hug. With Dean, it’s as if fourteen years hasn’t passed since then. Touching Dean like this, so intimately doesn’t feel awkward at all.

“It smells amazing,” Castiel praises as he leans forward, getting a strong whiff of the herbs cooking in the red pasta sauce.

“Well, glad to know I didn’t fuck the recipe up. Bobby would skin me alive if he found out I screwed up his wife’s pasta sauce recipe.”

“Is Bobby the one who taught you to cook?” Castiel asks as he pulls back from Dean to give him his space as Dean moves to another side of the kitchen to stir the pasta that’s still boiling on the stove.

“Yep. For a stubborn old man who knows how to cook. We’ll have to go there sometime if you’re up for it. The old man might want some company every now and then.”

“I’d like that,” Castiel answers with a smile. “Anything I can do to help?”

Dean smiles but shakes his head. “Just grab a few beers from the fridge and grab a seat somewhere on the couch.”

Castiel does as Dean instructs and finds a space on the couch. The television is on some sports game, but he doesn’t bother to pay attention to it, especially when Dean follows with two plates of spaghetti and bread, one of which he passes to Castiel.

“So, it’s nothing like what Bobby would cook up, but I’d like to think my spaghetti’s not half-bad.”

The scent is heavenly, and he quickly shovels a forkful of pasta and meat sauce into his mouth. He’s almost embarrassed by the sounds that he makes, but the explosion of flavor in his mouth makes it impossible not to make those noises.

Dean snorts through a bite of his spaghetti. “Damn. Keep making those noises and I’m gonna talk Gabriel into hiring you to teach a class in faking an orgasm.”

Castiel feels a blush coming on and looks away to no avail. “Is that a real thing?” he asks.

“Nah. But it should be. Lot of guys could learn a lesson in at least faking being turned on.”

“Bad experiences in the past?”

“Too many to count,” Dean chuckles. Castiel watches Dean wash down another bite of spaghetti with a drink from his beer, guilty staring at how Dean’s lips wrap around the bottle just right. “Lot of times it’s the gay-for-pay guys who suck. Pun intended.” Castiel rolls his eyes and Dean snorts, clearly amused. “A lot of them think it’s easy to suck a dick or fuck a guy if you got straight porn playing nearby, but it’s a pain in the ass trying to do both at once. They never seem to remember that they actually have to be paying attention to the other guy.”

“Why even shoot gay porn if you’re not going to actually enjoy having sex with another man?”

Dean shrugs. “It’s all about the money. Guys can make an easy grand fucking another guy on camera. Doesn’t make it fun that guys like me get stuck with them sometimes.”

“That sounds awful.”

“It’s not a big deal. Gabriel and Crowley try to hire gay or bi actors for any gay scenes. They’re not too big into the gay-for-pay thing. But, hey, enough about all that. How was your day?”

“Extremely busy. The clinic is growing fast. I don’t think I’ll be able to keep up for long. Kevin will probably quit if we add any more patients. Poor kid gets anxious trying to handle the number phone of phone calls and patients coming in every day. It’s a miracle he’s stuck around as long as he has.”

“Kevin’s a trooper, I’ll give him that. Plus, the kid freakin’ idolizes you. He’d never quit.”

“He… idolizes me?” Castiel asks.

Dean scoffs. “You kiddin’ me? Kevin never stops talking about you at the Spectrum events and stuff. He’s always going on about how much well you’re doing for the gay community. Kid basically wants to be you now. I think you gave him a new reason to go to med school besides his mom telling him he had to.”

“I had no clue. But that’s good to hear. Maybe I’ll see if he’s interested in observing if he’s interested in going to medical school.” On the other-hand, that means he’ll have to find someone to help cover the front desk which would be a nightmare, but he’d rather help Kevin grow than give him a panic attack. He files that away for thoughts for another time and instead takes another bit of his spaghetti. “How was your day, Dean?”

Dean shrugs. “Nothing too bad. Did some promo shots for a new video coming out that took up most of the morning, but other than that I just chilled out most of the day.”

“New video, huh? Anything I might be particularly interested in?”

“Well if you’re into the whole pizza man fucking the babysitter type thing then yeah could up your alley,” Dean laughs. Though Dean’s joking, it’s hard for Castiel not to get a little hard thinking about it. Then again, it’s not hard at all when he thinks about Dean. Dean seems to take notice and chuckles. “I’ll take that look on your face as a yes. Maybe, I’ll get you an advanced copy that we can watch together.”

Castiel scrunches his face, mostly to hide the fact that he’d be sitting mouth open in want otherwise. “Is that not weird for you. Seeing yourself on camera making porn?”

“It’s kinda like making a sex tape, right? Besides, the porn would just be to set the mood. You’d be the main event,” Dean teases, winking in that inviting manner.

“You’re evil,” Castiel chastises playfully.

Dean grins wickedly. “Only for you.” They are interrupted by Dean’s phone buzzing on the coffee table and Castiel uses the distraction to pile more food into his mouth in hopes of blocking any salacious thoughts that Dean’s new project brings to mind. “Sammy. What’s up?”

Castiel smiles when he sees Dean’s face light up at his younger brother calling. It’s a subtle reminder that he’ll have to face his own siblings soon. Thanksgiving is inching closer and with it a sense of dread having to be at his mother’s mercy again.

Whatever Sam says doesn’t seem to sit well with Dean based on the crease that forms on his brow. “Sammy, for the tenth time, I don’t need you two to bring anything, geez. Tell Max that he doesn’t need to bring anything to kiss up to me?” There’s another pause and Dean rolls his eyes and sighs.

Castiel raises an eyebrow and sets his place aside finished with it before taking a sip of beer, his concern focused solely on Dean.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Talk to you later, bitch.” Dean hangs up the phone and drops it back on the coffee table.

“What was that about?” Castiel asks.

“Sammy’s pestering me about him and his boyfriend bringing stuff over to eat next Sunday.”

“Oh. I… didn’t know Sam was dating a guy?” Cas says hesitantly. The Sam Winchester he remembers from high school was always girl crazy. “Also, what’s going on next Sunday?”

“It’s just some of the guys from the studio and Sam are coming over to watch the some of the football games. We usually take turns going to someone’s place and now it’s my turn to host.” Dean finishes off his beer and drops it back on the table.

“Oh. I remember that. You’ve invited me before.”

“Yeah. It’s a good time. But Sam’s making a big deal about bringing Max. I guess he’s determined to make us BFFs or something. I mean I’ve only met the guy like twice. And I told him I thought Max was cool, but I just wish he’d stop freaking out that I, all of a sudden, won’t like Max or something.”  

“It’s probably just a sibling thing. He looks up to you, Dean, so it’s no surprise he wants your approval too.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I have to ask though. When did Sam start dating men?”

“Oh yeah. Guess you didn’t know,” Dean laughs. “Sam figured out he was bi back in college. First time I went to visit him at Stanford, I caught him slipping tongue down another guy in his dorm room. I’m still pretty proud of him for that one,” Dean says, chuckling.”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “So, why is he so scared about you not liking him?”

Dean sighs and leans back in his seat. “It’s just… Sammy’s had shit luck at dating. He, uh, had a pretty rough breakup last year with his ex, Brady, and I wasn’t exactly the most supportive cause I hated the guy. They’d been together since his senior year of college, but Brady broke it off with him out of the blue. Sammy had been sort of down since then. I’m trying to be supportive with Max, but kid ain’t exactly got a good track record with dating.”  

Castiel still vaguely remembers Dean telling him about Sam’s bad luck with dating way back in high school. He can also recall a dark-haired girl that Sam was always around.

“Was it Ruby who he was dating our senior year who you hated.”

“Yeah, and that was just the first time she’d pop in and fuck everything up. They had the worst fuckin’ relationship. He finally realized she was an abusive dick a few years ago and cut her off for good.”

“Well that’s good at least,” Castiel smiles, trying to be positive. “Maybe this guy will be good for him. Do you know anything else about him?”

Dean shakes his head. “Well, he’s in graduate school for creative writing and he’s apparently got a twin sister. Sam didn’t really bring him up until like a few weeks ago. Can’t blame him, though. He was probably afraid to tell me cause he thinks I’ll judge him too hard or something.”

“You can be very protective.”

Dean shrugs and takes another swig of his beer. “Yeah, probably. Hard not to be when I had to basically help raise him. You remember how it was, dad was either working or gone somewhere.”

Castiel of course remembers it. It breaks his heart a little bit to think about how Dean’s had to bear that burden so long. If his parents had been tough on him growing up and his mother remains too invested in his life now, he never had to deal with either parent being absent or dead at an early age.

“I remember. It at least gave us a good place to always go after school when you were feeling particularly frisky,” Castiel jokes, trying to change the subject.

“That it did, and I don’t regret that at all,” Dean laughs. A moment of silence passes Dean smiles and looks to him. “So, I know you’ve turned me down the last couple of times I’ve invited you, but would you want to come. Promise it’ll be fun. Plus, the guys are fun.”

Castiel ponders on it, but then he quickly remembers Balthazar and sighs. “I think Balthazar has ‘requested’ that we do brunch. But, I could see about rescheduling. He shouldn’t mind too much.”

Dean quietly ponders it for a moment, looking truly puzzled by the suggestion. “You sure? I don’t wanna make you come if you’re not interested.”

Castiel smiles. “I don’t mind, Dean. Besides, it’ll be nice to hang out with your friends and get to know them better.”

Dean can’t seem to find anything to argue against Castiel’s idea and instead grins. “Alright. Guess, it’s happening then. The guys have been wanting to hang out with you anyways.”

“Really?”

Dean gets up and grabs both his and Castiel’s finished plates. “Yeah. Those assholes never stop talking about how I got domesticated. Apparently, they placed bets on when you and I would get together.”

While Dean is preoccupied in the kitchen, Castiel gets up from his seat and finds himself sliding in behind Dean and in wraps his hands around Dean’s waist earning an amused hum from Dean.

“Funny, I think Balthazar and Meg had similar bets as well.”

Dean maneuvers himself around to face Castiel, grinning, but a deceptively more suggestive look lingering in the back of his green eyes.

“Guess, we’re just that couple?”

“It looks like we are.”

“Someone’s a little handsy. You fishing to do something a little dirty?”

“And what did you have in mind?”

“I’m thinking a magical Dean Winchester blowjob? Much better than the usual Dean Smith blowjobs you’re used to seeing all the time.”

“And how do you know I’m used to seeing those all the time.”

Dean shrugs. “I don’t, but I’m not wrong am I.”

Castiel rolls his eyes, unwilling to admit that he’s in fact not wrong. “Lead the way then to this magical blowjob then.”

“Careful, Cas. I’m gonna rock your world with this.”

As Castiel follows Dean back into his bedroom, he has very little doubt that Dean will exactly that.

 

~***~

Sunday comes quickly, and while Castiel had been hoping to go to Dean’s apartment solo, he realizes that getting out of brunch with Balthazar is a lot harder to do than it he expects. It’s mostly his fault for waiting until an hour before Dean’s party to tell Balthazar he’s not going to brunch at their favorite spot.

“What do you mean you’re not coming to brunch? I’ve had this on my calendar since last week?” Balthazar complains into the phone.

“I promised Dean that I would go to an event he’s hosting at his apartment.”

He hears Balthazar scoffs in the background. “Of course. Ditched for the boyfriend already. I should’ve known what to expect.”

“I’m not ditching you, Balthazar,” Castiel sighs.

“Sounds exactly like what you’re doing, Cassie. Leaving me all by my lonesome at brunch.” Balthazar’s feigned disappointment is clear in his voice and Castiel sighs knowing he shouldn’t do what he’s about to do.

“Well, you’re more than welcome to come with me.”

Balthazar is surprisingly silent for a moment, and Castiel silently prays that he doesn’t take the offer. The prayers go unanswered.

“Well, since you offered, Cassie. Maybe I will join you. Who’s all going to be at this gathering, and what will be doing?”

“Dean said it’s a couple of his friends from the studio and a few others. We’re going to be watching football.”

“Eww. That sounds absolutely appalling.”

Castiel roll his eyes. “So, I take it you’re not coming?”

“Oh, I absolutely will. But, I am not going to pay attention to this football game. I’m simply there to scope out the eye candy. Dean must have very dashing friends and I could use a nice pipe cleaning.”

Castiel stops himself from gagging into the phone and sighs. “Am I coming to pick you up?”

“Only if you don’t mind.”

Castiel exhales a frustrated breath. “Be ready in fifteen then.” He hangs up the phone and types out a quick message to Dean explaining the sudden change in plans and asks for permission to bring Balthazar to which Dean doesn’t mind at all and seems amused by. After that he’s out of the house and on his way to pick up Balthazar and prays that bringing Balthazar doesn’t turn into a giant mistake.

 

~***~

“My my, Cassie. Your boyfriend lives in a swanky place for just a porn star,” Balthazar comments as he exits Castiel’s car. They’re about thirty minutes late as Balthazar all but forced him to stop by the nearby grocery store as he picked out something to bring to Dean’s that matched his own standards.

Once Castiel forced him to settle on a freshly baked pie from the bakery and a large case of beer, Balthazar finally checked out and they finally landed at Dean’s place.

“You can tell him your compliment directly when you meet him,” Castiel answers as he locks his car and makes his way towards the stairwell leading up to Dean’s apartment.

“Oh, of course. I will say I’m excited to see how you two interact. I still haven’t quite wrapped my head around our darling Cassie dating a porn star.”

“I thought you were here to scope out the eye candy.”

“That too.”

Castiel rolls his eyes as he knocks on the door. He’s not expecting Sam to answer the door, but he does and is greeted with a smile.

“Hey, Cas,” Sam says as he pulls the door open for them.

“Hello, Sam. This is my friend Balthazar. He decided to come at the last minute,” Castiel announces as he motions towards his friend.

“Nice to meet ya,” Sam says as he steps aside to let them in. Castiel’s hit with the immediate scent of hamburgers when he walks in and it’s closely accompanied by the sound of something sizzling. Castiel sees Dean at work already in the kitchen, this time an apron tossed over a Dallas Cowboys jersey and jeans. “Make yourself comfortable. We’re just relaxing and watching the Cowboys’ game before the food’s ready.” Sam nods and returns to the living room.

“My, my, Cassie. You didn’t tell me your boy was a cook too,” Balthazar teases.

“There’s the esteemed man of the hour,” a familiar southern drawl belonging to Benny. Castiel sees a small gathering of people seated all around the living room, including Benny who’s decked out in Saint’s jersey. The rest are unfamiliar to him.

But of course, all attention is on Dean when he makes his way over to Castiel, all smiles as he wipes the sweat forming on his brow.

“Glad you could make it,” Dean greets before leaning in and kissing Castiel quickly on the lips.    

The room is filled with a bunch of boisterous cheering and whistling and Castiel can immediately feel the heat rising in his cheeks. It’s stifled by Dean who flicks off the crowd in the living room before turning his attention to both Castiel and Balthazar.

“Don’t worry about them. They’re just being immature dicks.” He turns to Balthazar and stretches out a hand. “You’re Cas’ friend, right?”

“One of the lucky few,” Balthazar replies as he takes Dean’s hand. “Balthazar Roche. I have to say, this is a very nice place you’ve got here, Dean.”   

“Porn pays well enough I guess.” Dean offers and takes the beer and pie from Balthazar before motioning to the living room. “Make yourselves at home. I’m finishing up the burgers and then we should be ready to eat.”

Balthazar follows the suggestion, but Castiel follows Dean instead into the kitchen which Dean doesn’t seem to mind if the way he smiles when he turns to him is any indication.

“So, how are things with Sam and Max. Does Sam feel better?” Castiel asks, soft enough that no one in the living room can hear. Given the loud shouts at the television, Castiel doesn’t imagine anyone’s paying attention to them anyways.

“He’s, uh, not so bad now. I made some good small talk with Max when he got here. The guys got a love of muscle cars,” Dean starts. Dean points over to where Sam’s seated on the couch at the man next to Sam. “First thing he did was compliment my car.”

Castiel chuckles. “He knows the quickest way to your heart then.”

“I’m not that easy,” Dean grumbles.

“Of course not, Dean.” As he turns his attention back to the rest of the living room he sees Balthazar seated beside Benny, making no attempt to pay attention to the television and instead staring down at his phone. “Who are the others? I don’t think I know them.”

“Oh, shit, yeah. So, the big guy in the recliner is Victor. Vic for short. He was an actor a few years ago, but he went and joined the police force. Then the smaller bearded guy is Aaron. He’s an actor down at the studio. We film together on and off. There’s Garth next to Aaron who helps with the lights and sound, and then Sam’s boyfriend Max next to him.”

Dean returns to cooking the burgers, wiping the sweat from his brow again with the back of his arm. “Do you need any help?”

“Nah, I’m good, Cas. You go sit and mingle. I’ll take care of everything in here.” Dean leans in and kisses him again, and Castiel kiss back a little this time. Somewhere in his mind he questions when he got so okay with PDA, but he doesn’t put too much thought in it.

 Castiel goes to join the others in the room and settles for a spot on the floor on the other side of Garth who turns to him with a genuine smile.

“Castiel, right?” He asks, a slight southern drawl in his accent.

“That’s right. You’re Garth, right?”

Garth nods. “That’s me alright. Garth Fitzgerald the fourth, but I don’t think you really cared to know all of that. Glad to meet ya.” Castiel shakes Garth’s outstretched hand. Garth seems goofy overall, but Castiel gets the sense that Garth

“The pleasure is all mine. Dean tells me you work down at the studio on the equipment?” Castiel asks to make small talk.

“For now, at least. I’m actually a year away from finishing dental school. Then you’ll be looking at Garth Fitzgerald, DMD.”

“That’s commendable. I can’t say I’ve met any dentists in the area since I moved here, so you’d be the first.”

“Well, hopefully I can pin you down as one of my first clients when I finish.” Castiel chuckles “You know, we were all kinda shocked when Dean told us he had a boyfriend,” Garth adds.

“Really?” Castiel questions.

“Hell yeah we were,” Victor chimes in from the couch. “Dean’s isn’t exactly direct when he likes someone. No one expected him to actually get off his ass and make a move on you.” There’s a grumble of discontent from Dean somewhere in the kitchen and Castiel finds himself chuckling. “Victor Henriksen, by the way.”

“Castiel Novak,” he greets back.

Victor cocks a smirk before he drinks down some of his beer in hand. “So, you gotta tell us. How did Dean, of all people, manage to charm you into dating him?”

“Don’t you know who he is, Vic,” Aaron interrupts before Castiel can answer. “He’s _‘high school’_.”

Both Castiel and Victor cock an eyebrow at the same time at the mention, but he hears both Charlie and Benny snort from on the couch.

“I’m… ‘high school’? What does that mean?” Castiel asks.

Aaron laughs. “It’s a joke we have. Back when we all first met we’d go out and get drunk, and Dean would to talk non-stop about the best sex he ever had being with this guy in high school. Never gave a name or anything, but then when you showed up in town he started talking about you guys being old high school friends. Didn’t take long to figure out you were high school, and the one Dean was talking about fu—”

“Can we not!” Sam shouts. “I’m trying not to picture my brother and Cas banging.”

“Get over it, Samantha. We’re dating and fucking,” Dean yells out from the kitchen. Castiel imagines he’ll be mortified about this whole exchange later, but he’s too wrapped up in the bickering between all of Dean’s friends.

Max wraps and arm around Sam’s shoulders while laughing. The man is gorgeous, and he and Sam look like a strangely good match even just from looks alone.

“We’ll just have to find ways to embarrass your brother,” Max says loud enough for Dean to hear in the kitchen. “We could recount all the time we did you know what in very vivid detail—”

“The hell you will!” Dean barks.

Sam looks like a cross between embarrassed but amused at Dean’s sudden irritation at the thought of Sam and Max in his car.

“So, Castiel. Back to the question at hand? How did Dean manage to win you over?” Benny asks.

“Oh, well, it actually was me who had to win him over.”

“Really?” Benny says with a smirk. “I find that hard to believe, seeing as Dean over there is usually a big ol’ dork half the time.”

“Oh, I can believe it,” Balthazar answers, turning to Benny. “You should see Cassie when he’s crushing on someone. It’s quite enjoyable to watch him flounder around.”

“Well, I say he and Dean are a good match then,” Benny counters.

Castiel doesn’t miss the way Balthazar looks at Benny. The two have just met, and, while it’s possible he’s reading more into this than he should, Castiel can’t help being suspicious that Balthazar has his eyes set on Benny.

“If you assholes are done gossiping about me, the food’s ready?” Dean announces as he walks over to them, a pouty look on his face.

“Ahh, don’t be like that, brother. We’re just having a bit of fun with you. Ain’t everyday one of us lands a steady partner, much less a doctor.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Get your asses up and get the food while it’s hot. I didn’t slave over this food for nothin’.”

That’s all Dean has to say before everyone gets up and starts piling food onto their plates. Castiel waits behind with Dean though.

“You not hungry?” Dean asks.

“I am. I just figured I’d wait behind with you,” Castiel answers, smiling.

Dean cracks a smile and nods. “I gotcha.” Castiel feels Dean snake an arm around his waist and Castiel can’t stop himself from leaning against Dean. “I’m glad you came, Cas.”

“I am too. I’m glad to be a part of this. A part of your family and friends.”

Dean chuckles. “You’ll always be a part of the gang. Think Sammy would kill me if I did something to screw up our relationship and drive you off again.”

“I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that,” Castiel counters.

There’s a sharp whistle from the kitchen that stops any further conversation. When Castiel looks up he sees Benny grinning mischievously at the two of them. “You two lovebirds gonna stop canoodling and get some of this food?”

Everyone throws knowing looks their way and Castiel can feel himself blush, but Dean is amused and laughing beside him.

“Kiss my ass, Benny,” Dean taunts back before looking over at Castiel. “Guess we should eat before they start talking about us.”

“I think we’re well past that point,” Castiel laughs. “But yes, let’s go.”

With Dean’s hand firmly on his back, Castiel walks to the display of food set out on the table, feeling happy and relief. He never had any doubts, but this here, lets him know that he and Dean fit in together and work.

 

~***~

It’s feels like an eternity before everyone starts to make their way out of Dean’s apartment. Victor’s the first to go, calling it in early since he’s got the early shift starting next week, and then it’s Aaron who apparently has a Tinder date. The guys all roll their eyes at Aaron’s announcement, but wish him luck anyways.

Garth leaves afterwards and that’s when it starts to feel a lot quieter. They’ve mostly stopped paying attention to the game on the television over and everyone left is drained of energy from the yelling, conversing, and eating.

Castiel doesn’t miss how Benny and Balthazar haven’t much moved from each other’s sides.

It’s an odd matchup, Balthazar the posh and uptight doctor and Benny who, in the short amount of time Castiel has known him, seems like a very relaxed, southern man. Castiel for the most part knows Balthazar’s type, and Benny doesn’t fit that usual mold.

He is surprised when Balthazar and Benny both get up at about the same time.

“Well, it’s been a blast, but I have some work to attend to,” Balthazar announces as he gets up.

Castiel raises an eyebrow. “Do you need a ride home?”

Balthazar grins. “Funny you should ask. Benjamin here has generously offered to give me a ride home since he’s heading that way, so you are welcome to stay here and do whatever it is you and Dean do.”

Dean snickers and Castiel turns a sympathetic look towards Benny. “Are you sure you’re okay with giving him a ride, Benny?”

“Ain’t a problem at all, Cas. It’s nothing but a hop from my place. You just sit back and relax.” Benny looks over to Dean and grins. “Catch you later this week, brother. Trivia night. Don’t forget.”

“Wouldn’t miss it. Gotta get revenge on you for last time.”

“Good luck with that one,” Benny laughs. “Cas, Sam, catch you two around.”

Balthazar follows Benny out of Dean’s apartment, but not before he turns back and winks at Castiel. He’s definitely going to try and sleep with Benny.

“I can’t wait to bust Benny later,” Dean laughs. “Who’d have thought Benny’d go and fall for the doctor type too.”

“You should know better than anyone, Dean,” Sam quips.

Castiel and Max both snicker while Dean grunts indignant. Max is cuddled up with Sam, their legs entwined. Overall, Sam and Max seem like a very good couple. He almost feels bad for Gabriel, though, that he won’t be supporting a breakup between the two so that he can slide in and take Sam.

“So, any big plans for Thanksgiving for you two?” Max asks out of the blue.

“Oh, well, I’ll be going home to see my family up north. My brothers will all be there unfortunately,” Castiel answers, not bothering to hide the disappointment in his tone.

“I get that. Siblings. Can’t live with them or without them,” Max answers. “Dean?”

Dean shrugs “Nothin’, really. Bobby’s place is too far to go for just a one-day thing. Figure Sammy and I will just hang around here like usual.”

Sam squirms in his seat a little. “Actually, Dean. I was, uh, gonna tell you that Max invited me to come home with him for Thanksgiving. You know, meet his parents and his sister.”

Dean does a good job of hiding the shock on his face, and quickly casts away any indication of being upset. “Yeah, it’s, uh, not a big deal. I mean we don’t do shit here anyways, so go with Max.”

Castiel can see the genuine concern in Sam’s face and Sam untangles himself from where he’s seated with Max and stands. “Can we talk, Dean?”

Castiel watches Dean roll his eyes, but get up and follow Dean back into Dean’s bedroom. He hears the door close and figures they’re about to have a serious heart-to-heart.

“Damn. And I was hoping it wouldn’t be a big deal,” Max says.

“About taking Sam home for Thanksgiving?” Castiel asks.

“Yeah. He said he really wanted to meet my mom and sister, but I could tell he was having second thoughts about leaving his brother behind.”

“They are very close. I imagine it will be hard for Dean to not have Sam around, but I know that he would want Sam to do what he truly wants to do,” Castiel assures.

Max shrugs. “Yeah, but doesn’t change the fact that I hate splitting them up. I doubt my mom would mind if Dean came along, but I think Sam deep down wants a little bit of independence.”

The door to Dean’s bedroom opens and Sam and Dean both reappear before long, both looking seemingly fine, but somehow Castiel doesn’t believe it.

“Everything alright?” Max asks.

“Peachy. Sam’s going with you for Thanksgiving and I’ll relax around here and find something to do. I’m sure some of the guys might stick around,” Dean explains.

It’s at that exact moment that an idea pops into his head and one that he knows might get him in trouble, but at the very least it’ll make his life easier.

“Or, you could come with me for Thanksgiving.” The words are out of his mouth before he really considers what he’s just said, and from the looks of everyone around the room they’re just as surprised too.

“Cas, are you, uh, sure about that? I mean, I’d be imposing on you all and stuff.”

Castiel shakes his head. “Of course not, Dean. I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t serious.”

“Oh, uh, well. I…”

“You don’t have to answer now, Dean. It’s just an offer.”

“No! No, uh, I’ll go.”

Sam and Max both look as if they’ve just been hit in the head. Sam’s confusion settles into a smile and there’s an obvious sense of relief that washes over him from what Castiel can see.

“That’s great!” Sam says.

Max’s phone starts to vibrate and he quickly pulls it out, dread filling his expression. “Oh, damn. I forgot I’ve got a paper due tomorrow.” Max looks up at Sam and huffs. “Think I’m gonna have to pull an all-nighter.”

Sam rolls his eyes, but looks over at Dean. “Guess this is where we cut out.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’ll clean up. You two head out,” Dean offers.

“Alright. Well, I’ll see you around then, Dean,” Sam says. Sam turns to Castiel and there’s an honest smile that spreads across his face. “And you too, Cas. I’m sure I’ll see you before Thanksgiving, but if not, you keep Dean under control.”

Dean scoffs before picking up the trash and moving into the kitchen. Castiel laughs and nods. “I’ll do my best.” Sam smiles and starts towards the door with Max close behind.

“Thanks for the invite, Dean,” Max says. “I’ll catch you two next time.”

“No problem. You keep Sammy in line,” Dean calls out. Max answers with a wink while Sam rolls his eyes and then the two of them are gone. The door closes behind them and there’s almost a wave of relief that washes over Castiel.

It’s just him and Dean now, and Dean wastes no time in sliding his way over towards him.

“So…” Dean starts.

“So…” Castiel repeats, grinning.

“Thanksgiving. You serious?” Dean asks.

Castiel snorts. “Of course. I… want you to come. Not only because it would make it much more bearable having someone other than my brothers there, but also… because I want to show you off.”

“Show me off, huh? Finally ready to flaunt that you got a hot porn star for a boyfriend?”

“Or maybe, I’m ready to flaunt a very smart, future sex educator who happens to be very great at sex to everyone,” Castiel counters. He leans in and kisses Dean on the lips in a surprise kiss. Dean relaxes into the kiss.

“I do like the sound of doctors Winchester and Novak,” Dean teases as he pulls back from the kiss.

“I quite enjoy the sound of that too.”

“You know something that I think you’d enjoy even more?” Dean whispers in Castiel’s ear.

Castiel hums. “I can think of a few things, but you should surprise me.” Dean reaches behind and produces a both condom and a packet of lube from his back-pocket. Castiel chuckles. “How long have you had those in there?”

“Since I put these pants on this morning. Had a feeling I’d find some use for it today.”

Castiel shakes his head and clicks his tongue. “You’re a terrible man, Dean Winchester.”

“It’s why you love me, right?”

Castiel snorts. “Somewhat.”

“So,” Dean says. He gently pushes Castiel back until he falls back down on the couch. “I’m gonna show you my utmost appreciation for letting me come with you for Thanksgiving.”

Dean sinks to his knees and slowly unbuttons Castiel’s pants and Castiel already feels himself getting hard from the anticipation of what’s about to come. Castiel lifts himself up as he feels Dean tugging his pants down and his boxers come down with them.

Castiel moves his hand down towards his cock that is painfully erect, a bead of precome already forming on the head of his cock.

“There’s what I’ve been looking for,” Dean teases. Castiel snorts. Dean surprises him though and licks a stripe up Castiel’s cock and Castiel shivers at the warm feeling.  “Feel good, Cas?” Dean mutters.

“Fuck… yes,” Castiel breathes.

“Good. I’m really fuckin’ impatient too, so we’re gonna skip right to the main event.” Dean wastes no time in disrobing, tossing his jersey across the room before making quick work of his pants. Dean’s standing stark naked in front of Castiel in the flash of an eye and Castiel feels that familiar rush of adrenaline again when he sees Dean’s cock red and hard.

“You’re so beautiful, Dean.”

Dean smirks and winks before slowly falling onto the couch, straddling Castiel with his thighs on both sides of him. Dean tears open the packet of lube before handing it to Castiel.

“Wanna get us prepped?” Dean asks.

Castiel takes the lube and smiles. “With pleasure.” Castiel pulls Dean’s spreads Dean’s cheeks apart with his free hand before slowly spreading lube across his Dean’s hole with the other. He can feel Dean shiver on top of him. The moans Dean makes are like lewd music to his ears as he circles Dean’s hole.

“C’mon, Cas. Finger me. Wanna feel you inside me.”

Castiel knows he can’t disobey Dean’s command and slowly sinks a finger inside Dean, his finger slowly pushing through the tight ring of muscle. He drinks in the desperate breathes from the Dean all the while. He pumps his finger in and out slow and steady while Dean leans against Castiel.

“More, Cas. F… fuck. Need more.” Castiel adds another finger almost immediately, curving them slightly so he could find that spot that will make Dean shiver against him.

“Oh fuck, Cas… feels so good,” Dean whines as he rolls his hips back to get Castiel’s fingers in even deeper.

Castiel is speechless. The sheer anticipation is killing him. He feels that familiar sex haze clouding his brain again. He needs to fuck Dean now.

“Dean. I want to fuck you right now,” Castiel says, knowing his words are clipped as he the desire grows into a need.

“Then do it. Fuck me, Cas.” The condom lies next to him and he quickly rips it open before rolling it on his cock. He deposits the rest of the lube on his cock, spreading it around with his fist as he jerks himself off. Dean in the meantime grinds against Castiel’s cock, showing his growing need to have Castiel inside him. “C’mon, Cas.”  

“So impatient,” Castiel breathes.

Castiel lines his cock with Dean’s lube-slick hole, and very gradually pushes into Dean. Dean hisses as his cock now pushes deeper into him. Dean is tight and hot and Castiel grips the base of his cock, staving off the urge to come just from feeling Dean squeezing around him. Dean groans as Castiel bottoms out in him completely.

“Oh, fuck yes. Feels so good, Cas,” Dean moans.

“Ride me,” Castiel urges, moving his hips a little so Dean can feel his cock moving inside him now.

Dean braces himself against Castiel, his hands finding their home on Castiel’s chest as he lifts himself up off Castiel’s cock. It’s like a pressure vice as Dean lifts up off him, and when Dean sinks back down on his cock, he can’t help the groan that escapes him as Dean’s ass puts a vice grip on his cock.

Not wasting much time, Dean finds a steady rhythm, impaling himself on Castiel’s cock, whimpering the entire time alongside a flurry of curses.

Castiel watches, eyes blown wide open as Dean sinks down on his cock. The only thing he can do is grip Dean’s hips and attempt to guide Dean up and down on his cock.

“So fucking tight… so good for me,” Castiel sighs.  

Dean moves faster now, screaming and panting loud and uncontrollably as he works himself faster on Castiel’s cock. Castiel, in a sudden burst of energy, thrusts his hips up, pushing up into Dean as he rocks back on him.

Beads of sweat drip down Dean’s brow and neck, and without consciously thinking about it, Castiel licks a bed of it off of him, tasting the tang of salt and sweetness of Dean’s skin on his tongue.

“Harder… please. Harder, harder, harder!” Dean begs, screaming his urges into Castiel’s chest.

Castiel obliges, and thrusts harder and faster into Dean.

“Gonna make you feel so good,” Castiel promises, his mouth still kissing the skin of the Dean’s collarbone.

Dean groans louder into Castiel’s chest, and his hands roam over Castiel’s body, sending a shiver down Castiel’s spine when his hands graze over Castiel’s nipples.

“Fuck. Cas, touch me, man. I gotta feel you,” Dean begs loud and carelessly.

Castiel wordlessly does so, gripping Dean’s bouncing cock in his hand while Dean practically fucks his hand while continuing to impale himself on Castiel’s cock.

“Holy… fuck. Dean,” Dean slurs completely lost in pleasure. Dean starts speeding up and Castiel lets his head fall back against the couch as he Dean throws his own head back. “Cas… Cas… fuck!” Dean growls right as he comes, shooting all over Castiel’s hand and chest. Dean is tighter around Castiel as Dean spastically fucks himself through is orgasm.

Castiel’s breathing gets heavier until he feels himself coming, the condom catching everything as he thrusts himself up into Dean. Then there’s silence. Dean buries his face into the crook of Castiel’s neck while Castiel pants heavily, head leaned back on the sofa. The only sounds in the entire apartment are the sounds of their breathing.

Dean, after a moment, pulls his head up and Castiel stares directly into sparking, green eyes.

“Hey,” he says with a laugh.

“Hey, yourself,” Castiel replies, feeling himself grinning.

“Anyone tell you that you’re one hell of a good lay?”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “You have. To a lot of people apparently. High school, remember?”

Dean snickers. “Can’t blame a guy for bragging about the best sex he had, can you?”

“I guess I can’t, now can I?”

They sit like that, quietly staring at one another, Castiel seeing a gleam in Dean’s eyes and positive his expression is exactly the same.

“So, maybe I shouldn’t say this while your dick is still in my ass, but, uh, thanks for letting me crash your Thanksgiving. I didn’t wanna tell Sammy this, but I kinda didn’t want to be alone.”

“You’ll never be alone, Dean. I’ll be here for you as long as you’ll have me.”

Dean chuckles before leaning in and kissing Castiel on the lips. “You’re such a sap, you know that.”

“I know. As you said before, it’s why you love me,” Castiel teases.  

Dean grins and Castiel feels like he’s falling in love with that smile all over again.

“Damn right I do.”


	10. Chapter 10

It’s only been a year but Castiel feels like he hardly remembers his mother’s house. The house honestly qualifies for the size of a mansion and finds himself Castiel questioning why she never downsized when his father passed away. Then again, that’s just how she is. Even with an empty house, at least three times too big for her, she is more concerned about her status than anything. 

Dean is quiet beside him. He has been most of the time since the Uber came to pick them up from the airport. He’s been staring out the window the entire time, taking in the area that he hasn’t visited in a long time. Castiel is content to let him sit and watch in peace. 

When they pull up in front of his mother’s home, Dean finally cracks a nostalgic smile. “Damn, this place bring back memories. Can’t believe your mom’s still in the same place all these years.” 

“Mother doesn’t like change. Besides, how else will she show everyone that you’re the richest widow in the area?” 

Dean snorts. “C’mon, Cas. It’s your mom. You gotta at least pretend to be nice.” 

Castiel rolls his eyes. “The phrase, you can love you family, but you don’t have to like them is an adequate fit for how I feel about my mother. And Lucas and Michael, for that matter.” He’s told Dean a thing or two about his oldest brother, but he hasn’t prepared Dean for the two of them in person, who will both be assholes in their own way. 

“Guess I’m glad not to have that problem. It’s just me and Sammy, and we usually like each other,” Dean laughs. “Oh, and then there’s our half-brother Adam, but we don’t see him much.” 

“How am I only now hearing about you having a half-brother?” 

Dean shrugs. “I don’t usually mention it. Kid flies out once or twice a year, to hang out for a week. Since he got into college he hasn’t really had the time. He and Sam get along better, anyways. They’re both Brainiac’s.”

“So are you,” Castiel retorts, as he finally opens the door. 

“Nah. I just got the looks. How do you think I got so far in porn?” Dean gets out next to him, pops the trunk and starts pulling out their bags. “There’s a reason I make money doing what I do.” 

“Doesn’t mean you can’t be Brainiac in your own way,” Castiel counters. 

Dean snickers before reaching into his wallet and grabbing cash to tip the Uber driver, while Castiel stands on the curb outside his house, and takes a few deep breaths. He’s quite enjoyed settling into his new normal with Dean. The last few weeks with Dean have been easy. Dean’s slotted into his life like a missing puzzle piece. 

If anyone told him it would be difficult dating a porn star, much less one of the most popular male porn stars out there, Castiel would easily argue the opposite. Dean’s filming has hardly interfered with their relationship, and Castiel can’t remember ever dating, or befriending, anyone as supportive as Dean. 

When Dean’s not filming he’s often lounging around his, or Castiel’s, apartment. Most nights when Castiel is home from the office, Dean already has dinner cooking, and his burgers are to die for. He’s afraid to say it, but he’s confident that he could spend the rest of his life with Dean. It’s why he has no fear bringing Dean to his mother’s house. He wants to let both his mom and his brothers know Dean isn’t going anywhere. 

“So, any plans tonight?” Dean asks, as he joins him on the curb with the last few bags in hand, while the Uber ride drives off. 

“I think just dinner with my family. That will be exhausting enough.” 

“I can handle dinner. Haven’t met a family I couldn’t charm into loving me,” Dean says, grinning. “Of course, that’s before they find out I’m a porn star, but I don’t think your mom has to know that yet.” 

Castiel snorts. “I think if you told her that, we could probably cut this trip short and return home.” 

Dean hums, and Castiel shivers as he feels Dean nosing at his neck. “You’d like that wouldn’t you.” Castiel feels a kiss on his neck, and he swallows down an anxious lump. He can feel himself getting hard, and he knows the risks of doing this so close to his mother’s house. 

“You know we can’t do this here, Dean.” 

“But what if I want to for old times’ sake?” 

“Only if you want my entire family to hear us. I don’t think any of us are capable of being quiet, especially not when you’re in a frisky mood like this. And I think we both know that Gabriel will be especially attuned to what we do.” 

Dean groans as he pulls away. It never fails to put Dean out of the mood for sex by mentioning that the studio owner and director is his brother. 

“Way to be a boner-killer, Cas.” 

“I do what I can.” Dean sticks his tongue out, and Castiel smiles innocently in response. With a sigh, Castiel picks up his bags and mentally prepares himself for a face to face with his mother. “We should go inside.” 

“Fine by me. I’m ready to charm the pants right off her.” Castiel shudders, realizing Dean’s words have a whole new meaning, especially since he’s dating a porn star, and Dean cringes as well. “Bad choice of words, I know.” 

“C’mon, Casanova.” 

“I consider that a compliment. Just FYI.” Castiel rolls his eyes before starting up the long driveway towards his mother’s house. Thankfully, from the looks of the driveway, none of his brothers have arrived yet, and he knows Gabriel’s flight won’t land until later. At least he and Dean won’t have to face the onslaught of all his family at once. 

He rings the doorbell, and feels his heart beat in his chest as he waits for his mother to answer it. He wonders if she’ll find something to criticize about him, or Dean. His own paranoia at giving her something to harp on is the reason he wore khakis and a button down to the airport, rather than sweats and an old Led Zepplin t-shirt that Dean is wearing. 

He can hear the echoes of shoes signaling the approach of someone, and judging by the familiar sound of heels on hardwood carpet, he has no doubt that it’s his mother. The lock clicks and the door swings open, and Castiel comes face to face with his mother. She doesn’t look at all  different from the last time he’d seen her at Christmas. She’s wearing a dark suit and her hair is wrapped up in a tight bun. More than likely she’s been working the entire vacation thus far even though she claimed to be off. 

There’s the faintest of smiles on her face, but that’s about all she manages, before it vanishes into that persistently disappointed expression. 

“Hello, Castiel. Glad to see you and your friend made it here safely,” she greets. 

“Thank you, mother.” Naomi steps aside to let the two of them in and Castiel drops his bags and offers his mother a small hug. It’s every bit as awkward as he expects. The hugging between them isn’t something either of them are fond of, but since she rarely sees him anymore, he tries for her sake at least. “Mother, this is Dean Winchester.” 

Naomi turns to Dean and Castiel sees the analytical stare eyes as she rakes Dean over with her gaze. Dean handles it well, smiling as he offers a hand for her to shake. 

“Nice to see you again, Ms. Novak.” 

“Winchester…” Naomi says slowly, letting Dean’s hand go to cross her arms. “Why does that name sound familiar?” 

“Cas and I actually went to school together. I transferred in late during high school.” 

Naomi doesn’t look away from Dean, but at the very least Castiel doesn’t see her already pensive gaze grew more wary. 

“I see. Well, in any case, welcome to my home. Dean.” Castiel breathes a sigh of relief. The introductions are done which at least is a quarter of the battle. He just has to make it through dinner, and three days of awkwardness with his family, and then he’ll finally be back to normal. “Castiel, you will take Dean upstairs, right? I’m sure he could use a place to freshen up.” 

“Oh, I…” 

“Absolutely. I will take him upstairs now,” Castiel quickly interjects before Dean can say anything. Dean shoots him a bemused look, but when Castiel widens his eye for a quick second, Dean seems to get what he’s saying and gives a smile. 

“Thank you again for allowing me into your home, Ms. Novak.” 

Naomi remains stone-faced, but at least looks in Dean’s direction. Most people she doesn’t approve hardly even get a second glance. “The pleasure is all mine, Dean.” She turns to Castiel and it’s all business as usual. “Castiel, I’m on a very important conference call, but I will expect to see you both for dinner at six thirty.” 

It’s not a question, but rather a command. Castiel nods, and his mother is quickly off down the hallway of his home heading towards her in-home office. 

“Shall we?” Dean asks, as he lifts his bags and takes a step towards the stairwell. Castiel grabs his own bags and moves past Dean and up the stairs. His house feels almost like a time capsule. So many things from when he was in school still linger around the house; from paintings, to vases and lamps scattered on the many tables around the stairs. 

Dean whistles behind him and Castiel turns back to see Dean looking around and soaking it all in. 

“You’ve been here before,” Castiel pokes with a grin. 

“Correction, I’ve been in your bedroom before,” Dean laughs. Castiel rolls his eyes as they finally reach his bedroom. When he presses the door open, the room is obviously freshly cleaned. The desks he once did his homework on, are freshly dusted and his bed has fresh sheets and a blanket on it. It’d almost feel like a brand new room if he didn’t recognize every photo and painting scattered about on his dresser, nightstand and desk. 

“Damn, does this place bring back memories,” Dean says. Castiel sees a fond smile spread across Dean’s face and suddenly he’s awash with memories of Dean lying in his bed. This same bed has memories of not just him but of Dean too, and it feels strange that somehow after all these years they’re back here again, together. 

“It does. I can’t remember how many times you snuck up here, and managed to get out without being caught.” 

Dean snorts as he drops his bags on the floor and plops down on the bed. “Not as much as I wanted to,” Dean laughs. “It wasn’t exactly easy avoiding your two parents and three brothers. All I had to do was trick Sammy into going to a friends house while dad was at work so we had my place all to ourselves.” 

Dean pats the space on the bed next to him. Castiel rolls his eyes but drops his bags and joins him on the bed. It’s quiet in the house. His mother will be hard at work for at least another couple of hours, and his brothers won’t arrive for another few hours at least. Right now, it’s just him and Dean in the place where it all began. 

“Did you ever think we’d make it here?” Castiel asks. Dean surprises him by resting his head on his shoulder. Despite his career being in porn, and touching people all day, Dean’s a glutton for contact with Castiel whenever he can get it. Castiel doesn’t mind it one bit. 

“Might sound crazy, but I kinda did. When I first saw you again at Charlie’s event, I kinda had this feeling that I could actually get the guy for once. Looks like I was right.” 

Castiel snorts. “Did you mean for that to sound as cheesy as it did?” 

“Maybe,” Dean laughs. “Seriously though. What sort of coincidence is it that of all the places in the world you could’ve moved to, you moved to the exact same place I lived in. Gotta admit that doesn’t sound like a random coincidence.” 

“Are you saying fate brought us back together?” 

“No. I’m saying Donald Duck did,” Dean jokes. Castiel doesn’t need to look down at him to know he’s rolling his eyes. “I”m just saying, something in the universe brought us back together.” 

“Maybe it’s some profound bond between us.” 

Dean snorts, before pushing up off of his shoulder. “That, my friend, sounds cheesy and lame.” 

Before Castiel can say anything, Dean collapses back on the bed, adjusting himself to make himself comfortable. Castiel doesn’t think anything of it and he falls into the space next to him on his own bed, nestling himself underneath one of Dean’s arms. He can recall a memory where he and Dean were lying just like this. If he imagines it hard enough he can almost believe that the bed still has the same indents and they’re just fitting back into them like they never left. 

“I have something to tell you” Dean says after there moment of quiet silence. 

Castiel hums, feeling a sense of content drowsiness wash over him. “What is it?” he mumbles. 

“I started looking at schools to apply to.” 

Castiel shoots up in the bed, his face frozen in shock. “Are you serious?” Dean nods, and Castiel grins. “Dean… that’s amazing.” 

Dean snorts. “Don’t get too excited, Cas. I’m just looking is all.” 

“Still. Looking is a great start. Before long you’ll be applying, then you’ll be starting your classes before you even know it.” 

Dean sighs. “Yeah, I guess. Sammy’s been sending me some suggestions, but I think I might see if Charlie can’t put in a good word for me down at the community college. I could start there.” 

“That sounds like a good plan. Are you still going to film while you’re in school?” Castiel asks. It’s a foolish question. He knows Dean enjoys what he does, but there’s a part of him that wants to see Dean grow too. Dean is so much more than a porn star and he hopes that he’ll see it in himself. 

“Yeah, or at least for as long as I can. Sammy’s almost done with law school and so he won’t need me to help him out anymore, so I can just focus on me. I’d like to keep in the business as long as I can. Maybe even see if Gabriel will let me direct a few films.” 

“That sounds like it’d be interesting. Though, I can’t see Gabriel giving up too much creative control,” Castiel says with a light chuckle. 

“Well, maybe his hot, younger brother could put in a good word for me?” 

“Dean Winchester. Are you really trying to use me to further your porn career?” Castiel teases. 

“Hey, if you love me, I think it’s only fair,” Dean jokes. 

Castiel lands on top of Dean. So much has happened in what feels like an eternity but really has only been a few months. He’s gone from getting reacquainted with Dean to falling in love with him all over again. And now here he is with Dean in his old home where they spent some of their earliest times together. They have their whole future ahead of them.. One day he’ll watch Dean walk across the stage at his graduation, and he’ll be there when Dean gets his first job as a sexual therapist. 

He wants it all with Dean, and he can see it all with Dean. 

He leans down and kisses Dean on the lips and feels Dean let his hands rest on his back. 

“Yes, Dean. I do love you.” He leans back down into the kiss, tasting a love that will last a lifetime on his tongue for the first a million different time.


End file.
